Funny stories

I'll start.

A couple years ago Al (Agent Orange) managed to come off the front of the DR350 on a downhill heading towards the parking lot at Finger Lakes in Columbia, MO. He managed to stay on his feet although running to keep from falling. He just comes running out of the trees into the lot in front of the group. Everyone is looking at him like: "Where's the bike?". Then the bike comes crashing out of the trees!.
Secondly, there are my many, infamous zero-mile-per-hour crashes this year.:o
And last, yesterday during the second moto, fourth lap, crossing the start/finish tabletop I managed to go straight up, then straight back down and bounce my head off the bar pad. Quite embarrassing considering there was no one else around me as I was so far ahead, er, um, I mean behind everyone else.:confused: (Actually, at this point I was just slightly ahead of the leader:D )

Some really good motorcycle stories can be found at Patman's place

http://patburroughs.dirtrider.net/pat_hall.htm

&

http://patmanracing.tripod.com/stories.htm

Now, I still don't know who the real Patman is?:scream:

All ya gotta do is say: "Would the real Patman please stand up." You'll immediately know who the real "Pantless Wonder" is!:scream:

One hot, steamy July, while riding in the Sam Houston Nat'l Forest, I sat down by a tree while waiting for some slower riding buds. Unfortunately, although I did not realize it at the time, I was sitting on top of a fire ant mound. I also slipped out a few "barking spiders" from the previous nights Mexican food, which must've angered the ants. By the time the last of my buds had arrived the ants had found their way down inside my pants and underneath my jersey. Lars pulled up looked down at me and mentioned that I was covered with fire ants. At that exact moment they all started biting me. I pulled my gear completely off, even my BVD's, while hosing the ants off with water from my Camelbak. At the same time a small group of equestrian riders came up the trail. Imagine their suprise at seeing a nekkid guy dancing around and screaming in the middle of the woods. :eek:

It's funny now, but at the time it hurt like hell. Took about three months for all the welts to subside. Needless to say I'm highly alergic to fire ants. :scream:

Kids will be Kids

http://www.southfloridamx.com/new_page_129.htm

I am but one of the Texas Patmen, not my site though I've had a few funny "stories" happen in my day.
-Riding up a fallen tree before thinking about how to get down.
-Losing my front wheel mid-air in a sand pit (even split my Easy Rider helmet):(
I'm sure there may be one or two more.:silly:

Pole vault champ

A friend of mine was on a log road after going through a pine section. I saw him on the road but didn't see the dead tree that caught me under the armpit. The tree lifted me a good 10 ft in the air and my bike kept going to the log road. After the bike landed by my friend he started yelling for me not knowing I was under a tree close to where he was.

Ok, one time My friend and I were at a new area and across the field I seen ..Oooh a jump!!! so I took off waaaaaaaaaa...coming up on this jump about 4th or 5th gear W.O. with my buddy about 30-40 feet behind me,I see the face of the jump and give it a Berwaaaap for that extra loft and relize that this is an imbankment for a canal, I hit the water so hard that I could not breath and my buddy seen me hit it so hard that he could not breath (from laughing) then he relized that with my boots,helmet and all other riding gear on and being knocked out of breath I was drowning,

let me tell ya ...he is also now my fishing buddy.

One time, at band camp...

Okay, early spring trail ride and we'd run into a few snow patches. We came upon a pretty big one, so I (being the only guy on a 4-stroke) was elected to go first and chug a trail through it with the XR. I get about halfway through, and I see my cousin go shooting by me in mid air, without his bike!

Turns out, he thought he'd get tricky and wheelie through and roost me, but he started his attack, the front wheel came down with tremendous force into a deep spot, and bein's he had hit the patch at such high speed, he was catapulted over the bars! I looked back, and his YZ was balanced on it's front wheel!

We hee-hawed him for quite a while after that one!

Uh, yeah. Right. Maybe you've been so ABnormal for so long it just feels normal? You've become acclimated!:p
(Just funnin' with ya).:D

When I was 14 I was racing my friend down a beach he was about 200' in front of me when he slammed on his brakes and went up around this pole. I opened the bike WFO to pass him, then I saw why he went around the pole. There was a rope tied to it going into the water holding a small boat in place. Before I knew what happened I hit the rope at about 40mph with my number plate, I kept moving till the boat came up on shore then the bike stopped and I flew over the handle bars a slid face first through the mud and eel grass. My friend laughed for at least an hour at me.

1 month later, I get revenge. We are crossing a main road in town on our bikes. A few cars stop to let us cross, he goes first and rides a wheelie across and puts the front wheel down right against the curb. The front end bottoms out then one of the fork cap blows off and the spring flies out smacking him in the middle of his forehead. The force knocked right off the back of the bike ( he wasn`t wearing a helmet). Everyone jumped out of their cars to help him. Once I found out he was ok I laughed my ass off at him. Then we picked up the pieces before the cops got there. We found everything except one snap ring.

during one of our many snow riding trips we were playing around in a nice section filled with frozen mudholes covered with snow. My friend adam was riding in front of me and we were scooting along up through the woods and coming up on a sharp right handed turn. I see adam swing wide and rip through the turn, so doing my best flattrack impersonation I ripped through the turn to see adam hit a snow covered 4 wheel drive rut and break through the ice. Adam weighs in at around 300 pounds and upon crashing into the rut flew azz over tea kettle and landed in a crumpled heap helmet down in a snowbank. Somehow on his trip over the bars he kicked his whyzinger in between gears, and there it stood straight in the rut idling away as adam asked if he had scratched his new helmet, quite entertaining ;)

Once upon a time I bought a KTM ;) . At least all my riding buddies think it's hilarious every time they see my parts receipts :(

Just this last weekend something happened to me that I thought was rather funny. I was riding the Chatsworth ORV MX track when I pulled off to take a break. My dad came over with the gas can to fill the tank. After about 15 mins I decided to go back out. While going through a particularly rough deep sand section I heard something bouncing around. Not wanting to stop in that section I waited to get to some hard dirt. After pulling off I look down and see an open gas tank and gas all over the bike and unfortunately my riding pants. After about a minute the burning starts to set in:eek: . After that I ended putting in my fastest laps of the day after that. I even ended up passing some guy with pro digits on his bike on one section of the track.

welll... EONS ago.... 1970...??

My first dirt bike was a Honda Trail 90 ... you know, the kind with the swiveling handlebars so it could be hauled a truck's front bumper mount?

After doing some dirty bike riding our around Boise, ID.. my brother and I (on identical Trail 90s) swung by the local car wash to spritz 'em off.

I got done first and while waiting for him, I was cutting cookies out in the parking lot. Quite easy with a wet rear tire and a centrifigul clutch (another key element in this story.... )

Needless, on my last doughnut I dumped it just as my brother pulled up. Amidst his hooting, I picked up the bike, and rolled off to leave. I was also too busy flipping him the bird to check out my bike. (foreshadowing element #3)

The light at the first intersection went red just as we arrived. Looking down, I saw my handlebars were twisted off-center. So, I hopped off, straddled the front wheel and twisted them back to center.

Remember the centrifigul clutch...? Dang.... I didn't. Well, the little pooper was just sitting there IN GEAR, idling away. When I twisted the handlebars... it twisted the throttle! And the bike lunged forward... which caused me to push back against the bike to maintain my balance... which twisted the throttle more.

The sequence repeated itself ... and picked up speed... until.. straddling the front end... I and the bike waltzed out into the middle of the busy intersection! When I fianlly wrestled the wee beastie to a stop, the light went green... but son of a gun... nobody moved!

Which was due to EVERYBODY'S mouth hanging open.... sitting there trying to figure out what this kid was "doing" to the front of his bike? Or why was his bike attacking him? or.....?

Needless, to say, my brother was of no use what-so-ever due to lack of air from laughing his ass off. Damn near fell of his bike....

And yes, this story gets repeated every year over Christmas family dinner.

dang. so people just won't let you be. (grin)

[Editor's Note: Story 7of434.]

"I See Checkered Flags"

(Kinda like The Sixth Sense's "I see dead people")

Well... here's my very recent story of stupidity! :eek:

Background:

I am currently in a tough battle for first place in Illinois' District 17. I was barely in first at the end of August and took off Memorial Day Weekend to race the Steel City, PA, Women's MX League race. That weekend my top competitor made up 34 points on me and took the lead. I have been trying to fight back (mostly 3 points at a time) since then - with a wrench (more like a big bolder) thrown in my plans at DW sidelining me for a few weeks in September. Anyways... going into last Sunday's race at Byron, IL - I was 7 points out of first - with only 4 race days for points left in the season.

The Story - "I See Checkered Flags"

First moto went great - I got the holeshot and the first place points girl had a bike problem. She ended up with a DNF in the moto and I took the win. Things were looking good! The second place girl was pretty close, though - I would need to step it up in the second moto.

Second moto comes along - and another holeshot! I rode 3 laps in my own pace and thought I was way out in front. Took a glance behind me and "WOAH!" There she was - the points leader right behind me. I was pretty sure it was the last lap - so I put on a big charge to pull away. I rode as hard as I could. And over the finish line I came "YES!" Got the checkers (or so I thought) did the thumbs up thing and exited the track off to my pits - as tired as can be.

But wait - there she goes around the track again?!? :eek: I turned around and saw Red and some others going nuts and pointing towards the track. WHITE FLAG LAP? WHAT?!? I SAW THE CHECKERS, DIDN'T I?!? OH NO!! So I frantically got back on the track (in 3rd place) and needed to get into 2nd to get the overall win. I rode my butt off (slightly outta control) to get into 2nd and even started catching first (didn't get her though). Came around to the finish, again... and saw the checkered flag... AGAIN! :confused:

So I luckily got the overall and moved within 1 point of first place in the district. 3 more race days left - I will try to pay a little more attention to the flags in the remaining races - I can't believe I almost threw that race away!!

"I SEE CHECKERED FLAGS" (our big joke about me now) :p

Nikki-LMAO! This past Sunday during the "Over 40" 2nd moto, the flagman accidentally waved the white flag instead of the checkered as the last guy (a lapper) crossed the line. He was screaming "NO! NO! NO!" through his helmet. Got a good chuckle out of the crowd, too. This guy was pooped and just wasn't gonna do another lap!

Thanks for reminding me

Air dania is one of our better tracks because they are always changing it around to keep it interesting.

well my buddy and I show up early and walk the track like always and we see a few good lines to use.

Time to do a few practice laps so we line up and the flag guy gives us the OK, so we take off like a bat out of hell, first table top seemed strange to me because it was a long take off but a very steep and short landing come to the first turn and the flagger is going nuts, WRONG WAY!!!!! Holy crap we have 6 bikes coming our way!!!
but the worst part is my buddy did not notice the flagger because he was through the first turn before the flagger freaked, well I stopped and watch my buddy heading to his death and just as he was getting ready to hit the next table top he seen the other guys and lofted his bike along the side of the table top.

Funny part is the guys that were going the correct way, never even noticed that they were almost decapitated.