How to motivate ungrateful son.

dell30rb · Jul 8, 2002

I have a cousin who is exactly the same way. He sounds almost like your kid.

He is very overweight (my dad estimates 40 lbs overweight) and he just wont do anything. He is as spoiled as can be. His current posessions include, A PS2, A Bass Guitar, A 2001 Xr80, a 2000 Pw80 (4 sale), a $450 dirtboard (really really sweet), and a whole bunch of other crap that he hasnt paid 1 cent for. He is a nice kid, but whines and bitches and is a complete wuss.

This really frustrates me. I taught him how to ride, and he rode relitavely well, (even for being that fat) and then managed to somehow have an accdient in his backyard and break a small bone in his leg. (only 4 week recovery time). Now he wont do anything. His mom bought him that $450 dirtboard about a week ago. And he hasnt even ridden it (even though he begged her for it). It makes me want to knock him down and roost him. I just dont understand how someone could think they could do anything (he thinks he is the best at just about everything). And now he wont even get near his bike. He dosent have a father, so I basically am the closest thing to it (he is only 12).

I really wish I could motivate him to come with me to the gym everyday and workout, and get him on a diet. He is young, and hasnt always been a tub so if he gets motivated he could shed those pounds quickly, and get back into an active lifestyle. It would be really nice to have another young jedi to train in the ways of the dirtbike.

P.S., eater, I learned too drive in a mercedes too! (no kidding). Although I may be spoiled, I am greatful for my posessions and keep them in the best of shape. I also do odd things around the house, and pay for my bike, and gas and such.

YZThumper · Jul 8, 2002

In all the activities you mentioned your son is into (dirt bike, mountain bike, vert ramp, guitar & video games), which one does he stick too and enjoy? Video Games. Why? Because the other 4 activities are much more difficult to be good at and the failure is more public. When I fail at a video game, it's not often anyone is around to see, and I can hit the reset button and soon enough I will have mastered the game. There is no embarassment or injury in failing at a video game. I don't think we whines because he is ungrateful, but instead it's a way of making excuses. I think yout son like most young boys, aspires to be great at everything he does. When faced with an activity he finds difficult to master he makes excuses and avoids the activity. I know I used to be this way as a kid. I think your son needs a small taste of success and he will finds it suits him. The fact that he whines is actually a good thing, believe it or not. When you son stops talking to you about these things all together, it's time to worry. There are probably thousands of ways to mentor a child and encourage them, so I'm not going to pretend to know the best method. It's important to teach a child that failure is not always a bad thing. The way we learn many times is to try, fail, learn from our mistake and try again. I can't remember the exact quote; "Tis far better to try and failed than to never have tried at all".

Jaybird · Jul 9, 2002

Bob,
LOL...I could have written that post for you! I have almost the exact same situation and it gripes my butt. I too was a kid with a streetbike that had knobbies. :) I know exactly your passion!

Best I can offer is to STAY CONSISTANT.

If I ever make it up to Montana, I'll gladly ride with you on the figure-8 :)

70 marlin · Jul 9, 2002

Buddy, you suck, and have no riding talent". Because frankly, he's not good and has no riding talent

Be a duck! some time dads have to let them grow up at there own rate. Invite over the little guy with the ttr and let shame take over.

Lew · Jul 9, 2002

Stormer96'
I know how you feel. My son and I seem to be at odds with each other from time to time as well. I have spoiled my children along the way as many of us have. It is an easy trap to fall into. We all want a little more for our children than we had. I happen to be in a position that allows me to provide my children with neat stuff too. My son got his brand new kdx 200 while his friend was attempting to assemble a 1980 yz125 without any help from his father. What I do do with my children is make them responsible for certain chores around the house. If they do not do the chores I do them and then they lose a priviledge/event/etc. I have had to wonder at times what goes through their heads, for example my son once had 15 minutes to tell me why he could not take out the trash, which would of taken all of 2 minutes to do. I do not allow my kids to play video games during the daylight hours. They can go out and do something constructive. Like someone mentioned earlier, if one of them tells me they are bored or "there is nothing to do" I quickly find an easy chore for them and after that they usually are off doing something with their friends. It is tough to find the balance between letting your kids be kids and teaching them responsibility, but you can do it and every childs needs are different. As for the riding aspect I think that enrolling in a riding school (you and your son) would be an excellent experience for the both of you. It will allow him to find his own strengths and weaknesses with instruction from a 3rd party source to learn from. If after that he does not like riding, maybe he needs something different. I am thankfull that my son LOVES to go riding. We plan trips and every few months we load up the travel trailer and our bikes and we will go somewgere for 4 or 5 days and ride. I involve him in all aspects of planning the trip, have him wrench his own bike, I think this helps build his self confidence.
Lew

Rockey5000 · Jul 9, 2002

dell and yzeater- this is wierd i also learned to drive in a benz (ML500), but my parents didn't pay a cent for my bike, I had to save for 7 years. And I was happy to do it.

LaRider20 · Jul 9, 2002

A $3000.00 Mtn. bike?
Two dirtbikes?
If he were just giving you lip, and being an a-hole, that's an easy fix...just bust his ass. But whiny and negative?? I like JMD's advice.

dell30rb · Jul 9, 2002

Hey! you own stormer hobbies! thats pretty cool. I've ordered a bunch of stuff from y'all before

Damager · Jul 9, 2002

when i was 13 i had to work myass off just to get my dad to get a dirtbike and it as like a 1972 185 the thing was a heavy beast ,and i ended up being super happy with it ,,untell i got older and got in some deep **** and my dad sold it and from then on i just rode my friends dirtbikes ,and then yesterday i bought my self a husky cr430 for cheap(first dirtbike not older then me) ,,so like someone said before make him work for his toys

jeffd · Jul 9, 2002

Originally posted by yzeater
Let me give my comments. I'm a 15 year old boy, and I kinda know what your son is going through. .....(snipped) .... You'll never know if this will be your last summer ever with the family.
Hope this helps
-Stephen

That was a heck of a post coming from a 15 yr. old. Very well stated yzeater.

As the father of 3 boys I will agree. Positive reinforcement is good. Constructive criticism is good. Sometimes you have to make light of a subject to open a kid's eyes. My son took a minor spill on his new TTR-125. He became afraid of it. I gave him some love and time to "recover" and in the mean time he got to watch his brothers ride and have fun. I approached him and confronted his fear with some humor. I told him he better stop playing hockey because he might get hurt, we better sell his bicycle because he might get hurt, no more trampoline because.... you get the picture. He started laughing about his attitude and was racing his brother on his TTR again within minutes.

As for being ungrateful - I just remove the items that they are ungrateful for. Plain and simple. If they don't want it I can find plenty of kids who do. I have done this and the threat is real and they know it. I also have had my kids involved in charity work. Once they see how the other half lives it really opens their eyes to just how good they have it as well as teaches them about how giving makes other people happy. Ever spent a Christmas holiday day in the barrio where there are 15 people living in a 3 room house? I have and so have my kids... Much to be learned by the power of giving.

Just my $00.02 worth and some change.

-jeffd

Zoomer · Jul 11, 2002

YZ, you hit it right on the head! ;)

Boodac · Jul 11, 2002

Man that sounds so familiar. I swear if you replaced his son with my daughter you would have the exact same story. I have to laugh though. My daughters friends always joke about how she was born with a golden spoon in her mouth. Of course most of that started after dad bought her a brand new YZ125. Of course like most things, its like pulling teeth to get her to clean her bike after a few rides. She likes working on it, but cleaning it is another story. Im thinking its a teenage thing and that us parents are spoiling our kids too much. I bet if you were to take a poll, you would find that most of us that grew up with out all these things as kids tend to make the mistake of being to generous as adults. I guess its the notion that we want better for our kids. Either way, like a lot of you, Im trying to survive my kids teenage years.

motox757 · Jul 11, 2002

Sounds like you want a drastic change in your son.

YZThumper hit it on the head IMO. Take away the video games only (no TV either, unless it is with the family), for a period of time. Leave everything else in place. The motorcycles, the bikes, etc... Invite him to go riding (when you can ride) and in the mean time, tell him you will take him to the local track/trails whenever you can take him.

Sometimes you have to take drastic measures to have drastic change...

joey26 · Jul 11, 2002

HI, i'm 15
it sounds like you spoil him too much, don't let himsit inside and play video games all day make him get out and mow the lawn, clean the garage, wash the cars and dirtbikes. Thats what my dad did with me and now being inside is like being in hell. Seven weeks ago i broke both my arms riding and am pretty much stuck inside since i can't do much and i hate it. I'd rather be mowingthe lawn or washing the cars. and when he turns 14 make him get a job (i have two jobs and school) Do like what i said it might be hell for a year or two but in not two long he'll straighten up. Hope this works for ya.

