is it ethical to use primate based test equipment

sfc crash

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#1
As some of you know, at present i am testing a revolutionary Db redution exhaust system on my briggs 2.5 factory specd' mini bike. I have devised a unique Db testing piece of equipment that, while revolutionary and cuttining edge in nature, seems to have some of my corporate backers a lil' upset. The way it works is, i've got a 15 year old chain smoking spider monkey, who's addicted to online porno and cheezits, in a cage that i bolt onto the end of the exhaust system I'm testing. I fire up the bike, hold it WOT for 15 min 28 sec and then look to the monkey for "reactivity symptoms". depending on his "reactivity symptoms" i have a calibrated read on the Dbs, to the neasest .0167 Db(near as i can tell). The monkey is a chronic masterbator and flinger of poop. Gotta go, my COBOL class is about to start, more info to follow.
 

KiwiBird

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#2
Crash, so long as your brother has lots of cheezits and his cage is kept clean, I say go for it.
 

motometal

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#3
that's really funny stuff!  You thought that up while sitting in class, pretending to sleep, dint ya?
 

XR3J

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#4
Originally posted by sfc crash
As some of you know, at present i am testing a revolutionary Db redution exhaust system on my briggs 2.5 factory specd' mini bike. I have devised a unique Db testing piece of equipment that, while revolutionary and cuttining edge in nature, seems to have some of my corporate backers a lil' upset. The way it works is, i've got a 15 year old chain smoking spider monkey, who's addicted to online porno and cheezits, in a cage that i bolt onto the end of the exhaust system I'm testing. I fire up the bike, hold it WOT for 15 min 28 sec and then look to the monkey for "reactivity symptoms". depending on his "reactivity symptoms" i have a calibrated read on the Dbs, to the neasest .0167 Db(near as i can tell). The monkey is a chronic masterbator and flinger of poop. Gotta go, my COBOL class is about to start, more info to follow.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 

Milk

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#5
Originally posted by sfc crash
As some of you know, at present i am testing a revolutionary Db redution exhaust system on my briggs 2.5 factory specd' mini bike. I have devised a unique Db testing piece of equipment that, while revolutionary and cuttining edge in nature, seems to have some of my corporate backers a lil' upset. The way it works is, i've got a 15 year old chain smoking spider monkey, who's addicted to online porno and cheezits, in a cage that i bolt onto the end of the exhaust system I'm testing. I fire up the bike, hold it WOT for 15 min 28 sec and then look to the monkey for "reactivity symptoms". depending on his "reactivity symptoms" i have a calibrated read on the Dbs, to the neasest .0167 Db(near as i can tell). The monkey is a chronic masterbator and flinger of poop. Gotta go, my COBOL class is about to start, more info to follow.
Richard,

What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
 

XRpredator

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#6
and I was hoping to hear about the puppy who lost his way and how it relates to the industrial revolution and it's affect on society :|
 

sfc crash

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#7
Milk posts, "blah blah blah,anything that could be considered a rational thought." Well sir i respond thusly. Obviously your third grade education has failed you once again, proving to all who read it that you are a simple minded sort and a flasher of genitals!.Do you not know of miners using parakeets in the mines to detect poison gasses? The precidence has been set my friend. Anyway, i think i might have broken my monkey. I was calibrating him to a known value last night when tragedy struck. I unbolted my muffler from the DFA 426 and fastend the cage to the head pipe to get a good "reactivity symptoms" read. You see, because of the monkeys puriant lifestyle (not unlike Mr Milk's i might add), he needs to be calibrated frequently. I ran the 426 pig WOT for the required 15 min 28 sec and then cut the power. I got the expected "reactivity symptoms" at a preset 145 Db + -, the initial teeth gritting, poop flinging, uncontrollable urination and total loss of bowel controll, but ending the test the monkey seemed unresponsive. As of this morning he is no longer viewing internet porn, sitting up right or opening both eyes. he is how ever still chain smoking and able to pleasure himself, altho the later seems to be laborsome for him. While in this state he is useless to me as a test subject. The question now is how to fine tune him back up to specs. I'm thinking if i shave him and take away his Old Crow his sensitivity might return so that i might continue my scientific quest. if not i will need a new test subject. I will keep all updated on the ongoing research.
 
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70 marlin

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#8
It's ok, as long as you give him a bottle of jack & twevle beers a day.
 
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#9
Originally posted by sfc crash
Anyway, i think i might have broken my monkey.
:eek: Oh crap! Wait til PETA hears about this. :confused: :scream: :laugh:
 

BunduBasher

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#10
monkey wrench anyone :) :p
 

Smit-Dog

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#11
I think what disturbs me most about your post is that you are taking a class in Cobol... :scream:
 

Tony Eeds

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#12
Originally posted by Smit-Dog
I think what disturbs me most about your post is that you are taking a class in Cobol... :scream:
He is studying ancient history :uh:
 

sfc crash

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#14
Curses! Curse you all! I'm not mad. that monkey idea is pure genious. I'm corosponding with Vlad Chernako, former captain of K-19 about possible modifications to the monkeys gear to protect him from residual heat at the exhaust ports. Regardless, he and I are both in agreement that the monkey is a slacker and I'm exposing him to an environment well within the primate spectrum for imediate survivability. We do agree tho that at such precision based testing on an old alcoholic self abusing monkey we might begin to show a point of diminished returns. Bad luck that, but the quest for knowledge wont be derailed because of a lowers specie's inability to adapt! Damn the nay bobs! BTW COBOL is a requirement for a degree, as is school attendance and satisfactory completion of all assigned work, but I am not off-put by the comments. Were Einstine or , well, any other of those guys swayed by the naysayers, we wouldn't have a bunch of good stuf right now.
 

zio

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#15
It's only unethical if you make him wear lipstick and tell him you want to do some special testing back at your place. Unless, of course, he's the alpha male. In that case I say lube up and hang on. Monkies are extremely uninhibited.