Time to get healthy, need wisdom

zio

Mr. Atlas
Jul 28, 2000
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I'm concerned about my colon. Anyone here ever get a colonic? I'm afraid to get one, so I just ordered some colon blow. You get a free t-shirt with each order. :yeehaw: Anyone ever try it?
 

Kawidude

D'oh!
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May 23, 2000
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I've never tried it, but I remember the Saturday Night Live commercial. It appeared to work well from what I remember. If it causes any problems :flame: , you can always buy some Oops I Crapped My Pants diapers. :moon:

I must be a slacker...I've never thought about or been concerned about my colon. ;)
 

zio

Mr. Atlas
Jul 28, 2000
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I've heard stories of the real thing, and I'm very curious. I guess I'll have to just post a thorough report. I "go" about once a day, and have never suffered from constipation. But I'm eager to find out how powerful a poop I can produce.

If I have a pound of sludge stuck up there, this will be like spending a couple hundred bucks on a titanuim bolt kit.
 

bclapham

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Nov 5, 2001
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Hey Zio, one of my wifes friends had it done. she lost 5lbs instantly and just by following a good diet for the next few weeks another 10 lbs (no Joke).

apparently, John Wayne had about 50lbs worth of what only can be decribed as "clogged drains" when he died, nothing like a diet of red meat and Borbon (SP?)

so how long will this thread last? Is Zio for once being serious?
 

zio

Mr. Atlas
Jul 28, 2000
2,291
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Originally posted by bclapham
Is Zio for once being serious?

Gosh, is that how I come across? ;)

I wouldn't have posted such a topic if I weren't at least a little serious. Otherwise, it looks like a blatant attempt to anger the mods. That said, I see no harm in using fun terminology.
 

KiwiBird

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Jan 30, 2000
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Oh zio, and such an appropriate sig line......... :thumb:
 

Kawidude

D'oh!
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May 23, 2000
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Originally posted by zio That said, I see no harm in using fun terminology.

I agree 100%. Your colon question, "on the whole" is valid. Don't let these guys make you feel like it's not all it's "cracked" up to be. And don't let their goofy responses leave you feeling "deterred."
 

zio

Mr. Atlas
Jul 28, 2000
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I went to the butt doctor the other day (hence my newfound interest in my dumper). I wanted so bad to draw a picture on one of my cheeks. I chickened out. But now I wish I had, he was a pretty funny guy. I have a follow up visit in a few weeks, so I'll think of something creative.
 

Kawidude

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May 23, 2000
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I had a physical last week and as I sat in the room waiting for the doctor, I noticed the tube of KY Jelly and the latex gloves sitting on the counter. I kept thinking, "Nah, I'm only thirty, those can't be for me."

Nothing makes you feel worse than hearing the doc say, "Okay, now spin around and put your elbows down on the table." Well, I guess ONE thing makes you feel worse than just hearing it.
 

Patman

Pantless Wonder
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Dec 26, 1999
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Zio I've tried it. I think different people have different results based on their eating habits and "schedule". I'm a regular kinda' guy but figured I'd give it a shot. It's cleans ya' out for sure! No aleins or pounds of tar found their way to my throne and I really didn't lose lots of weight during or after (wish I would have). This may have been because a couple years prior as part of my physical the doc sent me to get scoped out in a big way so I had the Fleet Kit experience in preperation, I'm not anxious for that again. Didn't have any strange things then either though. I might try to blow again though just for the T shirt of course :laugh:
 

nephron

Dr. Feel Good
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Jun 15, 2001
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Zio--you're a sick friggin' man, dude.

'COLON' Powell needs to worry about his colon.
'COLON' Montgomery needs to worry about his colon.

Zio does not.

Colonics are a joke. The body is perfect. Remember that. "The body is perfect". I have no problem with people looking into homeopathy, because by and large it isn't harmful (with several major exceptions)--but this colonic crap has to go. ;) You wanna clean your colon out? Go drink 4 gallons of Go-Lytlely prep for a colonoscopy. That'll do the trick. The farse is that these guys will tell you that you've got a lot of 'stuff' up there that needs cleaned out. For what? To make room for the next stuff? BM's are stimulated by the presence of fecal material in the colon--that's how it works ; hence, there's always 'material' up there. Always. But it's not the same stuff that's been sitting there for years, lo freakin' l, that these guys will convince you of. The body doesn't need any help controlling waste removal. There are sympathetics and parasympathetics that control waste removal there, and the only thing you need to do, unless you have a disease (eg Ogilvie's, diabetic autonomic neuropathy, CIDP, etc) is take in plenty of fiber daily.

There are very strict and well-formed guidelines in screening for colon cancer. If you're younger than 50 and are asymptomatic and low risk, nothing. If you're over 50, it's typically yearly fecal occult blood testing x 3 and Flex-Sig every 3-5 years. If you've got risk factors, like a family history of EARLY onset colon ca, a definite gene anomaly (BrCa, etc) or family history of hereditary polyposis coli (extensive premalignant adenomatous polyps), then you need yearly, or sometimes, every six months colonoscopy. Colonoscopy is done at least once on anyone with a positive fecal occult test over 50, and yearly to q 3 yrs in people with adenomatous polyps found on either flex sig, BE or first colonoscopy.

