Telemarketing tormenting strategies

[Offroadr]

Try these next time...


1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed
for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say,
"I'm so glad you asked, because no one
these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes
are sore, my dog just died..."

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask
them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the
company name. Then ask them where it is located, how
long it has been in business, how many people work there,
how they got into this line of work, are they maried?,
kids?, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or
questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male:
Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with
XYZ Company..."
You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice
ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise,"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God!
Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give
Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to
figure out where the hell she could know you from.

6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound
of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as
they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you
can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family
and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as
you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be
my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out
blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about
HUMAN blood?

9. After the Telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to
marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that
you could not just give your credit card number to
a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same
company, they often can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a
Telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream,
"Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and
ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her HOME
phone number so you can call him/her back. When
the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot
give out their HOME numbers you say "I guess
you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?"
The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me, either!"
Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would
please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while
you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food
loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration"
and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But
I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing
a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon,
how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need
to speak up... louder... louder...louder...

20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want
to write EVERY WORD down.

21. Tell them to hold on you have to answer to door, set the phone down and walk off, see how long they wait.

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[JuliusPleaser]

:)

 

[Senior KX Rider]

I have used no 6 and 21. Very effective. :)

 

[wayneg]

I usually just say 'NO I'm not interested' which seems to work quite well.
But next time I will definitely try number 4. Should be good for a laugh.

 

[Tod]

If you are very ambitious and the telemarketing company is a cronic pest, here's another approach:

Mail the company CEO a certified letter (w/receipt) thanking them for contacting your telemarketing consulting firm. Politely inform them that, as a professional courtesy you gladly accepted their previous calls for free, but from now one the cost of accepting their calls and providing advise will be $1000.

Alot of companies will remove you from their list (until they buy a new one).

But if not:
Document the next call, file a small claims court case and from what I've heard, depending on the judge's sense of humour, win about half of the time.

Myself, I'm just to busy (or lazy) and prefer to tell the caller to "F off" and hang up.

 

[Brian]

Too, too funny. Almost makes me wish I'd get a call from a telemarketer now. I'll have to print this out and have it near the phone :thumb:

 

[yzeater]

The last telemarketer I talked to I mimiced their voice...I thought it was funny :cool:
Then with another one they asked if I would listen to their one minute talk. I said "yes, but I'm going to throw the phone into the other room"...their response "So you won't interrupt?"...when I got back on a couple minutes later there was a dead line

 

[cr25096er]

i like listening to all the crap they have 2 say then going "ummmm im 14 n have no idea what u r talking about. ill get my parents."

 

[bsmith]

Stan,
What's your number? :)

 

[KiwiBird]

Don't put ideas into teenager's minds.

Friend's 14yo son answered the phone and told the telemarketer than Mom was dead and they shouldn't call back.

Took her 2 weeks to fix the credit cards when she discovered she couldn't use them.

 

[Farmer John]

For a little while I was constantly geting calls from window salesmen. after the first 4 or 5 calls my wife & I came up with something that eventually got them to stop calling.
We recorded our answering machine message in Cantonese & for about a month or so we only answered the phone in Cantonese (I speak just enough to answer the phone).
All telemarketer calls dried up in about 2-3 weeks. :)

Now the only catch to this method is that there are Chinese telemarketing companies. When these people call my wife & I tell them that we only do business in English. :debil:

 

[Tod]

A buddy's Dad always used to answer the phone:

"Denbow's Hardware, free screws"

He gets a lot of hang-ups.

 

[_SOLO_]

I like talking to the telemarketers in their own voice, very funny when they try to act like they aren't being annoyed. The thing where they give me the five minute pitch and I have to tell them I'm not eighteen happens often.

 

[smb_racing]

telemarketers are fun to mess with, I usually get called by the ones who sound like they're new to the job, and when I say no or some up with a clever remark it's like they're petrified with fear and just say "uh...umm..ok?" which is the point where I usually hang up after they've talked for around 5 minutes.

 

[BadgerMan]

Listen to this guy if you get a chance. Too dogone funny!

http://www.tommabe.com/

Oh, here are the free audio samples:

http://www.tommabe.com/album.php

 

[Smit-Dog]

I have the Tom Mabe CD "Revenge of the Telemarketer". Funniest bit: When the black lady calls him up, and he pretends that he's in the middle of trying to, ah, "get a sample". She actually goes along with it for a while.

:)

 

[funktree]

somebody out there is saying yes to these damn telemarketers or they wouldnt be calling the rest of us.