Tony Eeds

Godspeed Tony.
N. Texas SP
Jun 9, 2002
9,535
0
Do you know how tough it is being a man...?

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard there is never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.

If you don't, you're an insensitive *******.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly lingerie, you're a pervert.

If you don't, you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.

If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.

If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.

If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.

If you don't, you're not ambitious enough.

If she has a headache, she's tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.

If you don't, there must be someone else.

NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN
 

Jon K.

~SPONSOR~
Mar 26, 2001
1,354
4
It's good to be a man.

Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

Wedding Dress, $2,000. Tux rental, $100.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "icky".

If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

One mood, all the damn time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24, in minutes.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

One wallet, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

The world is your urinal
 

Casper250

Motosapien
Dec 12, 2000
579
1
NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN

LOL


What is this all about?
My driveway is 61.8 feet long ... and gravel
 

Michelle

Sponsoring Member
Oct 26, 1999
1,245
0
Ooh damn, my mother thought she was having a boy when she was pregnant with me - I've got some definite male traits.
I have riding boots, doc martens, tramping boots & sneakers.
I've just bought a handbag as the other one died a couple of years back.
My wedding dress cost $170NZ & I begrudged paying that much for a dress.
My husband goes mad at me for being on internet when he wants to phone a friend & I hate having to wait 3 hours for him to get off the bloody thing, then when I ask what the gossip was, it's "nothing, so & so didn't have anything to say" - well, 3 hours to say nothing?
I keep being told I should iron my clothes - why?
I get my hair cut every so often - sometimes even as frequent as a year.
My mother organised our wedding as I wanted nothing to do with it (after telling her the ground rules, of course).
I use a paperclip to clean my nails (what I have of them).
I hate crying in public, it's embarrassing.

The one thing I really envy you guys with, is you just have to find the nearest tree - I have to find a bush to squat behind - plus basically strip, whereas you guys just flop it out & off ya go, all the while having a conversation with whoever is in hearing distance.

I do admit to having to think what way to turn a bolt, but that's especially true for the oil drain plug.
 

Tony Eeds

Godspeed Tony.
N. Texas SP
Jun 9, 2002
9,535
0
:worship: Michelle
my kind of gal :thumb:
 

Green Horn

aka Chip Carbone
N. Texas SP
Jun 20, 1999
2,563
0
Originally posted by Tony Eeds
:worship: Michelle
my kind of gal :thumb:

Hell yeah...and I bet most of us would overlook the "not know which way to turn a bolt" thing. :cool:
 

Tony Eeds

Godspeed Tony.
N. Texas SP
Jun 9, 2002
9,535
0
Originally posted by Casper250
What is this all about?
My driveway is 61.8 feet long ... and gravel

Ahhh my friend, one MUST come to DirtWeek to understand some of the intricate sub-level communication present on the site. :thumb:

It is a play on a Sargism :laugh:
 

Jon K.

~SPONSOR~
Mar 26, 2001
1,354
4
Well, as I have already blatently hi-jacked Tonys thread, and in the spirit of equal access; this is another one I dug up. Please excuse the "first person" presentation.

ITS GOOD TO BE A WOMAN

We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

Taxis stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.

We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway.
 

bbbom

~SPONSOR~
Aug 13, 1999
2,094
0
Originally posted by Michelle
Ooh damn, my mother thought she was having a boy when she was pregnant with me

Don't know if that works Michelle, I just knew I was having a girl when Pat was born and I can't think of any female traits in him. Well, sometimes he does have to stop & think about which way to turn a bolt though but hey, he's only 11!

I have no idea what my mom thought she was going to have when I was born but I do know that when I was 18 and she went to get a copy of my official birth cert for my passport (I was heading to Europe to play volleyball), the cert had an M instead of an F for sex! :scream:

She had it changed cause she swore that I was a girl and I had always been a girl. I still have the affidavit attached to my cert for when it was changed. I figure it explains a LOT of my personality!

