more rambling thoughts

[Michelle]

I don't know how to word this or even how to explain it properly, but hopefully it makes some semblance of sense.

This year things have changed for me and other things are looming on the horizon but until they're in sight, they'll be ignored ;)

What I have found in the past few weeks is I've changed but until yesterday, I didn't know why or if it'd last. Anyway, I'll try to explain and I'm hoping some of it will make sense to someone and help them.

When I started riding about 6 years ago, I had in my mind that one day I'd be able to keep up with Henk - this'll never happen & guess what, it doesn't matter. I guess it's been in the back of my mind for all this time, but not even recognised. I've had a lot of fun in the meantime but have also had a lot of frustration with myself.

When the guys come back from a ride, they're full of big hills, getting stuck & all the rest of it but I've always thought "huh, I wouldn't even attempt that". When they've fallen off or crashed, it's been totally irrelevant & incomprehensible. Reading ride reports here from people like Bbbom, FC22, getmetoca, Randy & Susan have been similar. Mentally I haven't been able to relate.

What I've found in the past couple of months is I've switched off to that & realised that whatever I'm facing is relevant to me. I've found a good friend to ride with sometimes & I watch her struggle with some stuff I find easy & then she gets to watch me struggle with something she's just blitzed. It's like I've been thinking everyone but me is perfect. I've realised that we all have our strengths & weaknesses, we all have our own fears & our own celebrations. It could be a stupid little hill or a stinkin' rock or whatever. I've watched guys struggle with stuff that I've blitzed & then had to put up with them helping me out of something they didn't realise could even be a problem.

i read in another thread about someone asking if she should race. My answer to that is "give it a go & decide for yourself if you want to". Just because someone thinks you should be ready doesn't mean you are. Heck, you may love it or you may hate it. If you don't feel like even attempting a race yet, don't. You're no lesser a person because of it. I've had a lot of fun at some of the races I've attempted, but had a miserable time at others. Basically, I'm not ready but maybe I'll never be. I'll have fun in the meantime.

I'm married to a racehead but don't have that mentality. I'm surrounded by them but also have a lot of friends who aren't interested. I also know I hate sitting in the pits & so will have to do some races.

My circumstances are different from anyone else's, as with everyone - but it also means I have to judge things for myself, not listen to what people think I should do. I've finally learnt that - I can take advice but I have to decide what to do with it. Just because I'm told "you should stand there" doesn't mean I'm mentally able to. I might be better off sitting at that point as at least I didn't fall. You can lead a horse to water but you can't force him to drink is definitely true.

I've got another friend who's learning to ride & she's doing what I've been doing - comparing herself to everyone else. We're trying to tell her she's doing really well for the stage she's at (she is) but whether she believes us or not is up to her. We're proud of her and keep telling her.

With this forum I've seen the same - people unsure of themselves getting a heap of encouragement & succeeding (or trying at least). I don't have much time online (I've been trying to work out how to post this for an age, and decided stuff it, I'm going to just try but it means I don't have much time to read posts tonight).

Whoever you are, whatever you've done - you did good. We may not always say something, but you can guarantee you're not alone. When you come to that hill & you don't make it the first time (or end up pushing the bike up or walking it down), don't worry.

I'd been wondering what had changed, but the fact of the matter is, I've got someone at about my level to ride/compete with and I'm seeing what I think is disgusting is okay. We both have good & bad rides but we're both laughing at each other. That has been a huge obstacle for me, I've been comparing myself to ex-champions & thinking I suck totally (I do) but not realising I haven't been alone (I've known it on one level, but it just didn't sink in).

I think we're all pretty hard on ourselves, but maybe we shouldn't be as hard as we are. Compare yourself to someone around your ability (forget how long you've been riding, that's not totally relevant). Just because Bbbom's been riding about as long as me doesn't mean I'm as good as her (I wish) & because getmetoca's not been riding as long means she shouldn't be a better rider than me (age, experience, ability & general talent plus riding hours helps) - she is ;) Maybe one day we'll be on an equal playing field (hmm, where shall we meet - Bali?), in the meantime, let's have fun. Give encouragement where you can, take it where it's offered, accept help & remember, you're not alone - someone, somewhere is just looking for you to go riding with them.

Hope that rambling helps someone, even if filling in some time hahaha (and yeah, I honestly do look up to you gals and I'm sometimes envious, but I'm also grateful I've got a lot of friends to go riding with, which is way different from not that long ago).
Michelle

 

[CJ Rider]

Hey Michelle- Just popped back in lately (been working way too much and trying to get some riding in too). Glad to hear that you're still riding, finding your groove, and encouraging others too! I tell ya what... Standing there at the beginning of one of your big "farm rides" and seeing 300 men and "maybe" a couple of women riding, I started to understand what you go through. We ARE mostly hard on ourselves so it takes a while to get some self-confidence espeicially when some of us are starting later in life. Can you imagine trying to gain confidence with those odds everywhere you go? My hat's off to ya for hanging in there and always finding encouraging words for others too!

 

[bbbom]

Excellent post Michelle! You nailed it, I used to get really frustrated because Karl makes everything look so easy. Karl has always been totally supportive but it is still frustrating to watch someone make it look so smooth & natural and I come along dab, stop, fall, splat, curse, splat - dddduuuuuhhhhh!

I've always had the kids to help make me feel better about my abilities. I could concentrate on what they are doing and could use them as an excuse for riding slowly. Not anymore, they are speed demons! But I am much more comfortable in my riding and my abilities than I used to be too so it doesn't bother me. We've gone on a couple rides this summer with some new guys and I could keep up with them fairly well. I definitely had less struggle than they did on some sections so that helped a lot too. Nothing like making it up a gnarly hill then walking back down to see a good rider stuck halfway up looking at you and saying "YOU made it?!!" "Uh, yep, want some help?" :aj:

I think I've finally gotten to the point where I feel confident enough in my skills that I can handle more speed. I actually hit WOT in 5th gear a few times in the Tag Team Scarescramble a couple weeks ago. (Oops, I forgot to post my ride report over here - will do that next!)

I have to call you on your post though, you are a fibber!!!! :nener: You easily tackled every section we could throw at you on your visit over here and on my old TLR200 no less!!! Hangover Hill, Oops I Crapped My Pants Hill, none of them even phased you! We are scoping out new ones for your next visit.

 

[E-Ticket]

Get this, Michelle.

I had a choice the other day to go ridin' "with the guys" or go riding w/ Susan (aka "The Ant", the little wifey-poo, etc.).

And I went riding w/ Susan. And I think I enjoyed the ride a lot more.

Something to bear in mind about groups of agressive riders/racers -- and this goes for both guys and gals and any sport. Typically there are 1-2 riders who are naturals or have *years* of experience. They naturally ride faster and do hard stuff quite easily.

They are accompanied by the rest of the riding group -which is typically a mix of quite good riders, some nomals, and maybe a newbie or a wally getting back into the sport.

The fast/naturals typically set the pace/course - which usually means "keep up or die." Or get lost at a minimum. (grin) And they're not even aware that they are doing it!

And the rest who are trying to keep up? *Most* of them are at max, just hanging on and desparately trying not to screw up or "be the one that everybody has to wait for...."

Any...they...will....never...confess....to...feeling...that...way.
They just continue to go along and hang on. Eventually they get better - which means the bar keep's getting raised. It's really quite a viscous circle.

Now this is by no means "everybody" or happens "every ride." But it is pretty prevalent.

Here should be the everyone's top 2 rules for dirtbiking:
1) We ride/trail-ride/race because it is fun and we enjoy it.
If it isn't fun anymore and find out why not and make some changes.
2) There will always be someone faster/better than you. There will others that are slower/or newer than you. It is *all* relative. You should always guage your success/fun against *your* standard ... not someone else or a group.

Remember, that fast AA rider is a lousy swimmer, can't ski, and never learned to play *any* musical instrument ... and you sure don't want to hear them sing! :laugh:

I have been riding more with my wife. We ride at a fun pace, we occassionally wick up and haul booty, and we stop whenever we want - be it for a view, snack, or just to yak about a cool section of trail.

Remember -- we're out there because it's fun! - RandyB

 

[Tinkrides]

Wow- I feel like you guys are speaking directly to me. I went for a weekend ride to the desert with a bunch of *pros*, and boy, did I feel like a LOSER. Everyone was very nice and encouraging and invited me on every ride, but I turned some down because I felt bad about holding everyone up. I didn't want to rain on everyone's parade - even though they said I wasn't. Thank goodness for the kids that were there - they were still better than me, but at least they thought I was kind of cool b/c I was a chick on a dirtbike and a grown up who wanted to hang with them. Part of my problem is endurance, too. The experienced dez riders ride for 50+ miles, hours and hours! Not only does my bike not carry enough gas for that, but my poor hands, arms, and legs can't do that yet. I don't know. The crew invited me to keep riding and camping, and I will, but I do have to get over my "I'm a pokey little puppy loser" phase. Thanks Michelle, for initiating this discussion. :)

 

[firecracker22]

I'll chime in here too. I do the EXACT same thing! I will get SO frustrated and angry that it gets hard to keep my temper in check, and sometimes I can't. Then we'll get back from the ride and the guys will be like "Dang, that was a tough trail! I was sweatin' for a while!" And I think "Really?" and feel better for a while. Until next time. I'm getting better but it's still so hard not to be upset when I crash, wobble, stop, stall and generally screw up.

