Tuesday Humor!

[a454elk]

Once upon a time,long, long, ago there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the ********** presidential candidate nor the ******** presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

Therefore, it was decoded that there should be an ice fishing
contest between the two candidates to determine the final winner.
There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a weeklong ice fishing competition seemed the (manly) way to settle things. The candidate that catches the most fish at the end of week wins.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the
contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in Wisconsin.
There were to be no observers present,and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.

At the end of the first day, George W. returned to the starting
line and he had 10 fish. Soon A. **** returned and he had zero fish.

Well, everyone assumed he is just having another bad hair day or
something and hopefully, he would catch some fish the next day.
At the end of the second day, George W. came in with 20 fish and
A. **** again came in with none.

That evening, Bill ******* got together with A. **** and said,
"Al, I think George W. is a low-life cheating son-of-a gun.
I want you to go out tomorrow and don't bother with fishing.
Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way."

The next night (after George W. came back with 50 fish), Bill
******* said to Al, "Well, what about it, is George W. cheating?"
"He sure is, Bill, he's cutting holes in the ice."

 

[a454elk]

I'm seeing stars! Geesh!
Elk

 

[Ol'89r]

Good one elk.;)

Here's one called 'Sometimes'.

Sometimes...
When you cry...No one sees your tears.

Sometimes...
When you are worried...No one feels your pain.

Sometimes...
When you are happy...No one sees your smile.

But, fart just one time.
:eek: :eek: :eek:

 

[a454elk]

:D

 

[Senior KX Rider]

Very Good:) :)

 

[JPIVEY]

Originally posted by Ol'89r


fart just one time.

Ok, now what do I do ?

 

[Old CR goat]

Take a deep breath and hold it!:eek:

 

[a454elk]

That's gross!:uh:

 

[JPIVEY]

Yeah, that's gross, you old goat :D

 

[Mully]

You smell popcorn ?????????

 

[Camstyn]

Wait till you're on a road trip with two or more other people, windows rolled up.. Release a silent but violent one and say "Do you smell something burning?" By the time they figure it out, their noses and eyes will be burning:aj:

 

[ktmboy]

The hardest part is not smiling when the wife asks, "ok, which one of you did that?" "I think it was the cat honey. It smells like cat!":o

 

[zio]

huh... maybe I should get a cat...:confused:

 

[gospeedracer]

:silly: Well that didn't take long. I find no matter what the subject of conversation, if it's between men, it will always end up degrading into a convo about either farting, puking or belching. :p

 

[justql]

That's a good one.

 

[VintageDirt]

Originally posted by gospeedracer
:silly: Well that didn't take long. I find no matter what the subject of conversation, if it's between men, it will always end up degrading into a convo about either farting, puking or belching. :p

Oh yeah, well you women are just jealous because you don't know how to do it right.:)

 

[Ol'89r]

Originally posted by gospeedracer
:silly: Well that didn't take long. I find no matter what the subject of conversation, if it's between men, it will always end up degrading into a convo about either farting, puking or belching. :p

Hey Speedy. Here's a little known fact for ya...

"Women neither snore, belch, or fart. Therefore, they must bitch or they will blow up.":p

 

[a454elk]

89r, you kill me!:):) Sorry GSR, ask your other half about playing covered wagons!
Stinkin Elk

 

[Old CR goat]

A Friend's wife said that women don't sweat, women perspire. She heard another young lady said something about sweating, she replied " I don't sweat, I perspire, don't I Ron(her husband). He replied" That's right sweetheart, you perspire--- like a pig."

hmmm, that was gross, wasn't it.

 

[gospeedracer]

Originally posted by Old CR goat
A Friend's wife said that women don't sweat, women perspire.

So then you've met my Mother. :)

 

[JuliusPleaser]

According to one of my feminine friends, women don't perspire. They "glisten".

 

[JPIVEY]

Ha

You get a bunch of women together and they fart, burp and puke with the best of them.

Their just better at the cover up

 

[CAL]

Re: Ha

Originally posted by JPIVEY
You get a bunch of women together and they fart, burp and puke with the best of them.

Their just better at the cover up

I'll second that! My wife can put me to shame when she wants to.:eek:

 

[ktmboy]

...........and women don't fart, they fluff!:eek:

 

[zio]

okay, stop it you guys. I don't wanna hear this stuff. lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaaaaaalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaalalalalalaaaaaaalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaaaaaalaalalala