Devastated; Just Broke Up with my Girl

[Brian]

Like the title says, we just broke up. It was mostly mutual, but it hurts so bad I am at a loss for words at the moment. While it may be true I am young, we both are mature beyond our years. It took me forever to find someone with whom I shared common goals and didn't strictly want to party all the time. We had been together for quite some time, and planned on getting married eventually. She was my life, and I wonder if I will ever be able to find someone to love as much. Being my first true grown-up relationship I'm sure I am taking it harder than I should. All I know is that we had planned on spending our lives together, and I cannot now imagine another day without her in it. I have been crying like a little girl, and I hate that. There is only one person I know of that I would be comfortable crying in front of and could make me feel better, but that lone soul is her. I'm not one to cry much, so thats a lot for me. Things had been heading south here lately as we are both stressed with class and work, but i never would have thought it would lead to this. Something was not working and we both knew it. She thinks we have too much we don't agree on to make the future work. While it is true we don't see eye to eye on everything, I had alwasy thought our love would overcome that. Guess I was wrong. We do still love each other, and that makes it even tougher yet. Like I had said, I am at a loss for words, but I do know that this is by far the most severe pain I have ever felt. I never fully comprehended what was meant by a broken heart but I can grasp that concept now all too well. I am not expecting to get any sympathy here, nor am I looking for any. Just a chance to vent with some of the folks I consider to be my true friends. Thanks for listening

 

[Chili]

Time, friends and family will help the pain pass eventually. One thing I do know is that a fine young man like yourself should not worry at this point about whether you'll find someone to love as much. Keep your chin up and if we can help in any way all you have to do is ask.

 

[Patman]

Hey kid you want some DRN stickers? ;)

It's impossible to even consider right now but it will turn around for ya' Brian. Someone new will turn up or maybe she will turn up again down the road (Mrs. Patman did). Take it as a life lesson, learn and grow from it to become a better man sounds like just words but it's not. There's plenty of guys here on DRN that you know that have been through the same or even worse and came out of it even better and you will to.

 

[Papakeith]

I show you empathy, not sympathy. I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone here who hasn't been crushed by a failed relationship. It can take a long time to fully come to terms with it, but eventually you'll be able to move on and give yourself to someone else.

Hang in there Brian.

BTW, if you're going to vent, light a match and crack a window! :whoa:

 

[RM_guy]

I can feel for ya. My son just went through a break up over the summer and he couldn't eat (lost 20 pounds), cried, and generally didn't feel like he could go on. She blindsided him with "wanting to be on her own" for a while. This, after talk of moving in together, marriage, etc. He slept over at our house for a week because he couldn't bear to be home alone. His friends kept him busy and didn't leave him alone and after a month he was pretty much OK. It still hurts him because the memory will always be there but time and friends really do help. They say time heals all wounds and it really does.

 

[XRpredator]

. . . maybe she will turn up again down the road (Mrs. Patman did).

Mrs. Pred did too, but don't get your hopes up.

I know there ain't much any of us can say, bud, but you're young and there's a lot of fish in the sea. Have some fun, don't drown your sorrows in the booze, and look to your folks. Your ol' man sounds like a stand-up guy, so spend some time with the folks and get your mind right.

Or go ride your dirt bike.

 

[truespode]

Take it from me... in time things will be better and you will find happiness again.

You have know that it will get better even if you don't believe it yet. Once you start believing your world will completely turn around.

I have been through the ringer on that recently and now am very comfortable on my own. I'm about to go through another break up due to a move but I'm ok with it. Life goes on.

Besides, women are like buses... another one will be coming around in 10 minutes :)

Ivan

 

[James]

My advice would be to find a woman to compliment your life...not one to be your life. That is a lot to expect from another person. There are many women out there and there may even be a better fit.

Good thing is you guys are still close and maybe it will work out eventually. Be patient and don't rush/force it...she might just need some time. If you guys aren't a good match anymore, then maybe it's better to see it now than several years down the road possibly with kids involved.

I separated from my wife this year for similar reasons (goals, interests, opinions that didn't match up anymore) but I am fortunate to still have her as a great friend.

 

[Brian]

Thanks for the kind words guys. We are still on good terms and would like to be friends. I just know that right now that would be too painful for me. I couldn't bear to see her knowing that we wouldn't be together. I know that there are many others out there but right now I can't imagine being with anyone else. Trying to move on will be extremely difficult for me. It would almost be easier if we hated each other, at least then when I find someone else it wouldn't feel as wrong as I am predicting it might. Is it best to try and forget about her for the next several weeks until I am at least functional again? I'm trying to block it out but keep thinking of our good times and its killing me. Going to try and stay busy with work, school, riding, and whatever else I can do to get my mind off of things. Again, thanks for the insight, and for not calling me the little girl I feel like for being this emotional :coocoo:

 

[Patman]

We wouldn't call you a little girl for being this emotional. We sure might THINK it and some might even think of suggesting a relationship is much like jetting a carb to produce no spooge. Ya, might get it right for a little bit but it will change on ya'.

So quit being and emotional little girl ;)

 

[Rooster]

Hang tough Brian. I'm a member of the broken heart club as well, and just when I had given up on finding the right woman, there she was, crashed under a pine tree at DW in '03.

Fate and destination will bring things together when you least expect it.

 

[CaptainObvious]

there she was, crashed under a pine tree at DW in '03

Or was that at a day-care center...

Hang tough Stan-bagger, love will find you many times during your life. There is no "single" person that is right for you, but hundreds. The trick is to be able to see them as they stand before you.

 

[Patman]

The trick is to be able to see them as they stand before you.

