saving a loved one from self destruction

markdxx · Jan 29, 2002

Have a loved one destroying themselves? (fill in the vice). Are you put off by the pop-psychology and psychobabble solutions? what works in the real world ? Can you help ssomeone who may not be ready or able to help themselves ?

RYDMOTO · Jan 29, 2002

Would you tell me a little more of what your situation is?

markdxx · Jan 29, 2002

substance abuse

fremontguy · Jan 29, 2002

12 step programs work in the "real world". Maybe sugest there's help out there, and here's who we can contact etc. Don't know your situation, probably need to make some phone calls.

kingriz1 · Jan 30, 2002

Mark,

All you can do is try. They have to be willing to help themselves if not its like banging your head against a brick wall. What substance/substances are we talking about here. I can only offer my advice. The substance is important. I need to know if it is physical,physcological or both. How often is the person using? How old? There is a different treatment for each substance. X or pot you can help them with. Pain killers and relaxants like xanax or rohipinol or pain killers you can also help them through Coke or meth and you might need some help. Detox is hell with the latter two and heroin.

How long has this person been using. How long do you think the person has been dependent? Boy or Girl?

There are two very important things to determine. First is what was above. Second is what is going on in the persons life that makes them want to escape so bad? I am gonna risk getting slammed here. But there is a difference between occasional use and habitual use. Though occasional use usually ends in habitual abuse and addiction. Once you find out what is wrong with them emotionally then you can help them see the light.

I can say that no matter what you do. Rehab, lockdown therapy whatever, unless they are ready it is tough.

But then again it is hard to stand by and watch someone you care about destroy themselves.

If you can get me some more info I can try to help.

Sincerely,

Riz

Wattsy_Rules · Jan 30, 2002

It's very difficult to help people who often don't want to be helped or don't understand they have a problem.

In my previous life I dealt with many substance abusers and they usually fell into catagories such as, abused at home (either physically, mentally or sexually), fell into a bad crowd, or just like the feeling of escape. In reaching out, you need to try and find out what the root problem is before you have any chance of beating their habit.

There are many ways to attempt intervention, however, they must want to change themselves before they can be successful. This is an area where you need to get help from professionals. This journey is a long and difficult one and you will need support from family, friends and people who have been through this before and who can guide you down the right path.

Good Luck!

Senior KX Rider · Jan 30, 2002

The power to save themself is within this person. You can try to talk to them but they have to want to be a better person before they have a chance

Papakeith · Jan 30, 2002

My family has seen its share of substance abusers. It can be a horribly painfull thing to watch as someone does this kind of damage to themselves.

Unfortunately, all that you can do is show the person who is in trouble the way out. The best that you can do is give unconditional love to the person(giveing money doesn't equal love).

They are ultimately in charge of whether any of the programs they enter(or are forced to enter) work.

Fe_princess · Jan 30, 2002

I've been going through a similar situation with a family member. She wants to give me every reason why she can't stay clean. I love her but I'm tired of her rhetoric. She has her own path. People have to take responsibility for their own lives! Everyone has their own path and must walk it alone.

BSWIFT · Jan 30, 2002

Tough Love. It works but it is a painful and agonizing thing to do. I did this with a friend, she hasn't spoken to me in about 2 years now. However, thru mutual friends I have heard that she is clean and wants to make amends. I laid a 35 year friendship on the line and I feel it was worth it. It was the only thing I could do and I new the risks. I accepted the consequenses and went on with my life. I would rather have a "former" friend that is alive, than a dead friend any day.:mad:

RYDMOTO · Jan 30, 2002

Mark, why don't you write out on here who the person is in relationship to you.Of course,don't do this if it would be an invasion of privacy.I do believe in comming along side a person in a non-judgemental way would be a great start.Look for the "tender"moments when they are willing to talk.And just be there to listen.You may need to make some phone calls for your own support and somebody to walk you thru this ordeal.If you can.....write your story here and let your feelings out some.That will be helpful in itself.Keep us updated on what you are learning....ok?

markdxx · Jan 31, 2002

Thanks to all DRN members for their sincere responses. I am reluctant to go into too much detail online, but I will offer the following info in the hope it may be useful to others in similar situations. The person in question is a close family member,married with kids.Primary problem is rock cocaine. He has gotten his life into a total mess. Family members asked me if I he could come stay with me to get him out of his "enviroment" hoping this may help him stay clean (he has tried and failed rehab several times before). I thought this constituted running away from his problems and that it would be better if he learned how to cope in the enviroment that he plans to live in. But as I'm sure happens with many families under these circumstances I agreed not knowing what else to do. I have a friend who is a social worker (although not in the substance abuse field) who offered to help. When he arrived we carted him around for 3 days to every clinic and center we could find. He was like a zombie, totally compliant and agreeable to everything, usually falling asleep in the numerous waiting rooms we found ourselves in. Knowing nothing about cocaine addiction I was surprised to find that all the not-for-profit centers , of course he has no insurance, we consulted don't accept cocaine addicts for detox. We were told they usually just sleep through the first week and don't suffer the same kind of physically dangerous withdrawl as heroin users for example. Of course all the for-profit centers said he required immediate intake as long as a family member would agree in writing to assume financial responsibility. Talk about a guilt trip. Since he had failed rehab before I knew this was not wise: why mortgage more lives? Still a very tough position to be in. Finally after 3 days we found a place willing to take him since he had been clean for 3-4 days plus the 2 days until his intake, which he pretty much slept through non-stop. He walked out of rehab 2 days in. He thinks he can handle it himself, but his life has been spiraling downard ever since. He is destroying so many lives and hurting everyone that cares about him. ...no happy ending here. Thanks for allowing me the forum to vent. Thanks to DRN for the much needed pleasant diversion.

MikeT · Jan 31, 2002

Originally posted by Fe_princess
Everyone has their own path and must walk it alone.

Everyone chooses their own path but they don't have to walk it alone. As has been said here, there is help out there and up there(if you know what I mean). All you/they have to do is ask.

RYDMOTO · Jan 31, 2002

Hello Mark,Just a note here to you that I am praying for this family member of yours.I have many praying friends and I will ask them to pray also.Expect results!....my favorite saying..."Mans extremity is God's opportunity" hang in there my friend and its refreshing to see a caring heart : )

kingriz1 · Jan 31, 2002

Well he has to know it is a fight he has to fight every minute of every day. With faith and a lot of willpower and determination he can beat this.

The problem as you will see ( I pray not but...) is when they relapse. Envoiroment has a lot to do with the situation but he might hook up with some crack heads where you live then what?

Rock is some mean stuff. I pray for both of you.

Sincerely,

Riz

Michelle · Feb 1, 2002

Good luck to you & your family. I agree that it has to come from within.
There's a place that may be able to help you & him - www.crackrecovery.com
As for having to do it alone - there's always help/support, all you ever have to do is ask.
Good luck again, and hope that addy helps
Michelle

saving a loved one from self destruction

markdxx

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markdxx

fremontguy

kingriz1

Wattsy_Rules

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Fe_princess

BSWIFT

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RYDMOTO

markdxx

MikeT

RYDMOTO

kingriz1

Michelle

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