Friday Humor!

[whyzee]

You gotta love the Honesty of a Drunk

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a
quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of
romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier. He said, "You must be single." The woman, a bit startled
but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked at her six items on
the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections
she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how
on earth did you know that?"



The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

 

[Philip]

:laugh: :laugh:

 

[slo' mo]

good one :laugh:

 

[biglou]

:laugh:

 

[bclapham]

A man goes into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. He orders a pint and looks over to the ostrich " what would you like ". "I'll have a pint ". He looks over to the cat " what would you like ". " I'll have a beer but i'm not paying ". The bartender serves the order and says " that will be 12.65 ". The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly 12.65.
Next evening he goes to the same bar " what'll it be today sir " " double whisky on the rocks please " He looks at the ostrich " what will you have " " i'll join you in a whisky " He looks over at the cat " what will you have " " a beer but i aint paying " That will be 21.95 " says the bartender. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly 21.95.
Next day he visits again and the bartender asks " i was wondering why no matter what the price you always have the exact amount in your pocket ". " Well " says the man " when my grandmother died she left me an old lamp and when i rubbed it a genie popped out and granted me three wishes and the first one was that i always had the correct money in my pocket for anything i wanted to buy " "That's brilliant " said the bartender " You'll never run out of money, what else did you wish for "
" A bird with long legs and a tight ***** ".

 

[bclapham]

ooops- hit the rev limiter!:)

 

[High Lord Gomer]

LOL!

 

[jmics19067]

:laugh: :laugh:

 

[MDA]

I told the ostritch and cat joke to my parents at a restaurant on Saturday night. They darn near split themselves laughing. I must have spoken too loudly because a couple at a table behind us were roaring too.

I'm going to have to keep that one in mind. Its a winner.....

-Mark-