I became a member just to ask a question and hopefully get some advice.

[Just a Housewife]

My husband and I are newlyweds (been married for 9 months). Before we were married, he asked if I would like to go 4 wheeling. (He loves 4 wheelers, motorcycles, race cars, etc.)It's really not my thing but I agreed to go with him (as a passenger). Well, fast forward to this past weekend, when he bought me my own dirt bike. He has talked non stop about getting me my own 4 wheeler pretty much since we got married. I went along with it, pretty much to make him happy and because I was pleased that he wanted me along. The purchase of a dirt bike was spontaneous. He wanted to look at some on his day off and I didn't think he was serious about buying one so soon. (I had told him repeatedly that I don't want a dirt bike, but he convinced that I did so I agreed. First dumb mistake.) So he had me ride it a little that afternoon and the next day and I crashed it twice. The second time, I got totally freaked out because I am dealing with anxiety (he knew about it when we married) and the bike has just made it worse. I am trying so hard to be a good wife and participate in the things he is passionate about but it is not going well. I feel sick just thinking of trying to ride it again but I know I have to because he is going to be making payments on it for the next 3 years. Any advice? I so wish I could rewind the past week and be firmer in my decision to just be a passenger. I just wanted to make him happy and now I've made a mess of things. Help!

 

[Okiewan]

I'm not sure anyone can give you a solid answer, or rather advice for your situation. It's more of a life question than anything else. I'm putting this here so you know someone has read your post and is considering a reply. I need to think about how to best offer an opinion. The situation you're in will draw opinions, for whatever they are worth.

 

[Just a Housewife]

If anyone has tips for helping me overcome my fear of driving by myself, that would be great. I even get scared riding with my husband but reassure myself because I trust his driving skills. I don't trust my own!

 

[Grip_n_ripit99]

What kind of bike is it if you don’t mind me asking? Just asking so I can get an idea of the situation you are in right now?

 

[Just a Housewife]

It's a Honda CRF125. I am 5' tall so it's plenty big for me.

 

[RM_guy]

I give you a lot of credit for trying. I know couples that ride together and it's a real bonding experience so I do hope you can stick with it.

The CRF125 is a good bike to get started on but anything new can be a challenge if it's not approached right. You didn't go into the details of what you were doing when you crashed so I'll just go through a few things to keep in mind the next time you are on the bike. Hopefully you have the right gear. Here's a good thread to look at A list of safety gear for the boys new dirt bikes Having good protection on helps to relive some of the fear of getting hurt and let's you concentrate on riding the bike.

I assume you know how the controls work but it I have found that most new riders will forget everything they were taught and just twist the throttle when get into a sketchy situation. Take the time to rethink what everything does and practice emergency stops and avoidance maneuvers intentionally so it becomes second nature when you really do have to take action. I always tell new riders that if they panic or think they are going to hit something just pull in the clutch. The throttle can be wide open and the bike won't go anywhere. YOU make the bike do things. It won't do something unless you made it happen.

The other thing to keep in mind is to take it slow at first. Sounds kike your husband is experienced and probably rides fast. Don't try to keep up with him. Ride with other beginners if you can so you don't feel pressured. Move at the pace you feel comfortable with and you'll be surprised at how fast you'll improve. I get the anxiety issue. Know that everyone has some level of anxiety that they deal with. I don't care you they are or how confident they feel, everyone deals with it. Don't be afraid to go at your own pace is the best advise I can give.

Also, it's easier said than done but don't be afraid to crash. You'll have all the proper gear (right?) to protect you. I have been riding for over 50 years and I still crash. Mostly its a silly tip over but there can be some harder hits, Again, have the right gear can make the all difference between getting back up and laughing it off or making a trip to the hospital.

Other people will probably chime in with there own thoughts and if I think of something else I'll add it. Riding a dirt bike can be one of the most rewarding things in the world. With a few exceptions, everyone I have ever met that rides dirt bikes are great people and love to help. Don't be afraid to ask for it!

 

[Okiewan]

Excellent advice for beginner's from RM_guy. I'll take the other side of the argument, for what it's worth.

It comes down to this: is he asking too much of YOU to be involved in something HE loves and YOU don't ? I'm sure he feels if you give it some time, you will love the hobby as much as he does. Seems obvious to riders; "this is so great the only way someone could NOT like it is if they've never tried it."

I feel sick just thinking of trying to ride it again but I know I have to because he is going to be making payments on it for the next 3 years.

That was a lack of judgement on his part. 1) It's unfair pressure on you, 2) making a commitment like that on something that you may not enjoy? Not wise and likely a money loser.

I'll bore you with my experience with a similar situation. I convinced my wife that riding was a lot more fun than watching and got her a Yamaha TTR 125L. She was open-minded and eager to learn. We enjoyed the time together on the weekends for a change as I was usually at the track on Saturdays for a lot of years...

Fast forward 3-4 months. Yes, she had her share of get-offs, mostly just tip-overs, but an occasional fall that left a mark and or a tweaked TTR. The minor bumps weren't a big deal to her and she seemed to like riding enough that a scrape here or there was worth it. At least she presented it that way.

Several months later she entered her first race at DirtWeek, in the Women's B class. I kept suggesting that she just concentrate on finishing upright, that in itself would have been a big accomplishment. Long story somewhat shorter, she suddenly got all competitive, rode over her head, but won! Turned out, that was the "Pinnacle of her career".

From there, she rode less and less until finally admitting she just wasn't interested anymore; the time and effort weren't worth it any longer. I was good with that, she gave it a solid chance, but it just wasn't for her. Who was I to argue? We sold her TTR and all her gear.

The point I THINK I'm trying to make is... we do some things for our significant other (as you mentioned), that we may not "love" and sometimes dislike, but do it to make them happy. That's just part of it. BUT, this hobby is a big ask; a lot of time, money, effort and even potential injury. When I suggested she start riding, I *suggested*, with zero pressure. It was her decision to try it or not. It would have been easy for me to be overly excited about it and push her into it, I went into it keeping that in mind. This is one of those asks that fall outside the "I'll do it if it makes you happy" thing.

Finally, I'll commit to an opinion.

If riding is not your thing and more-so if it causes you stress, no one is going to enjoy it. If it exacerbates the anxiety issue, by all means lay it out for him. Seems to me he will realize he jumped the gun and should just lick his wounds and move on. He'll may have to check his ego.

Maybe you go with him from time to time to hang out for a bit? Granted if it's trails / woods riding he rides, it would be pretty boring time in the dirt for you, lol... but if it's MX it would be together time while he takes breaks in the pits. Take a good book and enjoy the outdoors. There are worse things in life.

Pressuring YOU into something YOU don't want to justify buying the bike is a mistake on his part. We all make mistakes, how we fix 'em is what matters.

If "doing something together" was his goal, he'll get over it. Maybe suggest something else you can do together?

Good luck to you in what ever decision YOU make.

 

[RM_guy]

In the back of my mind I was thinking all the things that Okie said. Definitely good things to consider. If you don't mind me being presumptuous I'll give a bit of marital advice. Communicate with your husband, and encourage him to do the same. Let your feelings be known before they become a pent up raging argument. You are early in your marriage and its' easy to say you don't want to upset anyone. Better to nip it in the bud! I used to hold back my frustration and it tore me up inside. When things finally came out, I felt like an idiot for not bringing things up sooner. Always remember why you got married in the first place. When things get tough that always brings me back to a happy place and everything else becomes secondary. It's worked well for me for the past 43 years...sorry for the ramble!!

 

[Okiewan]

sorry for the ramble!!

Ditto.