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General Moto | Off-Topic Posts
Completely Off Topic - DIVORCE
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[QUOTE="Jimbokdx, post: 551216, member: 36072"] Dave, I just saw this string. I am in the same situation. I was divorced over 7 years ago. My ex is still drunk with anger. Right now, I am on the tail end of a contempt charge that she started against me. She said I owed her $175. This action has been going on for about a year and a half. So far I have about $5500 tied up in this action... I can only assume she has at least as much (probably more). Obviously, her goal is not to recover $175. Her goal is to do anything she can do to hurt me, even if that means she gets hurt herself. What you need, Dave, is a good dose of the truth. I am sure that all of these guys on here that tell you that things will get better are well meaning, but they are wrong. At least, you need to assume they are wrong. You need to protect yourself. I can tell by the tone of your posts that you fall in the same trap so many other men do. You want to be amicable. You want to be nice. You want to be quiet and just make everything go away. With that attitude, you are only making things worse... trust me, I know. If your lawyer is not a bulldog-- fire him. You need to accept the fact that things are not going to be quiet. You are in a war. Act like it! But be smart. Here's how I did it: 1)Stay focused. Your entire life is centered around custody of your kids. Everything you do is for that purpose. She will try to drag you into a fight. Don't fight back. When two people are fighting, an outsider (i.e. judge) will only see two bitter, childish people. If you are both rotten parents, either your kids go to foster care or she gets them. You have to show that she is bitter and vindictive, but you are stable and even tempered. 2)Every encounter with her is an opportunity to gather evidence. USE IT! Every phone call is recorded (most states allow you to record a call that you are a party to without informing the other party). Save all of her phone messages. Every time you meet her, you should have a tape recorder in your pocket on record. Every note or letter she writes is kept. Maintain a diary that memorializes every event that is pertinent... both the bad ones involving her and the good ones involving you. If applicable, hire a private investigator. Don't be cheap. Your kids are worth it. Your case has to be overwhelming. 3)Don't EVER speak ill of her in front of your kids, or where your kids could possibly overhear. You must insist that your kids be respectful and mindful of her (even if she doesn't deserve it). Tell them that their mom loves them and they should love her as well. Tell them that you won't tolerate them being disrespectful to her. You can explain disagreements between you and her, but never do it in the tone of "your mom is wrong". 4)Interact with her as little as possible. Remember, every time you open your mouth, you give her an opportunity to gather evidence. Don't EVER do anything wrong. Before you act, think of what the judge would say if he were there to witness. Always take the high road. Continue to turn the other cheek. 5)Remember, she is drunk with anger. One thing that is common about drunk and angry people is that they use very poor judgement. Just be patient, she will feed you all the ammunition you need. Basically, just let her rant and rave. Let her spill her evidence all over the floor... just make sure you are there to sweep it up and keep it for your later use. Give her all the rope she wants. She will make a noose intended for you, but I promise you, she will stick her own head in it. 6)Very important-- don't ever expect her to do anything rational. Like I said, she is drunk. She will not be rational. She will not make reasonable decisions. Hence, my ex spending over $5500 to try to recover $175. People who are this angry do not care if they are hurt by their actions (or if their kids are hurt) as long as they cause injury to the person they are angry at. Your kids are targets. Be aware of that. Once she realizes (I think she already has) that the one sure way she can hurt you is to hurt your kids, she will take advantage of that. I know it sounds sick, but she is not rational. Don't expect her to be. Once you are divorced, don't plan on it getting better. If she is truly angry and bitter like you say, she won't calm down after the divorce. These rules will apply until your kids are 18. You ALWAYS must take the high road and you ALWAYS must take advantage of any opportunity to gather evidence you can. DO NOT GET SOFT! Once you have a court order in place that favors you and the court recognizes that you are the stable one, then you can be generous. Until then, you are at war. I won custody of my son when he was 4. I was on active duty in the Navy. She wasn't an alcoholic. She was not abusive to my son. And, our divorce was in South Carolina. There is no way in hell I should have won custody. But I did. And it was all because I was focused and she was angry. If you want to discuss anything further, email me at [email]JIMnJILL@MCHSI.com[/email]. I have my fingers crossed for you. Just don't believe that things will get better on their own. They will only get better if you take the actions necessary so that you can dictate the outcome. Good luck. Jimbo [/QUOTE]
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MX, SX & Off-Road Discussions
General Moto | Off-Topic Posts
Completely Off Topic - DIVORCE
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