things heard in court

[jmics19067]

> > > >They are statements people actually said in court, word for word,
taken
> > > down and now published by court reporters. How did they keep from
> > > laughing while these were all taking place?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Judge:
> > > >
> > > >"Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your
> > > wife
> > > $775 a week."
> > > >
> > > >Husband:
> > > >
> > > >"That's fair, your honour. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: What is your date of birth?
> > > >
> > > >A: July fifteenth.
> > > >
> > > >Q: What year?
> > > >
> > > >A: Every year
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
> > > >
> > > >A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> > > >
> > > >A: Yes.
> > > >
> > > >Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> > > >
> > > >A: I forget.
> > > >
> > > >Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've
> > > forgotten?
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
> > > >
> > > >A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> > > >
> > > >Q: How long has he lived with you?
> > > >
> > > >A: Forty-five years.
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
> > > that
> > > morning?
> > > >
> > > >A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> > > >
> > > >Q: And why did that upset you?
> > > >
> > > >A: My name is Susan.
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: And where was the location of the accident?
> > > >
> > > >A: Approximately milepost 499.
> > > >
> > > >Q: And where is milepost 499?
> > > >
> > > >A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
> > > >
> > > >A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
> > > >
> > > >A: After the accident?
> > > >
> > > >Q: Before the accident.
> > > >
> > > >A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
> > > lights
> > > flashing?
> > > >
> > > >A: Yes.
> > > >
> > > >Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
> > > >
> > > >A: Yes, sir.
> > > >
> > > >Q: What did she say?
> > > >
> > > >A: What disco am I at?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
> > > doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th?
> > > >
> > > >A: Yes.
> > > >
> > > >Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: She had three children, right?
> > > >
> > > >A: Yes.
> > > >
> > > >Q: How many were boys?
> > > >
> > > >A: None.
> > > >
> > > >Q: Were there any girls?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
> > > >
> > > >A: Yes.
> > > >
> > > >Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> > > >
> > > >A: By death.
> > > >
> > > >Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Can you describe the individual?
> > > >
> > > >A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> > > >
> > > >Q: Was this a male or a female?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition that
I
> > > sent to your attorney?
> > > >
> > > >A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> > > >
> > > >A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
> > > >
> > > >A: OK.
> > > >
> > > >Q: What school did you go to?
> > > >
> > > >A: Oral.
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> > > >
> > > >A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p. m.
> > > >
> > > >Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> > > >
> > > >A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> > > autopsy.
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> > > >
> > > >___________________________________________
> > > >
> > > >Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
> > > >
> > > >A: No.
> > > >
> > > >Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > > >
> > > >A: No.
> > > >
> > > >Q: Did you check for breathing?
> > > >
> > > >A: No.
> > > >
> > > >Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> > > the
> > > autopsy?
> > > >
> > > >A: No.
> > > >
> > > >Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> > > >
> > > >A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> > > >
> > > >Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
> > > >
> > > >A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law
> > > somewhere.
> > >

 

[gwcrim]

You could retitle this post as "Attorneys say the dumbest things."

Evertime I read it, it brings a tear to my eye.

 

[jboomer]

Oral.

 

[BSWIFT]

Attorneys and reporters.  I can hear Diane Sawyer or Bryant Gumble saying over half of this stuff. :ugg:

 

[gwcrim]

Yeah.... or even Tim Russert.

I watch a lot of 'news' channels and my wife just rolls her eyes at some of the redundant redundancy questions they ask.

 

[squeaky]

It amazes me how truly dense some people really are. But it amuses me in the same sense :)

 

[Jon K.]

Judge: "Mr. Kemp; where do you reside?"

My grandpa: "Chipola, Louisiana"

Judge: "Have you lived there all your life?"

My grandpa: "Not yet."

True story!! :yeehaw:

 

[Moto Squid]

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

lmao!! :laugh: the look on the attorneys face musta been hilarious :laugh: