Dog Pet Peeves

[Rooster]

DOG PET PEEVES ABOUT HUMANS

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.

2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all.

3. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!

4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)

5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?

6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.

7. Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth.....

10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.

11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your furniture up when you're not home.

12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.

14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.

15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet solved the visible fence problem!!

 

[LoriKTM]

:)

That explains a LOT!

 

[Senior KX Rider]

:)

 

[JWW]

Funny stuff

Thanks

 

[BEEF706]

Good stuff, LOL, #9 ya killin' me :)

 

[a454elk]

Nice!:)

 

[yzeater]

My parents got a new bed last week that is significantly taller than their old one, and it has mahogany sides. One night my parents called Oscar (the dog) into the room and he came at a full run. They heard a very large smack as his body slammed into the side. He won't get up into the bed anymore

 

[bluerider125]

:) funny stuff!!

 

[geremacheks]

Cocker Spaniel to the lady at the end of the leash: "Of course I like to roll on dead, smelly fish at the beach. How else can I get that car deoderant off of me?"

Bird dog to Master: "You stand in front of those 12 guage barrels when they explode. See if you go running 20 miles back home to your kennel."

 

[geremacheks]

Tall, Fluffly Hollywood Poodle at the Sunset Blvd. Groomers:

"Hey, LaVerne, can I just have the straight cut this time? Really, my goal in life is simply to retrieve ducks."

 

[Jaybird]

:)

 

[JuliusPleaser]

My ex-wife is not what you would call a good cook, so I made a habit of feeding most of her meals to the dog when she wasn't looking. One evening, after a particularly bad dinner, my wife noticed that the dog was sitting in the corner, furiously licking his a**. She looked at me and asked "What in the world is wrong with the dog?" I just winked at her and said "He's just trying to get the bad taste out of his mouth."

 

[bluerider125]

Originally posted by Julius Pleaser
My ex-wife is not what you would call a good cook, so I made a habit of feeding most of her meals to the dog when she wasn't looking. One evening, after a particularly bad dinner, my wife noticed that the dog was sitting in the corner, furiously licking his a**. She looked at me and asked "What in the world is wrong with the dog?" I just winked at her and said "He's just trying to get the bad taste out of his mouth."

:eek: :) :)
......oh god your killin me... :) :)

 

[MrLuckey]

Bwaahaahaa JP, you really ought to think about doing stand up comedy. I see an HBO special in your future.

 

[geremacheks]

JP----I have married some dogs before---is that one available? (The dog, not the ex).

 

[jeb]

Some funny jokes. I have 3 dogs and now I know what they're thinking.

Back in my youth, I was partying one day at a Harley buddy's place. His dog was on the floor licking himself when another mutual friend, Chuck, walked in. Chuck looked at the dog and said "I wish I could do that". Dog's owner said "Go ahead, he's very friendly". Laughed til I cried. :)

 

[JuliusPleaser]

Gere, my ex is no dog, but she took the dog with her. It's a good thing she was attractive, cuz she definitely couldn't cook (or do math, or form an independent thought).

People used to ask me why I talked to myself so much. In my house, that was the only time I ever had an intelligent conversation.

 

[geremacheks]

Jeb-----Oh, wowwww! and Bow Wowwww!

JP-----Very funny. I feel the need to correct myself for the record. I haven't married any dogs, lately. In fact, married for over 30 years to the same woman. She's the VIP, exec type, and carries on stimulating conversations. She doesn't cook. I do. And on the bad days, the dog turns and runs when he sees the leftovers, so she throws my dinners out in the back yard for the raccoons to eat----which they may or may not eat depending on if they had a bad night finding crayfish and worms.

I don't get it? Doesn't everybody like cheap frozen pizza?

 

[geremacheks]

Jeb said: "I've got three dogs. Now I know what they're thinking."

Sorry, Jeb, but you don't have a clue.

Alpha Male to the rest of the Pack: "Our master just doesn't seem to get it. It's either us, or the KTM's. Next time he sneaks out to the garage to fondle and whisper sweet nothings to those meaning-less machines, I vote we should gang up, take him down, and give him the ultimatum. Agreed? 'Wooolf, Wooolf.' "

Jeb: Strong advice. Lock those dogs up in the kennel, NOW!

 

[CPT Jack]

JP, now that's funny!! ;)

 

[909]

Heh i suppose im the only one who recognizes these jokes from a certain internet site.........

 

[geremacheks]

909---Which ones? Which site? I swear all my bad ones are original.

 

[JuliusPleaser]

Stop teasing and cough up the addy. I need new material. :)

 

[Rooster]

c'mon 909, let us in on the fun!

 

[zio]

www.jokman.com -no there's no 'e' in there. tons of good ones in the archives.