Milquetoast · Jul 11, 2002

That would be a fun experiment for the whole household. Send them all out to the mall for a while and then take every TV out of the house, see what happens. After a week or so, I bet the kid will start doing something constructive.

Jasle · Jul 11, 2002

WE started having problems with my 6 year old wanting to play video games too much. We live in Az so playing outside should not be an issue in my mind. We sacked cable and actually dumped the TV for three months. when we put the tv back in the house its only 25" and rabbit ears only. Now we have an extra $100 a month for racing! It really helped on the house work too. Me and the wife got everything done and read quite a few books. Couldn't ditch the computer though.
Jason

stormer94 · Jul 11, 2002

Thanks for all the replys.

I guess the more I think about it I've realized a few things. Maybe it's like a few of you suggested. Maybe I'm torqued because he's not interested in things I like at the level that I am. Where I would spend every waking hour outside on my bike, that is not as interesting to him.

I guess we need to figure out where his interests are. He's only 13... maybe we put to much pressure on him to make good adult decisions.

I can say that he has given up a few things that he has no idea about. Things have changed for him over the last year. We don't buy him games. If he wants them, he must earn them himself, and by God, he does. And he's a good worker and everybody likes him when he's at the shop working.

Maybe it's not that he's ungrateful. Maybe it's that I'm more upset that he doesn't like my ideas of fun. Here's a 'kick-butt' bike!!! "so?" I thought it was great, my interest. Not as much his, not as much interest. Maybe what I'm taking as ungrateful is really not that at all. He's just not as interested in that as I am. So when I don't see him jumping up in down with glee I take that as a spoiled or ungrateful. when maybe what he's telling me is 'yo, that's nice, for you, but does not interest me the way it does you.

I guess I've taken to heart a few statements. I guess I'm not trying to raise a riding buddy, I'm trying to raise a good person. Man, I hate sounding like a dad... :D

KTA · Jul 11, 2002

i didn't read most of the replies. . .but here is my take on it. .
. . . 13 year olds are brats. . .
. . some kids are not motivated to do ANYTHING. In college one of my good friends would sit home by himself every single night while we all went out and did stuff. . it was rediculous.. ..doesn't sound to me like he is interested in outdoor sports much. .Everyone is interested in something, find something he likes/wants to do, sell his bike/guitar/other crap. . and get him what he needs to occupy his time.. .

Rick1337 · Jul 14, 2002

Just so ya know, I am 15:

I must say that is pretty disgusting. First off a $3000 mountain bike? I must say, WHY? Is he Armstrong? Armstrongs custom made Trek for Tour de France was 3 grand..

If you want him to change, STOP giving him all that stuff and than when you do give him something he will be grateful. BTW, this message is coming from a 15 year old who makes his own cash running his own "bussiness". I don't have ride yet, but when I do get my moto it's going to be with my own cash that I have earned. A kid CAN make some cash, I am going to make 5 grand or more this summer easily by buying and selling paintball gear over the internet. The only time I had to leave my computer is to drop things over at the post office..

My parents are nice and all, but they'd NEVER even consider buying me a 3 grand bike, or anything else that is "top of the line". And it has nothing to do with wealth or anything, it's just not right..

bluerider125 · Jul 14, 2002

i agree totally with rick1337. i am 15 and i am spoiled, but even while i like getting stuff for free, i feel like i dont deserve it. my parents baught us all (me, my brother, my sister) new bikes, (2001 TT-R125Lx2, brother -n- me; 2002 tt-r90, sister) but even while i do feel every bump in the road(weak suspension), i am very grateful for them doing that. today i broke a spoke trying to do a 30' double, (*fyi* i did do it later on, and i am high on life right now because of it;) ) and i am doing the work on it, buying the spoke, and whatnot.

