Son with bad grades. Do I take his bike away?

RIDING ROB

Member
Jun 3, 2003
16
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I just bought my son a KX 60 to play on and I love to watch him ride it. It would kill HIM AND ME both if I took it away. I haven't put this opption on the table yet, because I've learned from experience not to say it if you don't meen it. We have already taken away everything else, do to bad grades and ATTITUDE. We are sricked with him and yet I realize he needs to still be a kid. What would YOU do?
 

Wraith

Do the impossible its fun
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jul 16, 2000
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As much as I hate to say it. Yes, take it away. As you said, you have done everything else already. And that it would kill him to take it away, then by all means do it. I'm guessing that he is almost out of school for the summer if not already out? Take it away, and give him the option (or not) of going to summer school if it's available. We've sent out boy to summer school before, and I tell you, it helped a bunch. The next year, nothing under a B. Just lite a fire under him. Hopefully that's all he needs. Good luck.
 

MikeS

LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jun 12, 2000
716
1
Same here. Bad grades no ride.

Last year I sold his bike over the winter as normal. the grades went down. I told him no bike and no racing. He improved alot and I had a new bike for him stashed away. It killed me to hide the bike but I held off for almost 2 months until 4 days before the seasons first race.

It worked.
 

whyzee

Never enough time !
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Dec 24, 2001
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Not to pat my own shoulder, but I don't have this problem with my son. From a young age he has understood that there is value from his actions. I've never had to take any thing away, matter of fact he just got his new 85 for receiving straight A's for the second year in a row. If things were different with his behavior, he would have to be accountable for himself.

Have your son get together all his gear, bag it up and put it away. Then have him push the bike to the corner, lock it up and hand you the key ... all with the understanding that when things get better you will consider letting him ride again. Don't back down.

Good luck
 

gwcrim

~SPONSOR~
Oct 3, 2002
1,881
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I have a similar situation. My boy gets good marks for classwork but poor marks for "social skills". He's just finishing Kindergarten.

I hate to take his bike away because he gets his work done early and then acts up in class, but a deal is a deal. If his marks don't improve with this last report card, he's off the bike for at least the first month of summer. I warned him............

Then this fall as he enters First Grade we'll sit down and make new rules.
 

jpuetz

Member
May 2, 2001
55
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I have too much money invested in the kids' racing and bikes to do that. What I do is a combination of 2 things when I need to get their attention, whether it be bad grades or bad behavior.
1. no practice on the bikes, just go to the race. This makes them mad because they won't get any better by not practicing.
2. We live on an acreage with quite a few trees. When they don't practice, they pick up branches. And the branch pile just so happens to be on the other side of the yard from where they get the most branches. I have a pretty good pile going now. When the branches are all cleaned up, they will learn how to rake.
But, the main thing is, whatever you tell your kid is what you have to stick to, otherwise they will figure out in a hurry that they will never get grounded from the bike.
 

CaptainObvious

Formally known as RV6Junkie
Damn Yankees
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jan 8, 2000
3,331
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Did he perform well until he got the bike? If the poor grades are due to a slacker attitude because he got a dirt bike by all means, take that thing away.

Has he always been a poor performer? It is possible that the poor grades and attitude are the result of some other problem. Punishing your son, with no chance of him achieving the goals that you set, could back fire. Perhaps he needs a tutor, extra instruction, glasses or something else. Does he have a problem with his peers? Find out the root cause of the problem then work with him to resole or overcome the problem.

Yes, I would take the bike away. However, I would also work WITH HIM on improving his grades. Simply taking away something that he enjoys will NOT improve his grades. You need to work with him to achieve the goals that the two of you set.

If you son sees that you are truly trying to help him he will not resent the fact that you took away something he enjoys. In fact, my guess is that he’ll work harder to please you and regain his freedom.
 

Smit-Dog

Mi. Trail Riders
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Oct 28, 2001
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:thumb:

Great post RV6junkie! If you use the bike as a "control" mechanism, it will backfire and may just result in resentment for you and the bike. The tack should be "Let's put this bike away for a while so WE can concentrate on something more important right now". And then act as your son's partner on this so he feels that you're on his side, rather than someone who just takes away fun things.

And I like what Whyzee said about having your son do the actual task of putting the stuff away for storage. Act bummed like your son to show empathy (and I'm sure you'll be sincerely bummed as well!).

Do it NOW while he's young (and while you're still the "mold-maker"), because at age 14+, it's very very hard to change core characteristics/values/motivations of a child.

I am watching my sister-in-law go through this with her 16 year old daughter, i.e. taking away car privileges, and it is frustrating and painful to watch. The mold was set a long time ago, and the casting is pretty brittle now!

Good luck...
 

viking20

Sponsoring Member
Aug 11, 2002
428
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Now I know why I wasnt allowed to race when I was a kid........ ;)
Seriously,you have to set goals for your kids they will be able to achieve!
My son has no troubles keeping up in school,but he is lazy and sloppy with his homework,if we dont keep an eye on him.His sister is totally opposite,works like mad to get average grades,this is off course ok,and we try to support her the best we can...I tell them its just like racing:If you do the best you can,its ok,and nobody can ask for more....
 

Green Horn

aka Chip Carbone
N. Texas SP
Jun 20, 1999
2,563
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My son doesn't ride yet, but when he does I will most certainly explain to him that grades and attitude come first, then riding.
 

cappra

Member
Feb 8, 2001
65
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I have problems also with my son,s school marks and attitude from time to time. He finds school difficult and needs some help and positive motavation this is done with confidence bulding calm converastion usually while in the garage doing maitenace or will preparing for a race. I remind him to get his school work done before practice or friday night before race weekend.
We he came home and told me he did well in a english test and beat all the smart kids. My reply was "you are a smart kid". When at the races he talks about the fastguys I tell him "you are a fast guy"
To take away the one thing he his really good at and that helps build his confidence and motivation as well as shows him hard work pays off.
I just won,t do it, we will stay on the communication metheod it seems to be working as long as it is steady but not overbearing.
 

yzguy15

Sprayin tha game
N. Texas SP
Oct 27, 2000
1,271
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Whew, good thing I'm a perfect child. ;)
 

Rcannon

~SPONSOR~
Nov 17, 2001
1,886
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I went through something similar with my daughter and her "new" car. Her grades went straight down when she started driving. I explained to her that owning a car was something she should not get too comfortable with. I told her that with 6 f's out of a possible 8 grades that she should become very familiar with public transportation. Poor grades would limit her chances to find a good career or job.

It did not work. Nothing has changed. I am becomming more convinced that the kids do what they want to do no matter what you want them to do.
I suppose the only satisfaction I have (none) is knowing I am not spending extra money to further her goofing off instead of school.

If someone can solve these typed of problems, please post the answer.
 

RIDING ROB

Member
Jun 3, 2003
16
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Thanks for all your replies. first of all this has always been a problem and nothing we do seems to effect him. Its like he doesn't understand the concept of cause and affect. His teachers suggested that we have him tested for ADD. I was sceptacle at first, but now its in consideration. I can tell him to go clean his room and when I go up there hes playing on his game that hes grounded from. His reply is that he forgot, which I hear alot, and hes not lying because he really does forget. I don't know what to do.

He does respond to positive reinforcement, yet he very seldom does anything to receive it. Maybe I'm just rasionalizing the whole situation so I can enjoy watching him ride. But since I got him this bike, and the praise he gets with his acomplishmets on it, he seems to be trying harder. This is why I'm hesitant on taking the bike away.

Last year we told him that if he couldn't keep his grades up that we would pull him out of football. Man, I wish we wouldn't of said that. But we had to yank him out. I'm trying to avoid that situation with dirt bikes.

I don't know what to do.
 

rickyd

Hot Sauce
Oct 28, 2001
3,447
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Although i have no kids of my own, i do take freinds of the families kids, 13 & 10.. We have an understanding that if their grades fall, they don't ride.. Once the 13yo forgot too turn in an asingnment so he couldn't ride that weekend.. As hard as it was, i still went riding w/out him.. Even had him help me load up my bike (store at his parents house) and watch me drive off..

One of my freinds boy races, his kid smart mouthed his teacher and the teacher let my freind know about the problem.. SO what he did was too load up his sons bike, go out too the races then they went and sat in the stands and watched the races.. His son was in the points lead too.. He got the message..
Good luck w/your son, hope whatever you do works for him..
Rick
 

oldguy

Always Broken
Dec 26, 1999
9,419
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Has the subject of grades and riding been broached prior to the problem? It makes the decision alot easier if it was clear before the report period. Our son knows that grades come first and the big stick is that he will not attend Dirtweek if his grades this year do not cut it. The grade outlines are set at the begining of the school year so it isn't a surprise. Luckily he has done well enough (B+ average) that the enforcement hasn't become an issue.
It would kill me to leave him home from DW but he knows I would do it. My son has also seen close friends of his miss races because of grades or school problems so he knows it is a reality.
Keep in mind his homework is also the parents responsibilty thru the year and not just at report card time to stay on top of them.
 

