How to motivate ungrateful son.

[JJmxr]

I think we all can agree that a 13yo is a little erratic. As far as riding, you either love it or you don't. I also suggest to start thinning out the activities and let the passions rise to the top. Only support those intrests that he takes seriously. As an example mine talked about playing football again this year. He also rides most every day, so it would be pretty tough to practice football, and ride for an hour or two a day. I told him to choose one. He choose to ride, but still thinks he could do both.

 

[yzeater]

How are things going now?

 

[stormer94]

Well, really, he's fine. He's been doing some riding with a buddy and having fun. Not as much fun as I would have though, but fun for him. I suspect that what I'm learning is that we do have differences in taste and opinion. What is fun for me is NOT necessarily fun for him. I'm trying to come to terms with that. Just because I love bikes, doesn't mean he has to, and he might not. BUt what we as parents want to instill our values in our children. I love bikes, SO the values I am willing to instill in my children relate to motorsports. I'm not a camping dad, I'm not a fishing dad. I'm a race dad. My idea of roughing it is a hotel without a pool. And the closest thing I want to experinece to fishing is holding a Fillet of Fish sandwich at McD's.

Like I mentioned above, He doesn't know what he's been missing. A lot of the cashy things he could have been presented with over the last year, he has not been presented with.

I agree with what most of the people are saying. I will also add that if you don't try many different things, you MAY never have the opportunity to find out just what it is that you are looking for.

What if you make your child save up money to buy his or her own bike, so they respect it and appreciate it. What if this takes from the time they are 12 till they are 15. And whey they get it, they find out they don't like to ride (even though they thought they might) and now have wasted 3 VERY important development years of their lives. These are also years that they didn't get to try skateboarding, snow boarding, skiing, BMX, flatland, Mtn biking, musical instruments, or develop skills in reading and writing.

We've got a Yamaha Warrior 4 wheeler. He and his buddies rode the crap out of it. I blew a front rim on it (tring to do some trials stuff) and it's been sitting in the garage ever since. Now, My inital reaction was that "no son of mine is gonna ride quads because he's to lazy or timid to ride 2 wheelers well". "It takes no real skill, compared to a 2 wheeler". "If your gonna learn to ride, do it right". Hmm, Now, looking back, maybe I should have gotten the 4 wheeler fixed right away. Because I don't enjoy as much it doesn't make it wrong. What if 4 wheelers were his thing?

He's a good kid and eveybody likes him. So maybe it is that I need to bend once in a while. =0)

That doesn't mean give in, it means examine the situation more carefully. Wanna mtn bike? Lets see some miles on that old one first. That kind of thing.

 

[Mike198]

Im 16 now, and my parents have made me work for everything, because we're not rich. When I said i wanted to race they said ok, and thought i didnt want to do it. So I saved up and bought myself a bike and payed for my own race fees for the first few times. When i showed them that i wanted it that bad then they started buying me stuff like a new helmet, exc. And they rewarded me for good grades and behavior and if i acted snotty they wold take something away from me. And im really gratefull for that, it has tought me a very valuble lesson in life. And thats to be gratefull for what you have becasue there are people that have less than you.

 

[yzeater]

How's it working?

 

[whyz]

Originally posted by stormer94

I will also add that if you don't try many different things, you MAY never have the opportunity to find out just what it is that you are looking for.

What if you make your child save up money to buy his or her own bike, so they respect it and appreciate it. What if this takes from the time they are 12 till they are 15. And whey they get it, they find out they don't like to ride (even though they thought they might) and now have wasted 3 VERY important development years of their lives. These are also years that they didn't get to try skateboarding, snow boarding, skiing, BMX, flatland, Mtn biking, musical instruments, or develop skills in reading and writing.

It sounds to me like you want to re-live these years for him,
Let him be his own person,let him think for himself,
He'll come around,He'll learn,at his OWN pace.

You need to let it go man, He's not you.

 

[Tony Eeds]

Originally posted by yzeater
How's it working?

I read the entire thread and must say that all the comments from the younger members are very good. Also in particular, yzeater, you are a credit to your upbringing.

I have 28 year old twins and I see my daughter every week or so, and talk to her two or three times a week. Her brother is another story. I talk with him every couple of months and see him once or twice a year. Not to lay blame, but he treats his mother and sister the same way. I know he will return at some point, but it hurts.

