MrLuckey

Fire Marshall Ed
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Feb 9, 2000
3,718
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Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who offered a solution:

"The good news is that I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your "Twins" to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one heck of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the "Twins"."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job.", the salesman said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see 34 sleeve and ... 16 and a half neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "It's my job."

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the
collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9 and a half...wide." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "It's my job."

Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said,"Let's see ...size 36." Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34.

It would press your "Twins" up against the base of your spine and give you one heck of a headache."
 

CanadianRidr

Sponsoring Member
Oct 22, 2001
2,021
0
I hope this isn't too vulgar. It seemed pretty clean :)

"Politics Explained"

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep $hit."
 

RM_guy

Moderator
Damn Yankees
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Nov 21, 2000
7,045
208
North East USA
My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took
it to the veterinarian.

He found the problem was hair in its ears and cleaned both
ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet told the lady if she
wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store
and get some "Nair" hair remove and rub in its ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover.

At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under
your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says, "If you're using it on your legs don't shave
for a couple of days."

The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs either and if you
must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for a week.
 

a454elk

Mexicutioner
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jun 5, 2001
7,538
18
:):):):)
 

jeffd

Naïve Texan
N. Texas SP
Jun 9, 2000
1,610
0
Thanks for the grins, boys. I needed a laugh after the week I had!

-jeffd
 

fremontguy

LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jul 1, 2000
580
0
Just heard Monica Lewinski was offered a job working for the United Nations.


It was a missionary position, she told them she wasn't interested. :uh:
 
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