Arm Issues and feeling insecure (long)

[Sourstraw]

Yeah, weird subject line, right?

OK, here goes... my last ride was up at Tower City, which is this place in PA that is fun to ride at, but EXTREMELY rocky. We didn't warm up much before we started out, because the warm-up area was closed due to hunting season, so we started out on these MAJORLY intense trails right away. I mean - imagine a hill that would be steep to walk up, and now COVER it (I mean COVER IT) with rocks, and get up it on your 1995 Yamaha RT 180 - not a pretty picture. Needless to say, after about 20 minutes my arms were throbbing to the point where I couldn't even pull in my clutch or my break lever. We had to stop and rest for about 45 minutes - they were so pumped up that I couldn't even clench at all. My boyfriend was acting kind of annoyed at me - I had worked out at the gym the previous Wed. and he was blaming me for the fact that my arms were so sore I couldn't use them. My point was - I'm not going to ride if it is unsafe, and if i can't use my brake or my clutch, it is certainly unsafe.

I eventually made it through that bit of the trail, and then we came into some more technical stuff. Now mind you, I have not been riding long, I am NOT on a good bike for this sort of terrain, and I was keeping up with people who had been riding for 10+ years. I had a few spills, but nothing major - my boyfriend had to help me start the bike a few times, because it was being so stubborn. We got to a hill climb, I fell once on that, but then went back down and did it again, and i made it up. We were taking a break, and that is when things went south. Now, I do love my boyfriend, and this was TOTALLY out of his charachter. But... he called me a wuss, and said that I needed to "stop being a wuss", and that he was frustrated that I had fallen a few times, because he had to set his bike down on the rocks every time. I was LIVID at that point, and refused to talk to him for the rest of the ride... which ended HORRIBLY, I might add - my bike caught on a rock that was embedded in the ground and came to a dead stop, and I flew 15ft. in the air, landed on my head on a pile of rocks (thank GOODNESS for wearing body armour)...I also jammed my thumb severely, and it was so painful that I couldn't finish the ride because I couldn't pull my clutch lever in at all - I was bleeding out of my nose and mouth, and I had a black eye... (mind you, the first thing I said when I got up was, "I'm going to get back on my bike"). ANYWAY, it SUCKED!!! I thought I had gotten over the whole thing - the fall itself didn't bother me, it was just an accident, and that comes with the sport... but the whole "wuss" thing bothers me a lot still. I am worried that he doesn't want me to ride with him because I will slow him down or something... and I am completely PARANOID to fall now whenever I am riding with him, because I am worried he won't think I'm a good enough rider. He went riding yesterday, and i couldn't make it because I had a wedding shower to go to, but all I could think about is that he was probably glad that I wasn't there. As soon as he was done riding, he called me to let me know how it went, and he said that it "sucked" without me there, but in my mind, all I could think about is that he was lying to make me feel better. (even though I don't know if he actually was lying - that's just how I felt) I don't think he knows how much his comments bothered me, because I was so delirious after my big fall that day that I never had a chance to duke it out with him.

Honestly, he is not a bad guy, he is my best friend, but this, beyond all other things bothers me SO much. Any advice on both the arm situation and my pyschological self-analysis (ha ha) would be great. Sorry to rant on and on, but I think I need to get over this if I am going to enjoy riding with him. And no, I do not have any other major issues... I am typically a sane individual. :)

Ciao to all,
Stacy

 

[CaNaDiAn,Eh?]

WOW, that really was a terrible ride, and your boyfriend was way out of line calling you a wuss and making the ride miserable for you!!!

 

[firecracker22]

Men are wired WAY WAY differently for these things than we are. I am sure he does love you intensely and he is a great guy, but they just don't understand the way we do things, so they get frustrated and say dumb crap. Seriously, I got yelled at constantly when I started.

The best answer is to find women to ride with, or barring that, at least other men. It takes the pressure off if you are riding with someone you are not emotionally involved in. They say that your significant other is the last person you should learn to golf or ski from . . . add dirt biking to that list.

