Friday Humor

[desert_racer]

Associated Press News Bulletin

In an apparent "copy cat" act, Polish terrorist Stashu
Ben Ladenski hi-jacked the Goodyear Blimp this morning.

So far, he has bounced off five buildings.
:confused:

 

[RM_guy]

That's a good one. Here are a few more...

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

"I'd love to be six again" she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the death Slide, the screaming Loop, the wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonalds they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and
collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and lovingly asked, " Well dear, what was it like being six again?

One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size"

The moral of this story is: If a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.
------------------------------------
During his sermon one Sunday, the local preacher told his congregation that the entire range of human experience could be found in the Bible.

He confidently stated, "If anything can happen to humans, it is described somewhere in the Bible."

After the service, a woman came up to the preacher and said, "Reverend, I don't think the Bible mentions anything about PMS."

The preacher told the woman he was certain he could find a reference to PMS somewhere in scripture.

During the following week, he searched diligently, book-by-book, chapter-by-chapter and verse-by-verse.

On the following Sunday, the woman came up to him and asked, "Did you find any references to PMS in the Bible?" The preacher smiled, opened his Bible and began to read, "...and Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."
-----------------------------------------
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole.

He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it slices into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right
beside him. "Goodness," says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awakening, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square.

I am a leprechaun, and I will grant you three wishes."

The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks to himself "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."

A few weeks later the Irishman is out golfing again. As he's walking to the 16th green, he hears a voice calling him from the woods. He walks over, and sees the leprechaun again. He asks how his head is feeling.

The leprechaun says, "Oh, I'm fine. And might I ask how your golf game is?"

The golfer says, "It's funny you should ask, but it's been amazing. It seems I can't miss anymore!"

"I did that for you," responds the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?"

"Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a twenty dollar bill" he replied.

The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you too. And might I ask how your love life is?"

Now the golfer looks around, as if to be sure that no one else can hear, and says in a low voice, "Well, it's been okay."

"Just okay?" the leprechaun asks. "How often do you have sex?"

"Oh, maybe once or twice a week."

Floored the leprechaun stammers, "Only once or twice a week?"

The golfer replies, "Well, that's really quite a lot for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

 

[desert_racer]

ROFLMAO !!!!!

Thanks, I needed a lift this morning.

 

[fatherandson]

:) :) :)

I have to print these so I can share them.
Thank you...my Monday just got better!!!