Friday humor

[SirThumper]

An old couple walked into the McDonalds today and both ordered a Big Mac, a large order of fries and large Coke.  After recieving their order the counter worker, having nothing else to do due to lack of customers right then, was intently watching the older couple.  The oder man sat down and started eating his Big Mac while the woman just opened her hamburger and just stared at it.  The counter clerk thought there might be something wrong so she went over to ask the woman if there was a problem with her burger.  The woman told her "no problem".  A few minutes passes by and the clerk was getting a little anoyed that the man was making his wife eat last and so she goes over to where they are sitting and gives him what for, telling him how rude he is being.  Finally the older woman says "no, it's ok honey, it's his turn to eat first, I'm just waiting for the dentures." :)

 

[Zoomer]

:silly: :silly:

 

[Zoomer]

Read the com
Subject: Men Are From Mars . . .

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,
here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American
University.


"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then
add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re﷓read
what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must
be written on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion
has been reached."



The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca and Gary

STORY:

(First paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of
the question.

﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓
(Second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
than the neuroses of an air﷓headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17, he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓
(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓
(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
its lithium fusion missiles. The dim﷓witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had
left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop
them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion
missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top﷓secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President
slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm
going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓
(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi﷓literate adolescent.

﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓
(Gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self﷓centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have
chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no,
I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓
(Rebecca)

*******

﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓
(Gary)

Bitch.

﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓﷓
(Teacher)

A+ ﷓ I really liked this one.

plete story!

 

[Camstyn]

ROTFLMAO! That's one of the funniest things I've ever read.. Kudos to that male author. :worship: :)

 

[JuliusPleaser]

:) Gotta pass that one on.