Every child is unique and we all have to appreciate and accept the differences, but when the final day comes all we really have that will always be there is our family.

BTW, My daughter will be riding at DW 03 and grandson will be riding at DW 05! :thumb:

 

[diablo682]

I bought my son a dirtbike thinking we would have something new to do together. He was very excited at first, then after a couple rides he decided he didnt like it anymore. Might be because he has a couple good falls on it and was scared. I was upset at first that I had spent all of that money on it and I thought he was being un-appreciative. I sold the bike and decided, well I had spent this money on him so I asked him what he would like to have. He thought about it for a long time and then asked me if I would build him a fort in the back yard. We are having a blast together builing this thing right now. We are bonding more by building this fort than we ever would have with dirtbikes. Gotta really find out what they want before you make any decisions. Maybe he will want to ride in a few years. I hope so.

 

[lawman]

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child!"

W. Shakespeare, King Lear, Act I, scene iv.

 

[yzeater]

It's been a year since the last post. How're things working out for ya Stormer?

 

[stormer94]

I think he's better. He's also older and making better decisions in general. I think he is strarting to notice that his stuff is generally pretty good, and most of his buddies stuff is a shade rougher. I think he is starting to understand maintenance issues better too. He'll tease his buddies about blown fork seals and growing wheat on your air cleaner, and he knows how to do the work, and they come over and work on bikes at our place, or they all meet up here and go ride. I'd rather see five or six 15 year old boys hanging out here at home and wrenching in my garage than the alternatives. We keep the fridge in the garage stocked with soda, help out where required and it seems to work out pretty good. He's got a good group of freinds, we are pretty lucky.

I picked up a ragged out 1982 XR80 ($100), and we have been working on it. Got it running the other night, and he and his buddies put 2 tanks gas through it on Saturday, and they had a blast. Needed some more carb work, so I told him to pull the necessary parts off the bike, then pull the carb and fix it. They got right in the middle of it and are having a great time.

Finding what motivates him is tough. School is important to us. His grades crap out, no bike. To counter this, we told him make the honor role and pull some serious grades this year and there's an XR50 in it for him. THAT has been a HUGE motivator. He showed some progress report thing to us tonight, and he's pulling an A in English, and an A in Science. Looks like I'm gonna be buying an xr50 down the road. ;) Don't kid yourselves, he will have earned it. And I will be quite proud to give it up. (been wanting to trick a 50 for myself too. XR50's aren't as fun if there is only one... heheh)

I'm pretty happy with him right now, he's a good kid, and more importantly, a good human being. He's got a good heart.

-Bob

 

[Okiewan]

Parenting is the toughest thing you'll do in your entire life.. but, if this is true;

he's a good kid, and more importantly, a good human being. He's got a good heart.

you are 90% there.

 

[Teal]

how long did that take you to write

 

[MWEISSEN]

Stormer, I had the same thing with my kids. I've figured out finally that kids will bitch about stuff just because. I've found the best cure for me, and the kid, is to ignore it for the most part. If the bitching is consistent for awhile, then it's probably valid.

Second, my kids didn't appreciate the nice stuff I got them either UNTIL they had to work for it. They don't really have a concept of what you're providing and the effort you put in working to get the money to get them the good stuff.

It used to be every one of my family members had at LEAST one motorcycle and one decent bicycle, as well as other stuff. The kids have found their own way, my oldest son in college still loves bikes, my middle son doesn't, my daught sometimes does, my wife likes her road bike and MG and not dirt bikes. They all find their own way....

 

[katieMS]

I think that maybe you should try taking away the video games (i.e. playstation) during daylight hours. 2nd I think that if he says to you he's bored I think I would find a yard that needs mowed, leaves that need raked, dishes that need done. I think you get my point. When I was growing up we had to work for everything we got doing chores and now I have 2 step daughters that I feel are spoiled because they get an allowance and don't even so much as put the dishes in the dishwasher without being asked and when you ask they roll their eyes. I'm lucky though because other than that they are great kids. I'm tellin ya he will lose the use of the words "I'M BORED" rather quickly.

I'm not a professional but just thought I'd throw my 2 cents in.

P.S. I just started riding, actually yesterday was the first time I've ever been on a bike and was hoping for some riding tips or any tips for that matter. I want to start racing with the TORO organization in dallas, texas soon so HELPPPPPPPP!-------------------------Thanks ~Me

 

[elephantrdr]

Millitary School.