Suggestions for Dad?!?

i have a 12 year-old daughter that races mx. for the most part, she won't listen to a word i say. i think that the best way to coach her is to have someone else do it. my daughter has attended a couple of riding schools that help temporarily, then she falls back into her bad habits. luckily, the guy that teaches them is a friend and continues coaching whenever he sees her. if a school is not available, i recommend finding someone that she looks up to to give her pointers and tips.

The old velvet gloves. Keep your head; constructive criticism is still criticism! Just let her ride and build upon her successes no matter how small! When some other rider younger and weaker starts to spanker her. Just tell her that’ she should give her a little roost sandwich..

Sometimes, it's a good idea to take a break from competition when frustration sets in.

I would recommend doing some playriding on trails and just have fun. You might also let her decide if she wants to just take a break.

I know I got extremely frustrated a year or so ago from riding with people that were always much better riders than me. Karl got me back into jetskiing, snowmobiling and mountain biking and everytime we went out riding anything he would try to "teach" me how to ride better. It felt like I had another job and I was NOT good at it. I am pretty coachable after years in high school and college sports BUT I just wanted to ride and enjoy it. I had no intention of competing so I didn't feel like being coached all the time. I know he was just trying to help me and he really did teach me a lot of good techniques but at the time it was just making me feel like I was totally inadequate. It got to the point that I only went riding when the kids would go. I didn't have fun riding with other people because I felt like I was incompetent and holding up the whole group. I told Karl & the kids I was selling all my stuff and buying craft stuff - they laughed at me & told me I really stunk at crafts! :think: So I kept my stuff.

What got me out of my funk (for the most part anyways) was to start riding by myself - mountain biking at lunchtime. I could go at my own speed and I could decide if I felt like tackling a challenging section or not. I could also practice on some sections if I wanted to. I wouldn't recommend riding by yourself but for me, it took the pressure off of riding and it allowed me to work on my skills. I always took my cellphone and I always made sure the office knew when I should be back. I did have a couple good tumbles off the goat trail that made me think it wasn't such a good idea but, since I was having fun, I kept going back and it wasn't like I fell off the cliff, I was pretty cautious riding past that section.

After that, when I did ride with others, I tried to get in a few rides with people at my level or with a couple beginners so I didn't feel like the slowpoke in the group all the time. Karl still gives me pointers and coaches me BUT, he has learned that when he gets "the look" (maybe it's "the words") :p I've had enough coaching for that outing and he rides on letting me figure it out. He is also very good at pointing out the sections that used to give me problems but that are now easy for me. I think his favorite comment is "you couldn't have ridden that LAST year."

Like Marlin said constructive criticism is still criticism and if you don't have some praise to go along with it, all you see is the criticism. Praise doesn't carry near the weight of criticism either. Unfortunately, when you are racing it's hard to accept praise unless you have a trophy in your hand that's why it is important to make sure it is still fun, then the trophy isn't the focus.

I'm with bbbom, what is important is that she loves to ride, so fuel that with play/trail riding and other non-instuctional riding and take the emphasis off compitition. She may or may not ever be fast but you and she will always remember the time you spent riding play riding.

:thumb:

Robert, I'm definitely with Bbbom on this. I've been trying to figure things out but still have fun. I'm not strictly competitive, but last ain't fun either. I've had to work out that placement is immaterial, it's the ride that counts. I'm still working on it. I'd just like to be good at one thing other than my job.

I have spent more time riding by myself than with others, but I've also spent a lot of time riding with kids & beginners, working on my technique & confidence.

I've had a major breakthrough (I think) by having found someone I'm comfortable riding with, yet I'm being pushed out of my comfort zone. Her strengths are my weaknesses & vice versa. I think if she can do something, I should at least try.

It's now a case of I'm wishing I could be two or three people, just so I can go riding with everyone I enjoy riding with, but I'll figure something out.

