Top Ten (OK, 12) Things Elk Has Heard On Patrol

biglou · May 21, 2002

1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
3.Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?
4 . Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That’s how far ahead of me they are !
12. When the Officer says “Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” You probably shouldn’t respond with,”Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

XRpredator · May 21, 2002

hmmmmm . . . That looks familiar . . . ;)

whyzee · May 21, 2002

I know this road is really dangerous, That's why I was speeding to get OFF of it!

VintageDirt · May 21, 2002

Or how about, "Oh no, not another breathalyzer." :aj:

326mx · May 21, 2002

Or when he askes "Do ya know why I pulled you ever, sir?"
it is a good i dea not to say "Weelllllll, I don't have any donunts so..."

oldguy · May 21, 2002

Dam officer I know I was speeding but my wife left me to live with her new boyfriend who works on your department. When I saw your lights behind me and you kept following I was afraid you were returning her

a454elk · May 22, 2002

"My DOG has to go to the bathroom."
"Just blowing out the carbon sir."
"And how many beers have you had tonight?" (Expecting the common answer of "Two") "Hell, I've had a bunch, can't even remember how many!"
"I've got AIDS" Next scene, Elk jumping back on bike and making like a fetus and heading out.
"My wife's having a baby!" Elk checks of course and sees a head! "You're right! CYA!"

XRpredator · May 22, 2002

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am." :confused:

smb_racing · May 22, 2002

them telephone poles were lookin' like a picket fence ;)
so it might have little relevance, but funny no?

The Josh · May 22, 2002

(big smoking burnout) officer I was just trying to spin the dog doo off, you know how it is?

Milquetoast · May 22, 2002

13. Hey, can you give me one of those full cavity searches?

14. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

15. So, uh, you on the take or what?

Senior KX Rider · May 22, 2002

Uhhhhh....Would you like a donut. :) :) Sorry elk, couldn't stop myself :)

Rooster · May 22, 2002

a454elk · May 22, 2002

I never, NEVER take a donut bribe, been close but haven't faultered yet!

Here's some funny stuff we've done "on the job":

My partner fell asleep on graveyards while I was driving and I saw a disable car pulled off the road ahead. I pulled in behind it, stopped, then nudged my partner and told himi just paced the guy at 90 mph and it was his out for the ticket. My partner jumper at the chance to write the guy so he approached the car and told the driver we stopped him for going 90mph. I could hear the guy yelling back at him, "What the hell are talking about, my car is broken down!" My partner looked back at me and gave me the stink eye and then apologized to the motorist for the mistake!

Here's another:

We pulled up behind a car stopped on the side of the road to find the driver asleep at the wheel. I pulled my unit around the front of the guys car and faced them nose to nose and turned on my headlights. Then I held the horn down and watched as the driver opened his eyes like the size of saucers. He jerked the wheel back and forth to avoid the head on collision! Probably gave him a heart attack!

Last one:

Same type of incident where the guy is stopped on the side of the road sleeping, probably from a little too much adult beverages. We parked behind him and turn out the lights. I walk up on the driver's side and bang on the side window, yelling for him to stop his car. All this while I'm running in place acting like he's rolling down the street. The driver then jams the brakes trying to stop his rolling car!:)

Some things to do to pass the time on graveyards back in the days where you could get away with playing pranks like that!;)

Rooster · May 22, 2002

Sheesh, elk, I'm gald you're clear out there on the left coast! :eek: Those are some funny pranks! :)

CanadianRidr · May 22, 2002

Elk that is the funniest thing I read all day........Those can't be real oh man........I would soil my seat if I saw a cop car head on :scream:

a454elk · May 22, 2002

True stuff, works wonders too! What else?..... Oh yeah, when riding the motor it was always fun to try and catch your beat partner off guard when he wasn't watching traffic near him. We'd crank up the speed on the Kawasaki or Harley, at the time, and get goinf pretty fast. Just as we neared our partner, I'd turn off the engine while still rolling in gear. This causing a build up of fuel in the cylinder but not igniting it. Just at the right time, usually within 10 feet of our poor buddy, you pop the iginition on and "BANG" like a cannon! You want to see a guy jump!!:):) It's all in fun but actually it really helps you watch EVERYTHING around you, at all times. I'd rather learn the lesson that way then being hit by a car.

I'm sure I have more but I don't want to bore you guys with everything!

XRpredator · May 22, 2002

Elk, that last one reminds me of a guy I knew (notorious drunk) that relayed this story to me:

He was driving home (from the bar, of course!) in a blinding snowstorm, creeping along at a low speed (he didn't want to hurt anybody). Well, he thought it had been taking him a long time to get home, and the windows kept fogging up. Then, all of sudden, he hears a loud knocking on the driver's window! He looks down and the speedometer says he's doing 15 mph, but there's that knock again! He lets off the gas, rolls down the window, and sees the deputy standing next to his car. He'd been standing there for quite some time.

Y'see, it was slick out, and my bud was nosed into a snowbank, but his tires were still spinning away on the ice!

He got a DUI, of course!

a454elk · May 22, 2002

2001yz250 · May 22, 2002

It'd be worth the price of a ticket just to see a cop running in place beside my car!

Senior KX Rider · May 22, 2002

You guys better watch it. Drinking is nothing to laugh about :p :p :D

whyzee · May 22, 2002

Originally posted by a454elk
My partner fell asleep on graveyards while I was driving and I saw a disable car pulled off the road ahead. I pulled in behind it, stopped, then nudged my partner and told himi just paced the guy at 90 mph and it was his out for the ticket. My partner jumper at the chance to write the guy so he approached the car and told the driver we stopped him for going 90mph. I could hear the guy yelling back at him, "What the hell are talking about, my car is broken down!" My partner looked back at me and gave me the stink eye and then apologized to the motorist for the mistake!

:p :p
OMG!, that is funny, I admire a GOOD prank! :silly:

a454elk · May 22, 2002

I agree SKR, at least these knobs had the smarts to pull over and stop instead of driving anyway. I figure that they good for a laugh at least, and maybe a ride home. :D

dirty~d~ · May 23, 2002

Elk~

I hope when I finally get on with OHP I have cool guys like you to work with. Those stories are awesome dude. :)

oldguy · May 23, 2002

About 15 years ago while I was on the graveyard shift it wasn't unusual for guys to run stationary patrol for an hour or so. Most dispatchers knew that on slow nights they needed to do a wakeup call around 3AM so we could get to the donut shop. One night in mid January:

The dispatchers started the status check and when they got to car 9308 they had to call 3 times before they got a very confused answer "Are the plows coming out soon the interstate is starting to drift over pretty bad- visibilty is down to a couple hundred feet from blowing snow!"
Being the contientious deputy I am I stopped and got out of my car to check this bad weather- 1/2 mile down from the blizzard it was a beautiful winter night sky filled with stars. Everyone else had the same reaction. Seems the guy had pulled over about an hour earlier and in the meantime the skihill adjacent to the highway had fired up the snowmaking equipment which was blowing over the highway. Once he was semi coherant you could hear the aw **** in his voice as the shift supervisor told him to head in to his office.
When he got in his car was covered with snow at least

Top Ten (OK, 12) Things Elk Has Heard On Patrol

biglou

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Mexicutioner

AssClown SuperPowers

Master of None

Uhhh...

Super Power AssClown

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Mexicutioner

Today's Tom Sawyer

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Mexicutioner

AssClown SuperPowers

Mexicutioner

Super Power AssClown

Never enough time !

Mexicutioner

Resident nudist

Always Broken

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