 

[srellis]

Maybe he was in a bad mood that day and was frustrated for you, not at you. I stopped riding our Hare scramble early today because I almost lost it in a corner when my front wheel hit a big rock and kicked to the left. The handle bars twisted sharply to the right and it really pulled hard on my left hand. I had my clutch pulled in slightly and it not only wrenched my thumb, it sprained my left index finger. I still had about 20 minutes to go to the end but I called it quits because it hurt to pull in the clutch. Just by looking at my hand you can't tell I did anything to it. After 16 years of marriage I knew my husband was thinking I was a "wuss" but he wasn't about to say anything.

I do think my husband misses me riding with him and the boys when I can't go. When he gets home he tells me about all the things i would have enjoyed if I had been able to go. Although I don't know your BF, maybe he really missed having his best friend there. I'm sure things will blow over before you know it.

Good luck and I hope you heal quickly!!
Susan E.

 

[NVR FNSH]

Stretch & warm-up BEFORE riding that killer uphill - been there done that up Sled Ridge at Middle Creek too many times.

I ride with a group that consists of several couples - they know who they are - and I usually ride sweep because I like to. It's absolutely amazing how much better most of the woman (I'm not generalizing - it just happens to be the case with this group that the women aren't as fast as the men) ride when their BF/Husband is out in front of the group and not watching her ride. I can offer advice/encouragement or even the occassional 'wuss' comment without any retribution - I'm married but my wife doesn't like to ride with a large group. I've been cussed at, hit with fists and bikes (you know who you are.....) cried on etc - BUT the girls have improved their riding because they toughed it out w/o a significant other 'helping'.

Brian

 

[Michelle]

Stacy, we need to find you someone to ride with ;) I hate riding with my husband but enjoy having the odd ride with one of his friends (not too often, they're all quick and I hate having them wait for me).

Maybe he was worried if he sympathised with you, you'd fall to pieces? I dunno how guys' minds work (except the in-the-gutter bit, but they're all the same).

I'd get my head checked out if I were you, a brain shake isn't something to be laughed off & can lead to serious problems (also, if you landed on your head, get a new helmet, even if the other one's only a ride old).

He obviously does care or he wouldn't have phoned. Tell him to stop being a macho pig & it's okay to show concern sometimes. ;)

Relax, have fun & keep smiling & good luck :) Be proud of what you've accomplished, don't dwell on what you haven't mastered. Oh & swap bikes with him so he realises he should be proud of you :)

 

[Sourstraw]

Thank you for all of your advice - I really appreciate that!!! I definitely think I need to ride with somebody else. Actually, under the inspiration from my posting and your replies, I had a little talk with the man in question (aka my boyfriend), and I told him that I felt insecure about riding with him because of what had happened, and I suggested that I should go riding without him for a change, and he said that would be fine. So that is a good start, now I just need to find some people to go with - I actually have two friends (a couple) that ride all the time up at Tower City (have any of you ever ridden there?)... that is where I had my crash... I don't mind Tower City, but it is literally 100% rocks - basically, you are just praying to make it up the hills, because they are so technical. The first time I ever went there was only the 4th time I had ever gone riding, and I didn't fall at all. I don't know what happened the second time - I was just out of sorts. There aren't many places to ride around here in Pennsylvania - I really like riding on the track, but the only ones around here are pretty far away, and my bike is not really set up for that.

When I talked to Aaron (my boyfriend) yesterday he told me that he felt like I had given up, and I told him that he was completely wrong - I was frustrated and angry with myself for falling - I didn't give up at all.... one of my four falls (not including the really bad fall) was quite dramatic... I was going up a VERY steep hill that looked basically like a dry rock riverbed - and of course, I'm flooring it on my bike, because it has no power... and this herd of quads comes lumbering down the hill in my way, distracts me, and I tipped over and my bike fell ontop of me and smooshed me into the rocks. Meanwhile, I might add that a guy on a quad was sitting RIGHT (I mean, 6 inches away) from me at a complete stop, and I obviously couldn't pick the bike up as it was crushing my legs, and he just SAT there!! But the moral to that story is that after I got up, I got right back on my bike and finished going up the hill - I didn't ask Aaron to do it for me, or anything like that. But that is besides the point... He said that he was used to having completely "clear" rides (i.e. nobody falling). Now, I told him that was bogus, because I only fell about 4 times, which I didn't think was that big of a deal to begin with, considering it was my 5th time ever riding. He told me that he would be more supportive next time... we'll see what happens. I at least think that he should acknowledge the fact that it is nothing short of a miracle that I am able to keep up with riders who have new 125 cc and 250 cc bikes. It looks like it is time for the beloved "Yami" to take its final courtsey and be replaced with a new bike. :)

