BEST COMEBACKS OF 2003
Comeback #1: The Flight Attendant
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket. He opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." (rimshot)
Comeback #2: The Grocery Store Stock Boy
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." (rimshot)
Comeback #3: The Speeding Ticket
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Comeback #4: The Low Bridge
A truck driver was driving along the freeway and passed a road sign that read, "LOW BRIDGE AHEAD." Before he knew it the bridge is right ahead of him and he got stuck under the bridge. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived. The cop got out of his car, walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver replied, "Nope. I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." (rimshot)
Comeback #5: The Teacher
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and with a professorial tone, said, "Well, I guess you'll have to write the exam with your other hand." (rimshot)
Comeback #1: The Flight Attendant
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket. He opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub." (rimshot)
Comeback #2: The Grocery Store Stock Boy
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." (rimshot)
Comeback #3: The Speeding Ticket
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Comeback #4: The Low Bridge
A truck driver was driving along the freeway and passed a road sign that read, "LOW BRIDGE AHEAD." Before he knew it the bridge is right ahead of him and he got stuck under the bridge. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived. The cop got out of his car, walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver replied, "Nope. I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." (rimshot)
Comeback #5: The Teacher
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and with a professorial tone, said, "Well, I guess you'll have to write the exam with your other hand." (rimshot)
