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Message: [QUOTE="Chili, post: 640417, member: 29892"] You might want to avoid portraying the struggling to make ends meet college student angle followed immediately by pointing out he was driving his "show" car which is a hi performance (Tends to invoke thoughts of High Cost) Mustang. Just my opinion but it seems to clash in paragraph one you are looking for a break for a good kid who is struggling to make ends meet to educate himself and in paragraph two you reference the show car implying it is one of at least two cars he owns. I like the letter overall but if it was me I would probably skip the whole section regarding the car he was driving. Best of luck :thumb: [/QUOTE]