Quite possibly the MOST IMPORTANT BOOK EVER!!

Rich Rohrich

Moderator / BioHazard
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jul 27, 1999
22,838
16,902
Chicago
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
 

mmz77

Member
Oct 15, 2006
435
0
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's Potato Chip :rotfl:
I am definitely going to buy this! :nener:
 

VintageDirt

Baked Spud
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jan 1, 2001
3,043
9
No don't think he knows where I live, do you?
 

Thump

Jr Admin Type
Jan 17, 2000
4,656
7
SOLD!!! that book is more than just a fact book. Because of it's content, it can be used for so much more than just reading material.

Other uses for said "paper back"
1. Place under your shirt for bullet proof vest.
2. One page will burn for 18 hours and produce 2 times the light energy of the sun. Quite the beacon if you ever get lost.
3. One book could feed a small nation for decades, if they have good teeth that is.
4. You could make a paper airplane and fly anywhere you want in it.
5. This is dangerous, DO NOT ATTEMPT. A common spit wad fired from an ink pen tube or straw is the equivalent of a 7.62 sniper round.
6. Can re-grow hair by rubbing on effected area. (just look at his beard)
7. Great to have on your resume under education.
8. You don't have to read the book, it tells you what you need to know.
9. Can be used restart a persons heart, just open the book and place on chest. Be sure to tell people to clear.
10. Can be used as a boomerang.

WARNING: Do not use pages for toilet paper regardless of the situation. Drag you butt like a dog on the grass before you use a page from this book to wipe. See #7, enough said.
 

Rich Rohrich

Moderator / BioHazard
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jul 27, 1999
22,838
16,902
Chicago
I'm anxiously awaiting the publication of a far more significant book :

The Truth About Pred: 400 Facts About the World's 217,487th Greatest Human.

After reading the following excerpt in "Better Shacks and Compost Heaps" , I'm tingling with anticipation. :whoa:


Some little know facts about Pred :


  • Pred once ate 86 hard boiled eggs, burped twiced and then went to Denny's for a grand slam breakafast.

    Pred gives precise thoughtful directions to spiders but squishes small foreign people with his ginourmous boot.

    Pred once touched a small boy who grew up to be a major league baseball player. The boy thanked Pred for chasing the gay out of him during his induction ceremony at Cooperstown.

    Pred spelled backwards is Derp, which is an arabic word for man who scratches taint with a racoon paw.

    Pred owes me $14 for a contract killing I did for him in Brazil

    Pred can't scratch his own butt so he pays a circus midget to do it for him.

    Pred eats soup with a touthbrush, while his oral hygiene is performed with a Briggs and Stratton PowerBOSS 3800 PSI Pressure Washer.

    Pred can't spell Pred, so he draws pictures like the cave men to communicate his name.

    Pred is frightened by hot dogs. He believes they are the fingers of former Rockettes who were killed by bigfoot.

    Pred once saved a small Korean woman who was trapped in a well. He later fed her to a pack of wild dogs claiming it was circle of life stuff that was best not explained.

    No one knows where or when Pred was born. Scholars surmise he was hatched from a cross breeding of dinosaur eggs and easter peeps.His odd fear of microwave ovens seems to support this theory.

    Pred invented Ovaltine, but he wanted it to be ass flavored and refuses to acknowledge the bastage child Chocolate version that evolved from his ground breaking work.

    Pred rarely sleeps. He prefers to sit in a chair, close one eye and pee down his left leg to relax

    Pred body mass is comprised of 67% rice pudding

 

VintageDirt

Baked Spud
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jan 1, 2001
3,043
9
Rich Rohrich said:
entire friggin awe inspiring awesomness
That was way beyond the awesome boundaries.

And my invisible shield always protects my internetness from harm.

Plus, Pred always liked me best.
 

