RM_guy

Moderator
Damn Yankees
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Nov 21, 2000
7,045
208
North East USA
IMPONDERABLES..... ??

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you
get undressed?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way
down to the core of the earth?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you
do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

If you mated a bulldog and a ****su, would it be called a bull****?

Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries have a 'use by' date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp no-one would eat?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

What do people in China call their goods plates?

Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to
their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?
 

jeffd

Naïve Texan
N. Texas SP
Jun 9, 2000
1,610
0
For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age...this is a warning.

For those, who have not yet had children, this is birth control.


The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN...(HONEST AND NO KIDDING):


1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.foot house 4
inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too
late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject peanut butter & jelly sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like
ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will however make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a six-year-old is wonderful. First grade....(true story):
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was
trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "....And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full
of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
build my house?"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man
said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said "Holy S**T! A
talking pig!"


The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


-jeffd
 
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