time for surgery

Can anyone interpret what sfc crash said?
this one's for you amiee, in my slightly buzzed john wayne voice, standing ,leaned over towards you slightly, pointing my finger..."ah, don't worry about ole sarge, he'll be ok . why i tracked and killed 48 apache wolf warriors with 2 bullets and a whole quiver of arrows in my spine, thanks to ole cochees himself. ya don't hear me crying about going to some ole sawbones now do ya. ya better just pull out your jim bowie knife, start a fire and take a pull on some of that who hit john and quit acting like a school girl, yah-hu!...wait wait, i'm sober and on a roll...here's one for you jay, my partner in bug assasination..(same john wayne thingy)..if ya wanna kill a bug,..ya gotta think like a bug. :aj: ok, off the the sub ranch king. got about 50 or so more yards to clear for my track, then try welding up a plow and "turn up some of that dirt, pilgrim."

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You know what, that isn't easy, what you do. here, i'll tryin my drunken phil donahue voice".well, since i'm not cryin in my beer, i'll give you a sip compadre, if you want some of my beer in the ol' gut yes? but what the heck, i drink beer and i don't mind sharin... right? i'm all for sharin your track when you git it bilt and then we'll ride and follow each other down, around, and through the whole blast of fun i tell youwhat... i am a somewhat specialneeds person myself, you know, "no i don't you ol sonfoagun",but anyway... so when your backheels and you feel like it, and i know you do,well, maybe just maybe we can ride together. but heres the catch, i don't have a ride to dw'o2. so i'll just have to read your posts from afar and laff my rear off everytime,deal? i thought so. it's like my brother said once "if you fall off your horse and don't get up well then your just a quitter"... or "he who laffs last laffs hardest"
zio

crash, good luck in your recovery. so are you having surgery or letting time mend things? with only 9 weeks to DW, careful planning will be important, so as not to miss all the service work Lou has been ordered to provide you with, not to mention all the liquid pain medication that will surely be provided.

Best of luck, Sarge!

Sarge sounds exactly like he types! :)
(lol...no drawl...well maybe some folks may hear a drawl, but to the untrained hick ear, there is NO drawl)
And never think that he sits and thinks this stuff up, that aint happenin...Sarge spouts this stuff as he speaks, and yes one needs to be prepared to spew thier drink at any second.
Actually, when listening to Sarge, it may take a few seconds after you've heard something he has said...but then it hits you, and you realise that may well be one of the funniest things you've ever heard!
:)