But thank you all for your advice, I really appreciate it. Also, I asked him about the arm problem as well - would it make sense for me not to grip the handle bars so tight? I feel like I have to on my bike, or I will completely loose control.... but I think I am gripping so hard that my cells aren't respirating, so there is just a tremendous build up of lactic acid, and that is why it happens (ooh yes, my pre-medical education pays off). Any ideas?

Ciao to all, even though I don't post all the time, I love reading everybody's messages!!! :)

Stacy

 

[KelvinKDX]

Stacy - it sounds to me like you are a real determined rider. I've logged many hours riding with my ex-wife and enjoyed it more than riding at warp speed with my buddies. It made her and i best friends. Hopefully your bf will appreciate that and want to spend time riding with you and helping you hone your riding skills. That RT is a pretty heavy bike - i feel for you there.

You should give him a break once in a while - he may be expecting you to get up the learning curve faster than you feel comfortable. Help him to realize that. If he isn't willing to ride at your level then find other riding partners. Remember - he will treat you this way in other aspects of your life as well.

#1 - riding is supposed to be FUN! The better you get the more challenges you will look for - so it isn't necessarily easier as you get better - just more fun!!

Hey - you live in West Chester - my parents used to live in Broomall.

 

[XRpredator]

I wish my ol' lady would ride. :whiner:

 

[GETMETOCA]

I've been cussed at

:p You loved it, or you wouldn't keep volunteering to sweep.

 

[NVR FNSH]

:p You loved it, or you wouldn't keep volunteering to sweep.

Never said I didn't enjoy it.... Just keep feeding me and you can cuss at me all you want :p

Brian

 

[The Ant]

Stacy,
Bleeding from your mouth and nose plus a black eye after a head injury are really strong indications of a concussion and a good case for going to the doctor straight away. If your brain swells you could die. Usually it doesn't and you don't, but still. There are times to be extra careful and that is one of them. You probably should send the helmet back to the manufacturer and have them check it to be sure its still protecting your noggin.

That said, glad you're okay! Riding with SO's is really great, but even the most supportive one can use some time off and going with a group where you have other folks at your same speed will be good for both of you. Like Brian said and I've noticed in particular, sometimes you're able to "hear" something more clearly from some one other than your bf, even tho they may be saying the same thing.

And just generally on the arm pump, I think most of that is learning to relax your hands - I used to get blisters on my finger-to-palm joints I held on so tight...and your weightlifting should help, not hinder your arm strentgh.

Good luck, have fun, sounds like you're doing really well.
SusanP.
BBR230
CRF250x(almost)

 

[E-Ticket]

When I talked to Aaron (my boyfriend) yesterday he told me that he felt like I had given up, and I told him that he was completely wrong - I was frustrated and angry with myself for falling - I didn't give up at all.... one of my four falls (not including the really bad fall) was quite dramatic ........
He said that he was used to having completely "clear" rides (i.e. nobody falling). Now, I told him that was bogus, because I only fell about 4 times, which I didn't think was that big of a deal to begin with, considering it was my 5th time ever riding. He told me that he would be more supportive next time... we'll see what happens. I at least think that he should acknowledge the fact that it is nothing short of a miracle that I am able to keep up with riders who have new 125 cc and 250 cc bikes. .......

..... would it make sense for me not to grip the handle bars so tight? I feel like I have to on my bike, or I will completely loose control.... Any ideas?
Stacy

hmmmmmm.....let's see now.... what would be the most politically correct way to say this. Nope, can't think of any *easy* way to say this, so here goes.

