All Time Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists

[Tony Eeds]

Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned By Parks Canada staff!

1. How do the Elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?

2. At what elevation does an Elk become a Moose?

3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk’?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' "Tourist: "Oh".

4. Are the Bears with collars tame?

5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?

6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?

7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?

8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?

9. Are there birds in Canada?

10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?

11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?

12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?

13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?

14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?

15. Which is the way to the Columbia Rice fields?

16. How far is Banff from Canada?

17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day?

18. Do they search you at the B.C. border?

19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds?

20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don’t they?

21. Are there phones in Banff?

22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles?

23. We're on the decibel system you know.

24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??

25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car?

26. Don't you Canadians know anything?

27. Where do you put the animals at night?

28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?" Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom". Tourist: "Oh!"

 

[plykins]

A couple years ago at Taylor Park in Colorado, we were talking with a park ranger. He was telling us a couple weeks back he had stopped to inform a couple camping, that there had been bears sited in the area and that they should take precautions with their supplies. They replied " We will be sure & keep our food in the tent at night." They were from Chicago. true story

 

[CaNaDiAn,Eh?]

Some people are so stupid.....once we were driving through the mountains and there were these full grown elk standing near the road...and a carload of japanese tourists were running over to them trying to get them to come closer by holding bread out for them.

 

[thescooterstore]

20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don’t they?

Whats so weird about that... isnt it true? ;)

 

[rdrash2]

You just can't make this that stuff up LOL

 

[gospeedracer]

24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??

I don’t understand why this is on the dumb question list?? :laugh:

 

[DoubleTrouble]

...sitting in a Denver youth hostel in 92:

Young American girl "where you from?", "South Africa". "Oh, what country in south africa?" ....."The country is South Africa", ..."no I mean what country in south africa"..."the country is called South Africa, you know, apartheid, Nelson Mandela". ..."Oh, okay...do you know so-and-so in Nigeria?" !!!

...all true.

 

[DoubleTrouble]

In 92 whilst visiting the Grand Canyon I met a Doctor from Belfast. She was originally from Malaysia and I asked if she'd ever visit South Africa. "Nooooo, too dangerous" (this was at the height of the Irish troubles).

Anyway she eventually made it over and she was off to visit a game park. I told her of the two Tawainese students eaten by lions after they got out of their car and tried to pet a lion. "cute pu$$y cat". I told her not to get out of her car whilst in the park.

Luck would have it that she, with three other girl-friends, got a flat tire in the middle of the park. (the park is the size of Israel). So listening to my advice they continued on for another 20 miles before running into a Scandinavian tourist who said he'd change the tire for them. They questioned his sanity but he said it was okay to be out of the car. They sat in the car while he changed the tire and took a couple of pictures while he did it.

A couple of weeks later the pictures were developed....in the grass behind the guy, nicely camoflaged, was a lion.

...all true.

 

[Tony Eeds]

April 8th 1971

United States Army Training Center Infantry
Fort Polk Louisiana
Company A

Conversation between SGT and RECRUIT standing next to me in formation while the Drill Sargent was "welcoming" us to Company A.

SGT - Where are you from soldier?
RECRUIT - West Texas Sir!
SGT - DON'T call me SIR, I work for a living! Where are you from soldier?
RECRUIT - West Texas DRILL SARGENT!
SGT - Are you TRYING to be funny with me soldier? What PART of WEST TEXAS are you from?
RECRUIT - The east side DRILL SARGENT!

At this point there are snickers from other recruits in the formation. The drill sargent is also vibrating.

ME - Psst, Drill Sargent ... There is a town named West in Texas.

:laugh:

 

[dirty~d~]

Now THAT is some funny shtuff! :rotfl: