Nov 13, 2002
The new California governor has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the State of California - rather than German or Spanish, which were the other possibilities. As part of those negotiations, the Terminator's (Der Gropenfuerers) government conceded that English spelling has always had some room for improvement - and the government has, therefore, accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Austro-English, " or, better, Austrionics."

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis - and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop mit Amerika vil finali kum tru.

If yu unnerstan zis, plez paz it on to ozzers, und zo ve can al komuniket mor ezy. ...Zis iz rely a goot ting, ya!