ANd to make sure it's not Gomer in a dress..... AGAIN!

 

[biglou]

ANd to make sure it's not Gomer in a dress..... AGAIN!

I remember the first 14-15 times that happened to me. Talk about embarrassing... :whoa:

 

[mx547]

Hang tough Brian. I'm a member of the broken heart club as well, and just when I had given up on finding the right woman, there she was, crashed under a pine tree at DW in '03.

you're lucky. the only person i ever found crashed under a pine tree was sawblade. :ohmy:

or was that a cedar?

 

[truespode]

I found Gomer stuck under his bike on a group ride and it was a mad dash for all of us to poke him with a stick.

I think that all started with Rich and Okie... to the best of my recollection they were the first to ever poke Gomer!

Ivan

 

[SpDyKen]

We wouldn't call you a little girl for being this emotional. We sure might THINK it and some might even think of suggesting a relationship is much like jetting a carb to produce no spooge. Ya, might get it right for a little bit but it will change on ya'.

So quit being and emotional little girl ;)

You'll feel better when you actually go riding. You'll feel even better when you ride the second time. Same for the 3rd and 4th. The 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th time riding will continue to improve how you feel. Sometime between the 10th and the 200th, you will begin to reach a 'plateau,' and you will begin to see less improvement in your 'emotional self.' I call this the emotional shelf; which is kind of like a table-top.

By the time you get to this table-top, you will be in such good shape, from riding so much, be so focused on your riding, and be riding so well, that you will have completely put all of this mess out of your mind.

So, get off of the darn computer and go ride, will ya! (You will become a man again.)

 

[Brian]

Well, its been all of three days now and I'm afraid to say I still don't feel any better. To make matters worse, yesterday would have been our anniversary :(

I have been trying to stay busy putting in extra hours at work and have gone out with friends after work drinking moderate to excessive amounts of alcohol. Felt better at the time but I've found that upon waking up, she is still gone and I again feel no better. So, no more of that. It only leaves me with a headache and a lighter wallet. I have to see her today to exchange some stuff we have of each others, thats going to be tough for me. I am riding this weekend for the first time in a long time, so hopefully that will help. Keeping my mind off things is the best I can do, but even that is easier said than done. I will have to take this one day at a time and hope for the best. Thanks again for your kind (or semi-kind :nener: ) words

 

[SpDyKen]

Well, its been all of three days now and I'm afraid to say I still don't feel any better. To make matters worse, yesterday would have been our anniversary :(

I have been trying to stay busy putting in extra hours at work and have gone out with friends after work drinking moderate to excessive amounts of alcohol. Felt better at the time but I've found that upon waking up, she is still gone and I again feel no better. So, no more of that. It only leaves me with a headache and a lighter wallet. I have to see her today to exchange some stuff we have of each others, thats going to be tough for me. I am riding this weekend for the first time in a long time, so hopefully that will help. Keeping my mind off things is the best I can do, but even that is easier said than done. I will have to take this one day at a time and hope for the best. Thanks again for your kind (or semi-kind :nener: ) words

Go to a M/C shop, buy or order some parts or accessories for your bike today, and plan to spend some "alone time" with it, this evening. You've likely been neglecting it, lately, no doubt, because of your ex.

You'll be happy about the money you spend, and you'll feel a whole lot better tomorrow morning.

I'm serious. Do this today. It will help! :cool:

Most people here have been through something like what you are experiencing. You have got to take action to work through these things. Take control of your emotions or they will control you.

BTW, later, you're going to kick yourself for not doing it yesterday!

 

[mx547]

skip the alcohol part too.

 

[truespode]

skip the alcohol part too.

Ditto.

Brian... I feel for you. I was with a woman for 13 years, married 8 and then one day she left. I really didn't see it coming.

Ask any of my friends on here who I have told the story to... I was devastated.

That was 2 1/2 years ago.

I am now happy. Truly happy. I don't need anyone in my life, although I currently have a good girl in my life but she is moving so I realize that relationship too is going to end soon.

But I know I can take anything life dishes out now. I am confident that I am going to be fine no matter what.

I was so low that I didn't think I would survive. I dropped 60lbs, didn't do well at work and really lost all touch with reality.

It was through my friends who didn't give up on me (many of them on here) that helped me through it all.

I guarantee you will get over this in time and in real time, not 3 days. 3 days is barely a dent in the amount of time it might take.

The best thing you can do is to live life right and wait for the next opportunity in life, whether it be a new girl, a new job, a new learning opportunity or the chance to ride... just enjoy it when it comes and realize that this pain will pass in time.

Good luck.

Ivan

 

[Patman]

And quit being a little girl!

 

[oldguy]

the best part is she doesn't know how to find you Stan since you probably convinced her that Brian guy was you. ;)
You have gotten great advice here so far and in a few weeks you'll look back and probably miss her but that feeling won't last long. Spider went through something similar a couple years back and he thought life was over. Now he has a fantastic girl in his life and realistically knows they are young and they may not last forever but they are enjoying today. It never gets easier and you have just grown up another leap (or is this the bound)
BTW if it would make you feel better you could spend money on my future bike instead of alcohol :laugh:

 

[JuliusPleaser]

Look at the bright side - you got out before it cost you a house, a bunch of money, and your self-esteem.

It's OK to spend some time grieving, but don't let it rule your life. It's over, but there are plenty of other women out there who can't wait to make you miserable.

Trust me - one of them will find you soon enough. ;)

 

[CaptainObvious]

but there are plenty of other women out there who can't wait to make you miserable.

Indeed JP, indeed.