Like the old saying goes "Women will NEVER really be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer belly and KNOW that they are truly beautiful"

Damn, I feel so pretty! :)
 

BadgerMan

Mi. Trail Riders
Jan 1, 2001
2,479
10
Originally posted by Jon K.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

And that's a good thing..............? :confused:
 

Michelle

Sponsoring Member
Oct 26, 1999
1,245
0
Lol Bbbom, so you've decided what to do with your hair then ;) beer belly? I don't think so :) Male traits - well, you do ride a pink bike to affirm your femininity hehehe :)

Badgerman - it depends on the guy - a lot I'm glad I don't picture them naked.

Jon K, so you know what we're thinking when we're looking at a guy's shoes then (now you know why we don't picture them naked hehehehe), only I can never remember which way round it goes, big feet, small .... or big feet, big ....???
 

JPIVEY

Sponsoring Member<br>Club Moderator
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Mar 9, 2001
3,180
0
Michelle, It's big feet, big.......snd it's a terrible cross to bare..........try finding size 14 SIDI's
 

BadgerMan

Mi. Trail Riders
Jan 1, 2001
2,479
10
Originally posted by Michelle
Lol Bbbom, so you've decided what to do with your hair then ;) beer belly? I don't think so :) Male traits - well, you do ride a pink bike to affirm your femininity hehehe :)

Badgerman - it depends on the guy - a lot I'm glad I don't picture them naked.

Jon K, so you know what we're thinking when we're looking at a guy's shoes then (now you know why we don't picture them naked hehehehe), only I can never remember which way round it goes, big feet, small .... or big feet, big ....???

Isn’t that one of the helpful hints for public speaking……………? I think you are supposed to imagine your audience is nekked! Yeah, I have met plenty of women who should stay fully clothed, even in the deep dark recesses of my brain. I also meet many who are “nekked at first sight”! :laugh:

The rule goes “big hands, big feet…………………..big gloves, big shoes”!
 

Jon K.

~SPONSOR~
Mar 26, 2001
1,354
4
Well, that is as far as I can go.

I was going to try to post about "It's Bad to be a Woman", or "It Sucks to be a Woman", or something like that.

As Google omits "to be a" in the searches, you can imagine the results that came up on the searches.

Particularly the last one. :eek:

Either that, or there is no down side to being a woman. :laugh:

Let's hear it ladies!
 

BadgerMan

Mi. Trail Riders
Jan 1, 2001
2,479
10
I checked www.lotsofjokes.com but could not find such an item. Found this though:

:laugh:

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

Dogs don't cry (unless they have to pee).

Dogs love it when your friends come over.

Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.

Dogs think you sing great.

A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.

The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you

Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

Dogs are excited by rough play.

Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.

Dogs understand that farts are funny.

Dogs love red meat.

Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

Anyone can get a good-looking dog.

If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

Dogs don't shop.

Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

A dog's parents never visit.

Dogs love long car trips.

Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.

Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.

When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.

Dogs like beer.

Dogs don't hate their bodies.

No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album.

No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

Dogs never criticize.

Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

Dogs never expect gifts.

It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.

Dogs don't worry about germs.

Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.

Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.

Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.

You never have to wait for a dog, they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.

Dogs don't borrow your shirts.

Dogs never want foot-rubs.

Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.

Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

Dogs can't talk. Dogs aren't catty.

Dogs seldom outlive you.



HOW DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE

Both look stupid in hats.

Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.

Both tend to have "hip" problems.

Neither understand football.

Both look good in a fur coat.

Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.

Neither believe that silence is golden.

Both constantly want back rubs.

Neither can balance a check book.

You can never tell what either of them is thinking.

Both put too much value on kissing.
 

JuliusPleaser

Too much of a good thing.
LIFETIME SPONSOR
Nov 22, 2000
4,392
0
Holy old thread, Batman! :ohmy:

I almost cried when Nikki knocked me down at DW.
 

bike5

Member
Aug 19, 2000
103
0
Well, that is as far as I can go.

I was going to try to post about "It's Bad to be a Woman", or "It Sucks to be a Woman", or something like that.

As Google omits "to be a" in the searches, you can imagine the results that came up on the searches.

Put a "+" in front of the word and it will not omit it.
"+It Sucks +to +be +a Woman"
However, results might not change..lol
 

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