it sounds like you gave him too much, too soon. anyone can make that mistake, and i am sure that i will unconciously do the same thing in a few years, but i am going to put in another vote for Complete Electronic Deprivation (CEP for short.) he will soon see that outdoor/constructive activities will be more appealing to him. i also like the idea someone mentioned about going riding without telling him, and having him see you going and say "hey dad, can i come too?" also have him wrench on the bike while you are wrenching yours, and when he asks "hey dad, whats this do?" you tell him, and if he dosent ask, you ask him. "hey, (son's name), whats this do? if you ask "do you know..." he will be humiliated if he dosent know. but if he pulls the " Gawd, i hate this bike, it sucks, that little kid on a 60 just passed me" then say "well, ya know what? he dosent complain about his bike, he goes out and practices until he's good, you know, better than you. so if you dont want to be shown up by an eight-year-old, you have two choices. either be a quitter and go home, or you can try to get better. if you want to get better, i will help you. if you dont, then just go get in the truck and you can watch me have fun." chances are he will be peed-off and sit and pout in the truck, but next weekend you can pull the "alright, if you think you can be mature about this....." yada yada yada, then you be PATIENT and you will gain his trust. of course it might not work with your son, but it worked with my thirteen-year-old brother, except it was me breaking him down and then building him up. he now tails me around and is getting quite good. i guess its just the thirteenth year that is the most screwy. it was for me and it is for my brother.

holy pickles thats alot of rambling!! sorry about the long post, and may my $0.43 cents help you. ;):)

Milquetoast · Jul 14, 2002

Stormer, I think you already found the major factors. I can't find the post but someone said you may be trying to raise a riding buddy, whether he likes it or not. As you've said, HE has to decide what he is interested in. When he does find that out though, he'll enjoy it more if he has to work hard to get it. (take what I say with a grain of salt though, I have no kids and still see things like I did from the kid's perspective even at 30 y/o) :)

FoxRacing023 · Jul 15, 2002

my god theres alot of 15 year olds on here, i'm 14 and i dont care! i'll be 15 august 7 anyways.

i got a TT-R 125L last year and about a week after i got it i was having 2nd thoughts about this whole dirtbike thing. i was kinda mad that i could barely keep it on 2 wheels and i wanted to be fast. money isn't in great supply around our house so i just figured my mom worked so hard so i could get this, i want to make her happy she did buy it for me. so i was up at 9:30am every day to go riding during the summer and came home at dark. i started beating my 80 rider friends and realised " man this is really fun when i know what im doing" Its human nature to take anything gained easily for granted. "dad i want this" "sure ok son," if its that easy, no wonder he doesnt care about it and would rather just go back to his PS2. this has come up before but most kids take the easy way out. so being able to jump 150ft triples in a game is more satisfying than going outside and practicing your butt off untill you are good enough to jump 150ft triples.
btw, every kid has a natural tendency to hate what their father wants them to do so go figure that if you really want him to ride alot hes going to hate it alot. make him go riding with you and then let him beat you. show him theres hope and maybe that will light the candle with intrest. now im not saying that he should pass you and then go struttin' round the house like king, that is just boatsing and nobody likes that. i hope some of this will help (quite alot for the quick reply)

KaTooMer · Jul 15, 2002

Stormer - one thing that might just get your son to take more interest in learning to ride well: put your 9-year-old on a bike/ATV, let her ride circles around him, and see what happens.

gasgasman · Jul 15, 2002

Looks like you're spoiling the kid. Everytime he wants something you go out and buy it.
Show him tough love, make him earn his toys.

ride_red_15 · Jul 16, 2002

Well, im 15, and i have to say, up until i was about 13 and 1/2, i was the same way as your son. My had been riding bikes all his life, raced Pro ATV's, etc, and always wanted me to ride...but i always took being lazy and spoiled over that. Well, he went out and bought me an XR400...i liked riding, but didnt really like the bike...so he bought me a KDX220...yeah great...LOVE riding, but dont like the bike...so he buys me a CR250. Remember, this is all in the period of 6-7 months...well...he stopped paying for everything then. I now work at a motorycycle shop, make my own money, buy my own stuff, and am an almost B-class woods racer. All it takes is alot of pushing and commitment, and it'll all come thru

How to motivate ungrateful son.

dell30rb

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YZThumper

Jaybird

Apprentice Goon

70 marlin

Lew

Rockey5000

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LaRider20

dell30rb

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Damager

jeffd

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Zoomer

Boodac

motox757

joey26

Milquetoast

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stormer94

KTA

Rick1337

bluerider125

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