Twisted Friday Humor (I know, it's still Thursday)

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biglou

Had to post this today. Tomorrow I'll be lucky if I can remember my name...:debil:
Got this from one of my crazy friends (you know who you are):

General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Airbags:

DETROIT-With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the
domestic market down 11 percent since 1999, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday.

The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 2002 cars.

"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 2002 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."

Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 2002, the airbag
promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback
overwhelmingly positive.

"As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to
myself, 'Oh, boy, this could be it-I could be a big winner!'" said
Cincinnati's Martin Frelks, who lost his wife but won $50 Sunday when the Buick LeSabre they were driving hit an oil slick at 60 mph and slammed into an oncoming truck. "When the car stopped rolling down the embankment, I knew Ellen was dead, but all I could think about was getting the blood and glass out of my eyes so I could read that airbag!"


Hartford, CT, resident Jonathan Ryerson was killed Sunday when his 2001 Pontiac hit a freight train. Ryerson won $50 in the accident. "It's really addictive," said Sacramento, CA, resident Marjorie Kamp, speaking from her hospital bed, where she is listed in critical condition with severe brain hemorrhaging and a punctured right lung. "I've already crashed four cars trying to win those Super Bowl tickets, but I still haven't won. I swear, I'm going to win those tickets-even if it kills me!"

Kamp said that as soon as she is well enough, she plans to buy a new Pontiac Bonneville and drive it into a tree.

GM officials are not surprised the airbag contest has been so well
received. "In the past, nobody really liked car wrecks, and that's
understandable. After all, they're scary and dangerous and, sometimes, even fatal," GM CEO Paul Offerman said. "But now, when you drive a new GM car or truck, your next serious crash could mean serious cash. Who wouldn't like that?"

Offerman added that in the event a motorist wins a prize but is
killed, that prize will be awarded to the next of kin.

According to GM's official contest rules, odds of winning the grand
prize, a brand-new 2002 Cadillac, are 1 in 43,000,000. Statistical experts, however, say the real chances of winning are significantly worse. "If you factor in the odds of getting in a serious car accident in the first place-approximately 1 in 720,000-the actual odds of winning a prize each time you step in your car are more like 1 in 31 trillion."

Further, even if one is in an accident, there is no guarantee the
airbag will inflate. "I was recently broadsided by a drunk driver in my new Chevy Cavalier," said Erie, PA, resident Jerry Polaner. "My car was totaled, and because it was the side of my car that got hit, my airbag didn't even inflate. But what really gets me is the fact that the drunk driver, who rammed my side with the front of his 1999 Buick Regal, won a $100 Office Depot gift certificate. That's just wrong."
 

Old CR goat

Sponsoring Member
Nov 10, 2000
695
0
Lou, that is sick, I want to know one thing though.


If you win like $100 for Office Depot, will they let you trade it for another place, Like say Parts Unlimited????;)
 

KiwiBird

LIFETIME SPONSOR
Jan 30, 2000
2,386
0
BigLou, maybe you could talk Sleepyhead in to the promotion - you'd stand a good chance if they put airbags in the headboards.
 
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biglou

Well, I uh, er, umm...Speechless again! That's twice in one day. Mark those calendars.
 

Jamir

I come and go
Aug 7, 2001
1,939
0
Lou,
GET YOU GAWD-DARN NET WORKING!!!!




Sincerely,
One of your crazy friends
 
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