(rant on)

Stacy, if and when you ride again with your boyfriend, and he's starts giving you a hard time... for what ever reason... but especially for calling you a wuss or something derogative because you are suffering from a bad crash...

.... just bluntly and matter-of-factly tell him to "...go pound sand in your a**., you jerk...." :think:

I'm sorry, but the way he treated was totally out of line and he should be ashamed for having his head up where the sun never shines.

I ride with a wide range of guys w/ different abilities. From beginners to experts to ex-factory racers. And as a guy, I won't even put up with that from a fellow riding buddy. If I ever got treated like that, told that, I'd turn my bike around in a heart beat and be GONE. I would also never ride with that jerk again. Maybe *over* but never with....

Geez, I just get pissed all over again just sitting here thinking about it. :|

A) He (as your guide and mentor) should never take you in dangerous riding areas/trails that are way above your ability or comfort zone.
B) If he does, then it's his responsiblity to help you through/to survive those areas
C) When someone crashes hard/is injured -- then all bets are off. You don't call someone names -- you take care of them! Because you never know when it's your turn to crash hard and it's your turn to be hauled home.
D) Bad crashes/injuries are dangerous. You can have a concussion (which greatly affects your judgement or awareness) and/or have internal bleeding. Both can *kill* quickly without any real big notice that it's going on until it's too late.

E) And obviously, "what's-his-face" has:
== hasn't had a bad crash and had to rely on others to take care of him
== forgotten how bad/dangerous he was when he started out. (and yes, we all are... most just "tend to forget")

Find someone else to ride with. If with him, lay down some riding rules and attitudes.... FIRST.

Susan will tell you that I yell at her. Yes, I occassionally do. But it's along the lines of "pick up your feet... more gas... MORE GAS!" and trying to be heard over her screaming engine. (grin) As in, *trying* to help her to get through a bad section more easily.
...But it is *NEVER* belittling, a put-down, or derisive.

And if possible, find something you're really good at that he sucks at -- and show him how it feels. :p

And if that doesn't work -- let us know. Susan and I will come ride with you and show what proper, suportive riding partners are like. :thumb:

Sincerly, RandyB

(rant off)

 

[bbbom]

Thank you Randy for saying what needed to be said.

Sourstraw, like E-Ticket said, EVERYONE sucks when they start riding and it is the host's duty to pick appropriate trails and to take care of the people they take riding.

If he expects you to have a "clear ride" he's nuts! People that I know that have been riding for 20 years don't have "clear rides"! Maybe he needs to think back to when he started riding.

Karl (my boyfriend) has been dragging me through trails for the past 4 years BUT I know he wouldn't take me anywhere that is too difficult for me. AND, if we get to a section that really is too much for me he is willing to take the bike for me. About the only time he's had to do this is when I'm just too worn out to safely tackle it.

Yes, he does yell at me sometimes, out of frustration, fear for my safety or just so I can hear above the noise of the bike BUT he has never put me down for failing to ride as well as he does or as well as he thinks I should. When we go with faster riders, he heads out and rides with them and then hangs back with me for a bit (I think he needs the rest :thumb: ) then goes ahead again. It's a balance thing - he's having fun but since he brought me, he feels responsible for me and I know he's not going to leave me for bear bait.

We have taken many many beginner riders on rides and we always treat them the same way pick appropriate trails and help them with any difficult sections. It is very gratifying to see beginners improve their skills and build confidence in their riding but they can only do that if they can trust the guide.

My son is now 11 and a very good rider BUT because he remembers us following him, picking him back up, starting his bike, helping him get it back on a trail, down a hill, whatever - he is an excellent teacher. He is patient even with his little sister. The kid will help anybody that wants to ride and he would never put them down for not riding as well as he does. Now if they are a good rider, he know's it's fine to talk smack but not to someone learning.

Maybe you should let your boyfriend read this thread? It may help him to get a perspective on how to go about teaching an SO how to ride. If that doesn't work, send him in here and we'll help 'splain it to him!!! :flame: :thumb:

 

[E-Ticket]

Amen, sister...!!! :thumb:

Truth be told -- I'm enjoying riding with Susan more than with my standard riding buddies.

