A few thoughts for those

[Milk]

A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember, half the people you know are below average.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the chesse.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable, except for vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
OK, so whats the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you are out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just dont have film.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
I couldnt repair your brakes so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask your name?
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

And my favorite:

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

 

[125 rider]

:) Those are funny

 

[jharmon]

Milk? They were good. You truly are a Jack of all Trades, Ace of None.

Why do you park in a driveway, and drive on the parkway?

 

[dirty~d~]

Originally posted by Milk

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

1/2 of 1 = 1/2

1/2 of 1/2 = 1/4 ;) Forgot basic fractions so soon? :)

 

[Milk]

I dont remember rattling your cage. :moon:

 

[MXFastGuy]

Sounds like Ty Webb (Chevy Chase) in Caddyshack. Some very good stuff, Milk.

DirtyD: Who cares? Anyway, last time I checked 1/2 plus 1/2 equals 1.

 

[bclapham]

At the end of the day...............................it gets dark!

 

[Rooster]

I've noticed that it also stays light out intil it gets dark.

 

[Patman]

I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.

 

[dirty~d~]

Originally posted by MXFastGuy


DirtyD: Who cares? Anyway, last time I checked 1/2 plus 1/2 equals 1.

Apparently you have missed the sarcasm in my statement... I was giving Milk a hard time. :silly: :confused: :moon:

 

[MrLuckey]

This looks like a good place for some quotes from professional sports:

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming
season:"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy
like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm
going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line
up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of
three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with
promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out
smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon
during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of
the clubs that we went to."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training
regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at
six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27
record: "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general
manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." (1992)

Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms
Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle
for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back." (1981)

Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss
what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy
officiating."(1986)

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I asked
him,'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said,
'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.' " (1991)

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach,
John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what
he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to
me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

 

[Milk]

Ha. Some of those are classics. I like em. :)

 

[XRpredator]

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here"

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can?

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it irritates me! I'll go over to a little baby and say, "What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!"

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect

For a while I didn't have a car... I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...

 

[BunduBasher]

I once was conceited, til I found out I was perfect ;)