- Nov 24, 2000
- 4,787
- 102
obituary: warning:semi-political, may get deleted
In light of the 9th Circuit Court decision...
Obituary-Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the
name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States
from heart failure on the brink of the new millennium. No one
really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long
ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals
homes, factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and
foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous
lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with
cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out
of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life
isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't
spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the
adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in
second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression,
and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural
and educational trends including body piercing, whole language,
and "new math." But his health declined when he became infected
with the "If-it-helps-only-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.
In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the
ravages of well- intentioned but overbearing regulations. He
watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking
lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly
implemented zero-tolerance policies.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of
mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an
unruly student only worsened his condition.
It declined even further when schools had to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform
the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an
abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten
Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses,
criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal
judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to
professional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a
huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but
was kept informed of developments regarding questionable
regulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking
chairs,and stepladders.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and
Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and
his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights,
and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was
gone.
In light of the 9th Circuit Court decision...
Obituary-Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the
name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States
from heart failure on the brink of the new millennium. No one
really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long
ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals
homes, factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and
foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous
lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with
cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out
of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life
isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't
spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the
adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in
second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression,
and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural
and educational trends including body piercing, whole language,
and "new math." But his health declined when he became infected
with the "If-it-helps-only-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus.
In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the
ravages of well- intentioned but overbearing regulations. He
watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking
lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly
implemented zero-tolerance policies.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment
for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of
mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an
unruly student only worsened his condition.
It declined even further when schools had to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform
the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an
abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten
Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses,
criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal
judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to
professional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to
realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a
huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but
was kept informed of developments regarding questionable
regulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking
chairs,and stepladders.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and
Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and
his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights,
and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was
gone.