Ricky

Member
Jan 12, 2000
98
0
Grades are not a problem in our household, just major attitude!! I hate taking his bike away, but have had to on a few occasions. It think it hurts me as much as it does him to have him sit on a bench and watch his sister and friends riding, but like others have said, once you issue the threat you have follow through with it. I much more prefer to confiscate the PS2 controllers for a week at a time.
 

Jasle

Sponsoring Member
Nov 27, 2001
1,358
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WE went through a short stint where my little guy was acting up in class. I took his bike away but we still went to the races. He had to tell everyone he got grounded from the bike and he got to watch his little sister race.
I'm a Cobra dealer and my son finishes up front so it really kills me to do this but it was VERY effective. Not once has he gotten in trouble at school since.
 

willtygart

Member
May 10, 2003
10
0
I had a similar problem with my son. I had threatened to take the bike away and then my wife came up with an interesting thought thats made sense. She told me that my sons riding was a release for him. She stated that instead of just laying down a punishment I should find out the "Why" in his behavior. It was amazing but just one talk explaining how I knew riding was inmportant to him and finding out the problem and he seemed to work it out. I was all for taking away the bike but I think my wife was right and at least in our situation it worked out well. good luck and I know all of us dads and moms are right there with ya.
 

KenR

Member
Feb 20, 2002
193
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RIDING ROB: We struggled with a similar situation that you have with our oldest son this year. I threw the old "bad grades=no racing" thing on him and it didn't make a difference. He loves to ride and race, but it was as though he didn't care during the week. We were plenty frustrated, then went to talk to the school counselor. She made an excellent suggestion, one that has worked like a charm.

She said that, in some cases, kids don't relate a punishment or reward to a behavior unless it's immediate. Her point was that racing is something that we do every week or two - the feedback connection of working hard during the week and getting to ride/race on the weekends wasn't being made because the cause and effect were too far apart.

She had us do two things. 1) Everyday, he has to get two initials from each teacher that indicates he's turned in the previous evenings homework and he's received that days homework. 2) Everday after school he shows us his agenda (a notebook with his assignments and the initials in it). If he has two initials for that day, he's rewarded with a letter (D-Monday, I-Tuesday, R-Wednesday, T-Thursday, Y-Friday) By Friday, if he has all the letters to spell DIRTY, he gets to ride and race.

When the counselor gave us this suggestion I thought it sounded ridiculous, but we gave it a try and it has really helped get him on track. Our issue was homework, but I'm sure you could adapt the system easily to other issues.

As for ADD, and I'll probably get flamed here but it's just my opinion, I think it's largely a bunch of hooey. My youngest boy would probably be diagnosed with it if he were tested, but I have no interest in medicating the fire out of a young man. Boys will be boys. If they're not acting up a bit, acting out, being rowdy, loud, disgusting and all the wonderfull things they are at these young ages, they're not being kids. I'm sure there are extreme cases where some kind of intervention is needed, but the whole ADD thing has become so widespread, I'm just not buying it.

I have a freind who'd boys teacher swears he has ADD, should be tested for it and probably on Ritalin. The problem is, is that she's said this about 1/3rd of the kids in her class. Clearly, this teacher is uncomfortable in a room full of 7 year olds.
 

gwcrim

~SPONSOR~
Oct 3, 2002
1,881
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Clearly, this teacher is uncomfortable in a room full of 7 year olds.

LOL

A room full of 7 yr olds would be enough to try the patience of Sister Theresa!

Used to be they'd medicate the mother with some valiums. Now they tone down the kids. What did we do before all these wonderful pharmacological discoveries? Oh that's right, they used to spank the living heck outta the kids and teach them proper respect for adults. Oh for the good old days. I wish they'd just paddle my boy at school and get it over with.

:yeehaw:
 

Jasle

Sponsoring Member
Nov 27, 2001
1,358
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The paddling thing sorta works but when we were having problems I sat in on a couple of classes. The things the teacher was complaining my kid was doing was happening all around the class. Just it seemed only my son was getting in trouble. We worked with our kid like I mentioned before. Also we brought it to the teachers attention that if Our son was done with his work and it was all correct to give him some more work instead of try and have a 7 year old sit there until the rest of the class was done. Seems he was only getting in trouble for acting out after his work was done?
 

gwcrim

~SPONSOR~
Oct 3, 2002
1,881
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Also we brought it to the teachers attention that if Our son was done with his work and it was all correct to give him some more work instead of try and have a 7 year old sit there until the rest of the class was done. Seems he was only getting in trouble for acting out after his work was done?

I think that's pretty much the same situation that I have. Not all teachers are "in tune" as much as maybe they ought to be????
 
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