With them, it's how fast/how far can you go or really, really rough terrain. They jokingly refer to them as "death rides."

With Susan, the pace is great, I *actually* get to see/enjoy some of the countryside we're riding through, we get to stop and check out the view, and we her/me/us are tired we take a break or head back to the truck.

And... she is getting so much better - that her pace is rapdily approaching my comfortable, have-fun, cover ground pace.

Boys....."bah!..." Who needs 'em. :laugh:

Cheers! - RandyB

P.S. One one ride, I fell backwards down this steep hill and the bike rolled over me and ended up pinning my boot against a tree.... with me hanging upside-down pointing down the hill.

I wasn't hurt at all -- and I would have *eventually* got myself free. But I was pretty dang stuck! I was *real* glad to see Susan come back and help "me." And lordy, lordy.... did it ever make her day! :yeehaw:

She spent the next two weeks telling every riding buddy we had about how "she had to rescue me....." (grin) - rb

 

[srellis]

how "she had to rescue me....." (grin) - rb

I think women rescue men more than they realize!!! :laugh:

SusanE

 

[E-Ticket]

I think women rescue men more than they realize!!! :laugh:

SusanE

<ROFLMAO...!>

If you are referring to my last relationship.... you would be correct!! :) - rb

 

[pinball]

I like riding with girls!

 

[firecracker22]

I've done the hanging upside down thing with my boot pinned between my bike and a rock. Karl witnessed that one, I think Lori was further down though. Remember that? That was on that little switchbacky trail after the river trail last Mem day.

I've rescued a guy once or twice--most notably, after he tried to ride his bike up his 2x6 ramp into his lifted pickup, and the ramp fell down. It was too funny. My friend Wendy and I were sitting on our tailgate watching, waiting for him to ask as he's dangling half in and half out of his truck and no way to get up or down. He looked around the parking lot, rocked it back and forth a couple times, and finally asked. It was GREAT.

I got yelled at in the beginning. I got to the point where I yelled back! A lot! Sometimes I even started yelling first but that's not necessarily a good thing.

Anyway, have him read this thread if you can. Good luck and hang in there.

 

[E-Ticket]

I've done the hanging upside down thing with my boot pinned between my bike and a rock....

"why, yassuh....I have always depended upon the kindness of strangers..."

:) - rb

 

[bbbom]

I miss all the good incidents FC22! My best sloth immitation was a couple years ago on Mica.

Karl & I headed out for a little scoot from the house. He decided we needed to take a nice little trail alongside a creek. We had found it the weekend before when a bunch of people had joined us and at that time they all refused to take the creekside trail something about "that's just stupidl!!!".

Karl & Krazy Timmy rode it and hooked up with us later so Karl insisted we needed to try it this time. The trail was basically a narrow sliver that ran along a the top of a 6 - 7' deep creekbed that had just a little trickle of a stream in it on the right and a steep vertical bank on the left side. It wasn't too bad until I got to the section where the creek bed had washed out a bit so there was all of 8" of trail between the bank on the left and the creekbed on the right.

Karl was just up ahead watching & waiting. I went to cross, tried to dab on the left and tipped over to the right. As I fell, I looked down at the rocky creekbed below and thought "damn, this is really going to hurt." Next thing I knew, I was floating gently above the creekbed with my bike just laying on top of me.

I had tipped over onto a small tree and some big bushes and they were holding my bike and myself up. I yelled at Karl, who was composing himself from his fit of laughter to "hurry up before the tree breaks!!!"