Having a riding buddy who is close helps SO much--rather than being frustrated, you can encourage each other and say "Dang we're cool! WE MADE IT!" instead of my normal thought process, which is "I look like a fool. I can't ride. I should sell this thing and take up knitting. Everybody must hate me."

Also, the few "girl" rides I've gone on also help. It's fun--AND there are no men to help lift. The best thing for me is to go on rides where I am the most experienced rider because not only do I have to depend on myself to get through a tough section, then I have to go and help the rest get through too!

 

[E-Ticket]

Important thing to remember...

With the rare exception of some genetic freaks from another planet (named Bubba Stewart and Ricky Carmichael) .... EVERYONE was a novice at one time.

This means they were just as klutzy/crashy/uncertain in their early days as we were. Part of the problem is that a lot of them have "conveniently" forgot how bad they were back then.

Me? Those memories are still crystal-clear. :yikes: (grin)

One of these reasons I am so patient w/ Susan in dirtbiking -- is hoping that she will be patient "with ME" when we go skiing! (As in...I am ..."functional"... she used to ski race in Europe.)
So when we go skiing, it's my turn to be the wally -- while she get's to go. "...you're doing great honey... but you still need to set those edges better...."

Which I think makes her day. ;)

Those same buddies who are much faster than me when we're dirt-biking?
I would KILL them in a fencing match or behind the wheel of a Pro-Rally car. :p

Also, don't forget to periodically look back and see how much you have improved over time. You *will* be amazed.
Another way-fun thing to do, is periodically go ride a "really" easy trail from your past. You will feel so good!
It also will help point out - that you *are* improving!

Now quit stressing out and just go have fun!
And just tell those stoopid boys to go pound sand in their a........ :yeehaw:

Cheers! - RandyB

 

[Michelle]

Tink, if this helps you, wahoo!!! You may not have to go through what the rest of us have been/are going through or at least realise you're not alone.

I'm known for not going riding with the guys because I don't want to hold them up. I may go on the odd ride with some of them, but if I'm not enjoying it, I'll pull out. I went riding with some guys a couple of months back and ended up heading back alone, in tears and feeling like crap. I wouldn't speak for the rest of the day (until I'd had a beer, then I started feeling better lol). I was just really depressed with my riding. The one thing I've seriously found totally dejecting is trying to ride well. If I'm totally concentrating on doing okay, I'm going to fall, I'm going to get stuck, I'm going to have a totally miserable time. If I just concentrate on what I'm doing & ignore everyone, I'm fine. The day I ended in tears I was riding with a couple of guys who've done the ISDE (and medalled) and I can't remember who else. One of them stopped to make sure I was okay, which meant I lost concentration on what I was doing & promptly got stuck. He also commented my bike was too big for me. I think I stopped riding the KDX after that. I knew I needed to ride the TTR again to put the fun factor back in. Yes, I have the luxury of more than one bike, but whatever puts the fun factor in for you - use it. If you've got something you struggled with previously but can now easily conquer, do it until it builds up your confidence again. Keep it fun.

I've felt like I've got a 2nd job with my riding/cutting trails & while we have a lot of fun, it's sometimes really depressing. We're learning to walk away from it sometimes & just go do something else (inevitably it ends up to do with bikes).

As for racing, Henk overheard someone say that he'd rather be the slowest rider out there than the best spectator. I keep trying to keep that in mind (scarey, he was a quad rider hehehe) as it does make sense.

Randy, don't even mention skiing. Never again (actually I didn't enjoy my weekend & 10 years on still get grief about it). I'm the most unco person I've ever had the misfortune of meeting which no one understands just because I ride. I think it might help with the unco part of it, but I definitely have lapses (often).

Bbbom, if you'd put me on a bigger bike, you'd have seen how bad I really am. Also riding in Oregon beforehand definitely helped - I know the TTR's too small (and I keep being told off for treating it like I do as I'm not doing the sort of riding it's designed for), but it honestly is a lot of fun and when another friend & I get to go for races on the bikes, well, it's a case of hang on & hope for the best - there's going to be no excuse as the bikes are both stock.

I do think that a lot of us females are very alike in our punishment of ourselves and also know that being given compliments they're not often believed. I think we have to feel good about ourselves and trying to find something that helps that along is important. Reading ride reports we put our own interpretation on stuff and when someone goes on about a big hill, we put our perspective on that - it's not necessarily a mountain accessible only by goats, the mud might not really be quicksand sucking us in (nah, it is, that stuff just looks like it's almost friendly).

We all try to encourage each other, but it's not always taken sincerely (I doubt anyone is totally insincere). We also don't always post, but I know when I read a post boasting how someone has done something (loading the bike springs to mind recently, along with some cool ride reports), I get a huge grin on my face and then don't know what to say.
Blimey, I better go, that's 2 nights in a row I've spent more than 10 minutes online.
enjoy the upcoming weekend & have a good ride/party ;)

 

[bbbom]

the mud might not really be quicksand sucking us in (nah, it is, that stuff just looks like it's almost friendly).

Mud, you mean mud like this (that is Pat and his 80 last Saturday, pics thanks to lil_green_monster):

 

[RockyRoads]

As always, Michelle, I appreciate your honest thoughts. I always find that the times I'm riding and not having "fun" are when I'm putting WAY too much pressure on myself (ahhh, that nasty internal voice can be SO critical). The more frustrated I get, the worse I ride, and so goes the vicious circle. Sometimes I have to just kick myself to remember, "Ride your own ride".

I recently spent three days riding in Baja (over 400 miles) with nine men. I must confess (oh-so-shamefully) that I offered a small prayer up at the beginning of the ride: "Oh, please don't let me be the slowest one!" And I must admit that I was (again, oh-so-shamefully) relieved to find that I actually could comfortably maneuver through most of the trails ahead of two of the guys. I had such a great time, but I did struggle mentally at times with feeling disappointed that I couldn't hang right up there with the faster riders. All of the other guys on the trip were wonderful people. At one point, I was debating whether I wanted to go with the "A" group (more difficult route) or the "B" group (easier route); I said that I really wanted to do the more challenging trails but that I didn't want to hold anyone up. One of the "fast" guys immediately said, "You're NOT holding us up." He was so kind, and I felt that he and the others were being sincere in their support of my riding. One of the biggest highlights of the trip, however, was when I did a really steep hillclimb (steeper than I've ever done, and long), despite the sweep rider insisting that he wanted to ride my bike up for me (and also rolling his eyes whenever I kept insisting that I thought I could do it myself). The cheers at the top when I made it up on the first try seemed truly genuine, and I was on a "riding high" the rest of the day. The last day, the riders were divided into "A" and "B" groups without a choice, and I was delegated to the "B" group. At first, I was really devastated and felt like such a failure (oh, those irrational feelings). But as it turned out, the trail guide for our group established a fast, challenging pace, and we all moved along like one being--a conga line of riders that was pure magic. I had a big smile plastered on my face the WHOLE day. The fluid rhythm of that last ride was incredible--and I think that the fun factor was definitely increased because I didn't have that voice in my head saying, "You're not going fast enough" or "That was a stupid move".

Regarding insincere compliments . . . I have felt at times that certain comments about how "well" I've done are somewhat condescending in nature . . . as if expectations are lowered because I'm a girl. At times I wonder, "Would they be giving the same compliment if I were a guy?" In other words, did the compliment "Wow, you did great!" really have the missing words "for a girl!" at the end? But, hey, I'll take all the compliments I can get at this point, sincere or not--they're better than someone being critical and pointing out all of the "wrong" things that I'm doing (I do that enough to myself!). And most compliments seem to be given with very good intentions.

In any event, thanks for your “ramblings” Michelle—I’ve connected with quite a bit of what you (and the others who’ve responded above) have said.

 

[Michelle]

Bbbom, that looks more like a puddle & drowned bike than mud ;) What was he thinking going into that? Is that Karl standing there laughing in the background of the 2nd pic or is that you?

Rocky, I was thinking about your post while doing some road riding today (boring stretch of road stuck behind a couple of cars going slower than even I go) and came to this conclusion: if you were a guy, no they wouldn't have said anything - it's expected. A guy doesn't need compliments about his riding ability & if anything is said, it'll go to their head or something, I dunno, I don't understand males. Guys will come up to me & tell me how good Henk was riding, but they won't tell him that. It's just not a guy thing.