XRpredator

AssClown SuperPowers
Damn Yankees
Aug 2, 2000
13,510
19
VintageDirt said:
Plus, Pred always liked me best.
that's cuz you always gots beers.

now where's my racoon paw? My taint needs some scratchin'
 

Rich Rohrich

Moderator / BioHazard
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jul 27, 1999
22,838
16,902
Chicago
VintageDirt said:
That was way beyond the awesome boundaries.

Pred's towering awesomosity reaches far beyond what is usual, normal, or customary and blasts past the edge of the envelope in a way not seen since Yeager hit the skies.

I'm just happy to exist in the shadow of his gigantic awesomitudity.:whoa:
 

holeshot

Crazy Russian
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jan 25, 2000
1,823
0
Rich Rohrich said:
Pred eats soup with a touthbrush, while his oral hygiene is performed with a Briggs and Stratton PowerBOSS 3800 PSI Pressure Washer.


He needs it.
 

Attachments

  • MessinWithSasquatch_1[1].jpg
    MessinWithSasquatch_1[1].jpg
    48.6 KB · Views: 376

SpDyKen

LIFETIME SPONSOR
Mar 27, 2005
1,237
1
Rich Rohrich said:
Pred's towering awesomosity reaches far beyond what is usual, normal, or customary and blasts past the edge of the envelope in a way not seen since Yeager hit the skies.

I'm just happy to exist in the shadow of his gigantic awesomitudity.:whoa:
:rotfl: :laugh: :worship: :yikes:

I just cannot envision Pred blasting past any kind of envelope I can think of! I guess I'm just not a "visonary," that way, anyway.
 

Rooster

Today's Tom Sawyer
Damn Yankees
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Aug 24, 2000
3,300
1
OMG! RR! That was some funny stuff, you should do stand up comedy. (sitting down comedy isn't quite the same)
 

squeaky

Roosta's Princess
Damn Yankees
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Mar 28, 2003
2,561
0
OMG! Rich that has to be the funniest stuff I have read in ages!
 

whenfoxforks-ruled

Old MX Racer
~SPONSOR~
Oct 19, 2006
8,129
2
Merrillville,Indiana
How did this near 2 year old thread get pulled up again? Its not a poll? Squeaky did not do it, and neither did I???? Hilarious though it still is! And no one brought up the time Pred, and/or the alter ego, kidnapped the Beastie boys? And the XR is for Xavier, not the Honda trail bike. And he is a world renowned linguist, paramedic and part time politician? Just asking? Vintage Bob
 

Ol'89r

LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jan 27, 2000
6,961
45
whenfoxforks-ruled said:
And he is a world renowned linguist, paramedic and part time politician? Just asking? Vintage Bob

And he is quite an artist too. His Predcasso's are selling for as much as a Sausage McMuffin on todays market. :whoa: I figure if I keep mine long enough, I should be able to trade it for a Big Mac. ;)

Good stuff Rich. :rotfl:
 

fatcat216v2

Member
Aug 29, 2009
143
0
I call b.s. on Rich's Pred facts.

There is no way a circus midget can reach Pred's fanny.

It's a circus midget on cherry picker scratching the dude man-fan.
 

XRpredator

AssClown SuperPowers
Damn Yankees
Aug 2, 2000
13,510
19
okay, it's two circus midgets and a system of cables and pulleys.

and a raccoon paw.
 

ellandoh

dismount art student
~SPONSOR~
Mi. Trail Riders
Aug 29, 2004
2,958
0
¿¿ sıɥʇ əʞıl sʞool ʇɐɥʇ əƃɐssəɯ ɐ əɯ ʇuəs ɹoʇɐpəɹdɹx



səlɹɐɥɔ ʎɐɹ sɐʍ pəɹd ɥʇıʍ ʇɔɐʇuoɔ əʎə ʇɔəɹıp əʞɐɯ oʇ uosɹəd ʇsɐl əɥʇ
 

Rich Rohrich

Moderator / BioHazard
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jul 27, 1999
22,838
16,902
Chicago
Even as the years pass by Pred's awesomeness knows no bounds.
 
Top Bottom