He ran over to me, figured out that he couldn't pick the bike up because of the proximity to the bank on the left so he jumped down into the creekbed and tried to push the bike up off of me. Because the creekbed was so deep, he couldn't get much lift for the bike so he pushed it up enough for me to roll onto my back and shove the bike off with my feet. It was hilarious, thanks to the tree and the bushes!!
:worship:

 

[Sourstraw]

Wow, thank you all for being so supportive and helpful - it is great to have such positive place to discuss this. I agree with you all - Aaron (aka evil boyfriend... j/k) really was very out of line, and he agrees as well... he says he was just frustrated and didn't know what to do. The fact of the matter is - the first time we went to Tower City, by some miracle, I didn't have any falls at all - seriously, though, it was a miracle. I have NO idea how I survived on my bike literally flooring it up a hill filled with bolders the size of milk gallons and larger. I think he was expecting, since I survived the first time, that I would be OK the 2nd time around - NOT THE CASE!!! The trails are just way too technical for my bike and my skill level (most of the people there ride on ATV quads anyway). Mentally, I am extremely determined - I will definitely push myself to the edge - but I'm also smart enough where I realize the point between being stupid and being brave. (as an aside point - I am also a classical violinist (go figure!) so I have to be even MORE careful not to break my arms or hands!!!) I think I am doing really well for an "advanced beginner" rider. I have ridden at a track before and I go over small doubles and table tops and I have tackled terrain with riders who have 10+ years of experience on a bike that might choke at any minute. After reading all of your comments, I feel a lot better about myself - I just need Aaron to realize that he has to reinforce support, or I'm never going to get any better. I've got two goals this year - one is to do a wheelie on the RM 125 and the other is to jump a medium sized double.... ha ha, that should be interesting.

I might have to take some of you up on your riding offers - even if it means traveling a lot... I think I need to diversify a bit with my riding partners. Another problem with Pennsylvania is a MAJOR lack of riding spots. You either have severely rocky terrain, one track, or illegal spots near train tracks. I watch Crusty Videos all the time and I just DROOL at some of the places those people get to ride... no FAIR!!!

I haven't had a first ride of the season yet - except for the fact that I have a 10 acre field next to my house and I ride around in circles in the field when I come home from a stressful day at work.... so we will see what happens to the confidence level when I go out for the first time. Hopefully an improvement!! I think it this an awesome sport - I am completely and utterly obsessed with riding... (I also have my street liscense, but not street bike YET) I just want to enjoy it to the fullest, and I don't want to have a nagging insecurity preventing me from enjoying myself.

Now I'm saving up for a new bike - hopefully I'll be able to get that soon, and maybe that will improve my confidence a bit.

I love reading your input, thank you again!

Stacy

 

[E-Ticket]

..... I think I am doing really well for an "advanced beginner" rider. ....... I just need Aaron to realize that he has to reinforce support, or I'm never going to get any better. ....... Another problem with Pennsylvania is a MAJOR lack of riding spots. .......Stacy

Duh.... we all think you are! :thumb:

Absolutley!
And your third goal is to have evildorkhead one day say, " ...wow.... you've really improved! You know, I really sorry I was such a butthead in the beginning -- can you ever forgive me?"

Okay. So maybe that won't happen. :)

We'll try to remember you Stacy the next time we're bitching about the mud and rain out here in Pacific NW.

Start saving your pennies to fly out Reno Nevada next Valentines Day weekend in 2005 for the "4th Annaul DRN Ladie's Valentine Day Ride."

http://dirtrider.net/forums3/showthread.php?t=92863

We'll get you lined up with a bike and
you will have the time of your life. :yeehaw:

Cheers! - RandyB

 

[Sourstraw]

I just looked at the pictures from that Valentine's Day Ladies ride... all I can say is WOW WOW WOW WOW!! I would give ANYTHING for terrain like that... oh my gosh, I can't even believe that I still live in Pennsylvania. Seriously, if I can save up, and somebody will loan me a bike, I'll go - that would be awesome!!

I seriously cannot believe how beautiful that terrain is, and how much fun it would be to ride there - I am SO jealous!!! You would all laugh if you see the one spot where I ride - a semi illegal soot basin near railroad track. There are probably about 3 miles TOTAL of trails, and the big excitement of the ride is going through a 15ft. long "section" of whoops.

Geez, I am in heaven just looking at those pictures... and I can't believe what I am missing. It sounds like a riding vacation is in order. Any suggestions?

Ciao,
Stacy