Apr 30, 2007
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So...Last Thursday, I started feeling like a whole pile of crap.

I ate some tylenol, and that got me through work, but man was I ever glad to be done! 280Z (my brother) and I modified some pizza and ate it. Upon which, I prettymuch decided that it was time to couch myself and sleep. Fever of 102.

The next morning, I really felt like a real...not big (since I am also not big) pile of poopie.

Fever, chills, coughing up green crap (for all that green crap, I think I inhaled an alien at some point), and the distinct suspicion that I'd been run over by something big and heavy since my joints and back were killing me. I made these feelings very clear to everyone by announcing the following facts several times, "I don't feel good. I want a dog."

This went on for a long time, until today (Monday) actually, when I called in sick to work, and my boss didn't even recognize my voice. The fever stuck around for over three days. It was time to go to the doctor.

Going to the doctor is one of my MOST HATED things EVER.

So I called in, and they promptly set an appointment at 9am. By the time my call had gotten through to them, it was 8:14am...and it takes me about 25 minutes to get to town. I was still in my pajamas and not showered yet. That means I had something like 16 minutes to get ready.

That's kinda hard to do when you can barely process the idea of showering, let alone perform the actions necessary to said act of showering. What did I do next? I prettymuch stood there for two of my precious minutes and looked at the shower (stupidly) before realizing that it needed turning on.

Somehow, I wasn't late.

Upon arrival, I registered myself, and that went without issue until I gave a pathetic little cough. Not a coughing fit mind you, just one small cough. I don't even know that it counted as a cough, since I was mostly just clearing my throat.

Said registering lady's eyes got the size of saucers, and she whipped out of her chair like a spaceship to go find a mask. I swear, I almost saw the word "ZOOM" appear in her dust trail. "Based on your symptoms, we need you to wear this!" Man...I felt bad enough already, but this was like getting kicked out to the doghouse.

I put that thing on, and everyone in the entire waiting room collectively stared, and shrunk back into their chairs like I had some deadly highly spreadable plague. When I sat down along one wall, some lady moved from her spot about five chairs down, to the other side of the room. I didn't know whether to feel bad for myself, or actually apologize to her for her feeling like she needed to move. All I was, was just a little sick...Really!

Every person that entered the room in the next ten minutes reacted much in the same way, and sat across the room with horrified stares. Mind you, I wasn't really lonely for a chat, as I am not exactly a social creature, but I don't like drawing that kind of attention to myself.

I never coughed again while in the waiting area. Meanwhile, another lady behind the desk was hacking painfully every 35 seconds. She had no mask. I resented her.

The hateful mask was also an adult size, and I am mostly small sized, so the more I breathed on it, the more the papery folds started to unfold, making the stupid thing bigger and bigger. Soon it covered my entire face from the bottoms of my lower eyelids to the base of my neck. I got all short of breath too, in addition to being short of stature, and short on cash.

About the time I figured that I should cover my entire face with the mask, my name was called. Somehow, I had it figured that covering my entire face (including my eyes) would display the stupidity of the entire situation. Why on earth should I wear one of those forsaken things for clearing my throat when Ms. Hacksalot behind the desk didn't have to?

Really...I hate every part of going to the doctor.

I wandered on back into the labyrinth of examination rooms, nearly stumbling behind the nurse because said nurse was some sort of ex-BBall player. "Dude, You have to slow down. My legs are short, and I can't breathe with this mask on."

"DON'T TAKE THAT OFF!"

Holy chastising batman! The look that accompanied those words hit me probably twice as hard as she could've back in her days as a champ. The hike continued on in silence, people parting like the Red Sea as we (I) approached.

"Take your coat off so we can get your weight."

I did so, but began shivering immediately. Then she was pissed because I wasn't holding still on the scale and the numbers were kinda jumping around. She took my blood pressure, got all pale, and then asked how I was still walking. I guess it was kindof low. I asked how low it was, but she was already out the door and threw an sortof not really understandable answer back at me.

Good times.

I waited about ten more minutes before the actual doctor showed up, in which I fell asleep in the chair. The doctor was obsessed with "the drinking questions." I think she was trying to trick me into saying I was an alcoholic or something, because we went through the set at least 3 times. Finally, she declared that I had influenza, and ordered a test to be sure.

Needle right? Draw some blood, get it in a vial and send it off to the lab, right?

Nope, she whipped out a 5" long q-tip, and announced, "This is going to hurt your eye."

"WHAT!?! You are NOT going to poke me in the eye with that!"

"It's going in your nose. It'll make your eye hurt."

"You're going to poke me in the eye, through my nose!?"

Understand folks, it does not take 5" of anything to get inside my nose, also, my eye is a LONG ways up there if you take the route through my nose, and I wasn't cool with anything going that far up my nose.

She did it. That wicked broad shoved that q-tip all the way up my nose and stabbed me in the eye with it hard enough to make me cry (only out of that eye).

She sent it off to the lab and I napped for 45 minutes on the exam table thing while I waited to hear back on the results.

My eye still feels funny.

I don't have influenza, and I still hate doctors.

(I am, however very very grateful for what they do, and how well some of them do it!).
 

RM_guy

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I gotta say if this wasn't about you being sick I would have been laughing much harder than I was. It nice to see people see the humor in things. I hope your feel somewhat back to normal (for you) now.
 

MXGirl230

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RM_guy said:
I gotta say if this wasn't about you being sick I would have been laughing much harder than I was. It nice to see people see the humor in things. I hope your feel somewhat back to normal (for you) now.


What he said! :)
 

2strokerfun

Member
May 19, 2006
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I laughed out loud. And you can't do anything about it !! Very funny !! Did you know that when they do arthroscopic stomach surgery, they do it by putting a clear tube about 3/8" into your stomach through your nose !!?? I can think of two orifices to get to your stomach that are probably less painful than the sinuses, but nooooooo.
 
Apr 30, 2007
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RM_guy said:
I gotta say if this wasn't about you being sick I would have been laughing much harder than I was. It nice to see people see the humor in things. I hope your feel somewhat back to normal (for you) now.

I was long overdue for a good ole' doctor-rant. I'm just glad it didn't have anything to do with broken bones or 3rd degree burns!

I have a few days before I start feeling awesome again (I hope). I've been having an extremely tough time with non-existent appetite. I can get a few bits and pieces of something easy down, say three crackers or so, and the rest of the day I am gagging on everything else I try chew or swallow.

I figure that won't last long. I love to eat.
 

BSWIFT

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My brother swears to this day that you actually breath through your sphincter! As he puts it, when the doc stuck the camera where the sun don't shine, he didn't breath until it was removed.
 
Apr 30, 2007
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Except for some wicked coughing that's keeping me awake...a lot, I am doing a LOT better.
 
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