Does colon CA happen in 30 y/o's? You bet, but rarely. A close friend of mine died at 29 with widely metastatic adenoCA of the colon, but it's rare as hen's teeth--and the way to figure this stuff out is to always get seen when you have a significant change in bowel habits (in comparison to baseline) or you have bright red blood per rectum (BRBPR)--ie, hematochezia, ie overt blood in your stool.

For all you guys with no risk factors, over 50 out there, please push your doctor for at least yearly hemoccult cards. It's not done enough.
 

nephron

Dr. Feel Good
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Jun 15, 2001
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You want him to talk?

I think Porky the Pig on the left cheek and Donald Duck on the right, act 'feminine', then pull off a howl of excitement during the exam.

Now I'm sick. Yes I am. However, I've had way too much experience in this field. ;)
 

sfc crash

Human Blowtorch
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Jun 26, 2001
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man, you guys let men doctors cram thier fingers in your butts at pre 40?! geeze, my female doctor tried that last visit,"nope" says I.."i'm not over 40" "you'll be 40 in 3 days" says she. "fine" says I "come on over then with some beers and a bottle of whiskey and we'll work our way up too it" frown..."ughh" says she. zio, that "congetsed" colon crap is crap! "you'll have 40 pounds of red meat stuck in there" what? what the hell? so i guess the new crap meets old crap and says"stand ass-ide, i'm coming thru"?. damn dude, quit smoking that dope and start drinking more stag or pabst blue ribbon, that clears out everything! princees Di and Zio the colostomy buddies.
 

Kawidude

D'oh!
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May 23, 2000
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Originally posted by sfc crash
man, you guys let men doctors cram thier fingers in your butts at pre 40?!

You should see my doctor. He could easily be a linebacker in the NFL. And you know what that means...great big hands! :eek: When he told me to turn around I tried to dodge it by saying, "Hey, I'm only thirty. I thought I didn't need this for another 10 years?" He said the prostate exam was typically later in life, but that he was checking for hemmoroids. I thought it was odd because I'm pretty sure I would have already known if I had hemmoroids. Oh well, at least I passed the test...hemmoroid free! You all know way too much about me now. ;)
 

Smit-Dog

Mi. Trail Riders
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Oct 28, 2001
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Kawidude - If you didn't have any symptoms, I think your doc just liked his job (and you :eek:) a little too much.

Your first clue should have been when he put the rubber glove on the non-examining hand!
 

zio

Mr. Atlas
Jul 28, 2000
2,291
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Nephron, you burst my bubble. I was anxiously awaiting a knock at my door from a team of archaeologists and news reporters demanding a look at the mysterious findings in my bowl. Really. :(

I really figured it went something like SFC's scenario - Bully Poop. I know our body is perfect, but I also figured all the deep-fried cheese sticks and Slim Jims I ate weren't things mother nature planned for. Are you absolutely sure there isn't maybe an old Cracker Jack prize hidden up there still?

On a serious note, what I'm concerned with is cleansing my system of toxins, etc, and creating a healthier digestive tract so that all the new, healthy nutrients I've been eating get absorbed & used as efficiently as possible.
 

nephron

Dr. Feel Good
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Jun 15, 2001
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Anything eaten is either converted into compound and absorbed, or eliminated from the colon. By the time everything has traveled to the colon, it's been 'cleansed' by absorption and either handled by the liver, or filtered by the kidney. What you've got left is bile acid/salts, heme pigments, cellulose and cellular debris not otherwise absorbed. It's much more complicated than that, and some drugs, eg, are hepatically eliminated (end up in bile, which ends up in the colon)--but again, readily eliminated by normal bowel movements, and certainly cannot be absorbed again....in the COLON.

So....to the question you asked specifically addressing a query of your ability to absorb the vitamins and nutrients in your newly healthy diet. The one thing to always remember about the colon, is that it plays NO part in absorption of anything other than water (to solidify the stool) and a little vitamin K (which is literally produced by bacteria in your colon). The endothelium of the colon is just not set up to absorb anything else--no functional transport processes were given to it, and nothing else (toxic) is absorbed due to a 'brick-wall-like' basement membrane and subepithelial tissue. So 'cleansing' the colon 1) won't do anything except leave it empty and 2) should be reserved for colonoscopy preps.

BTW, crackerjack surprises are a great source of dietary fiber, and will only serve to improve elimination. :laugh:
 

bclapham

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Nov 5, 2001
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Originally posted by zio
Nephron, you burst my bubble.

Zio, i think you should ask for a second opinion.:) Afterall, think how much fun this could be. You could be like that fat bird from Wilson-Phillips pop group that got her stomach stapled live on the internet- you could go down in internet history, all you need is a web cam, a hose pipe and a big bottle brush! :thumb:

trust me, I AM A DOCTOR TOO! :p (well, not a proper one, but ive not let that stop me from using it to impress people!)
 

zio

Mr. Atlas
Jul 28, 2000
2,291
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Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna go through with it. I can't in good cinscious wear the shirt if I don't use the product!
 

Smit-Dog

Mi. Trail Riders
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Oct 28, 2001
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Well then, would you wear a shirt that said "I Shoved 3 Ping Pong Balls Up My Arse And All I Got Was This T-Shirt"?
 
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Kawidude

D'oh!
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May 23, 2000
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Originally posted by Smit-Dog
Kawidude - If you didn't have any symptoms, I think your doc just liked his job (and you :eek:) a little too much.

Your first clue should have been when he put the rubber glove on the non-examining hand!

The weird thing was, he had both hands on my shoulders during the exam. :eek: I feel so.....dirty.
 
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