The funny thing is, it seems like since Henk's broken, I'm having more fun & riding more - almost like whatever pressure he put on me is gone. Henk & I don't ride together often (once every few months is enough, thanks), so it can't be that. The only thing I can think of is I'm so used to having to organise him, help with sign-on & around the place, that I'm more relaxed knowing that he can look after that stuff for a change. The other thing is if I stuff up, get stuck or whatever else dumb thing I can think of doing, I'd always known Henk would be along at some stage & would help me out. Now I'm going to have to rely on other people or myself (not many people dare ask me if I need help, I'm not exactly a charming person when I'm pissed off at myself). I've been known to sit somewhere for an hour or two waiting for him to show up only to end up having someone else help - whereas if I'd asked the first person along I'd have been out & about in a few minutes - yeah, I'm dumb. Independence can only go so far, I guess.

What I'm trying to say, is let your daughter figure out what works for her & respect that. You may be putting undue pressure on her without realising it. I guess some of us women (well, me) have different techniques at learning. I'll watch & try or berate myself for my lack of technique. One of my riding partners is funny. I tell her I'm sitting too much (I do), she tells me she stands too much. I guess we're both figuring things out with riding with each other (we haven't that often, yet). We're having a blast though. With the new riders, I prefer not to say anything, just lead & hopefully they'll pick something up (hey, maybe I can do a few things right, otherwise they'll learn what not to do). I did follow one woman & tell her off about something - the fact that her feet were hanging out to the side & if she didn't get out of that habit, she'd hurt herself by hooking up on a stump or something. It was a genuine concern. I'd definitely not tell them to stand or sit at any point - that depends on comfort. If I'm unsure about something, I'll sit. I'm trying to break that habit as I've got to realise I can stand & dab on the TTR (I can't on the KDX).

I hope some of my waffle may help. Maybe your daughter could come online & tell us how she feels about things - we're happy to offer encouragement.

Oh, the throwing a chain thing - the TTR does that & I can't fix it either hehehe - must ask about that again, as I think I got a lesson but can't remember it lol.

Oops, forgot something. One thing I know for myself (not sure if the others are the same way or not), but I'm more likely to believe/remember criticism than if someone tells me I did something good. If I got out on a ride with Henk (especially) & do 99 things right & get told that, but do 1 thing wrong, I won't remember anything I did right and will get upset about the criticism.

That is great!

Tell her good luck & all of us here in the Ladies Room er Forum are behind her 100%! :aj:

Good luck and have fun. I think it's fairly true that women are a little more sensitive to criticism than men. I second almost everything Bbbom and Michelle said--heck, Bbbom's even seen many of my mishaps. Riding with another woman and/or someone who removes the "pressure" to keep up is extremely helpful. Even if that pressure is unintentional, a lot of us gals feel it anyway.

I do have to say I'm extremely jealous! My dad didn't want me to get a dirt bike as a kid, even though he was a rider back in the day. Your daughter is a lucky girl. I had to wait until I was 21, and my dad has never ever seen my bike or seen me ride.

Michelle said:

(not many people dare ask me if I need help, I'm not exactly a charming person when I'm pissed off at myself).

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Amen to that Michelle! I'm glad I'm not the only one who's like that! Karl just sits back and takes pictures now.

:thumb:

Way cool Robert :) Tell her congratulations from us.

The competition in the future's going to be great, so many young girls out there, if they stick with it.

Sharla, it's quite funny, one of my riding buddies is like me, but calmer - she just hates having help, but sometimes she lets us help her, but only after she's tried to sort herself out. It's great. I've ridden with one female who insists on being helped everytime she's remotely stuck or fell off and it does get old, especially when you're not overly competent/confident yourself. No matter, it's character building in itself. Then again, riding with someone else is definitely more enjoyable than riding by yourself :)

It's a great day to be a dad!

Awesome job! One point is tough. My friend's 10 year old daughter recently entered a Family Enduro and there were 3 adults and 3 kids riding together, all first timers at timekeeping. Turns out she got 2nd place in her class and after analyzing the scores, she was only 7 minutes behind the first place girl. Not bad considering they were riding as a group and stopping to help other riders' children along the way. She's game for the next time and wants the win.

Keep us posted on your daughter's progress!