The newer rider in our group gets really pissed off if her partner doesn't tell her how well she did even if she knows she did good. I won't remember anything apart from where I had trouble. I've had many discussions with Henk about "how did you fare with ....." & I'm going "hmm, I must have missed that part of the trail, I don't know what you're talking about" & then notice it the next time I go past it. I'll tell him about something & he won't know what I'm talking about because he had no problem there.

As for being selected for the B group, the ego will take it, especially after having a good ride. Imagine how you'd have felt if you'd been with the A group & struggling & holding everyone up. You'd have done your ego more harm than good. I know I'd have been sitting down bawling my eyes out after five minutes or trying to find something so I can set the bike alight ;) Yeah, it'd be nice to really be an A/expert rider (and listening to what they did does make me envious) but you're definitely better off riding at a comfortable level. As for silent prayers - mine are please don't let me make a total dick of myself in front of everyone (i.e. pulling over for a faster rider only to block the trail, fall off or something else dumb), please don't let anyone hit me as they go past & please don't let anyone come up behind me when I've just stuffed up that hill again & got myself stuck. I know I'm going to be the slowest person out there (unless the kids are with me, but I'll only be able to keep ahead of them for a bit longer). Oh, I'm also always thinking "I hope I find someone I can ride with" and have even done that when I've organised someone else to go riding with - with J I hope that we'll have a fun ride & she won't get too pissed off with me.

Oh, a while ago we went on a ride down south & for some reason went off into an expert section thinking "we can do this". I got stuck in a rut soon after (but that meant I could head J away from it, so that was good, only one bike to sort out). We got down the bottom of the hill (it was an uphill, then tight downhill) and came across bikes stuck, so waited to have our turn (to get stuck). Marshalls took one look at us & sent us on our way - quick way to leave the trail at that point & avoid the bog hole. I looked at the marshalls and happily went away - a bit pissed that I didn't even see why the bikes were digging trenches, but grateful I wasn't one of them ;) hahaha - yeah the ego took a bit of hammering, but I still think we had the better option lol

 

[YZ165]

As long as you're out there trying, you're doing great in my book. Most people won't even try.

Pick a hundred names out of the phone book, you'd smoke 'em all!

Think positive and keep riding, you can only get better. YZ165

 

[E-Ticket]

As long as you're out there trying, you're doing great in my book. Most people won't even try.

Pick a hundred names out of the phone book, you'd smoke 'em all!

Think positive and keep riding, you can only get better. YZ165

Amen....!!!! :worship:

That is *totally* what it's about -- being out there and playing and having fun.

Life is too short as it is...! -- RandyB

 

[wayneg]

Michelle - I can see that I'm going to have to come up there again and give you someone to laugh at!! :joke:

My efforts at co-ordination are pretty much legendary in my club after endoing going UPHILL last weekend. :yikes: (which I thought was impossible, but I managed to do anyway).

It sounds as if you've made a bit of a breakthrough with your attitude to your riding - similar reasons to why I ride trials. I'm a slow rider - always have been always will be. But I enjoy riding, so I'm not going to let my lack of speed stop me. You just need to go out there and enjoy the scenery and have some fun thats all, and if you can pick up a bit of speed ocassionally (relative to your own definition of what is fast or not) and get a bit of a buzz then even better. Speed is relative - what scares the cr*p out of some people seems slow to others. Skill is relative too - riding trials you see some people with so much control and ability that its depressing, and they make the hardest stuff look so easy thats depressing too (bugger I'm depressed now!). But then I know that I am better with bike control in some situations than some other riders (I won't say any names as then they would be depressed too!). Its my own accomplishment meter and my own skill level that I'm trying to improve, and if I can enjoy myself then its all good.

As you say its really the icing on the cake to get someone to ride with thats about the same speed. I'm lucky as my little brother is now riding trials, and we're genetically related, so both at about the same skill level (even though the little sh*te only started riding last year, he's caught up with me already!).

I hope to come up again before Xmas, so will give you a call if it all fits together and I can bring my shiny new scooter, and see what you are up to. I seem to be coming up to Auckland every week at the moment, but with little ability to plan very much, or to get much time to myself.

I'm really enjoying riding the new one as its a little bit faster and lighter with much better suspension and brakes. I even managed to do a small wheelie the other day which was kind of nice...... surprising too as I hadn't really planned on doing a wheelie just then, but thats what a larger engine displacement gets you, and of course some more minor bruising......