The lady in the box.

[Ol'89r]

My lovely wife gave me one of those GPS’s for me last Christmas. Ya’ know, the kind for your car. It’s a little black box that sits next to me and tells me which way to go. A very cool lil’ unit that I’ve used to find many important things like old long-lost riding areas and practice tracks. It has a little screen and a ladies voice that tells me where to turn and lets me know if I miss a turn. Now, of course, I already have one of those. That would be the original purchaser of the little black box. She has sat next to me for years, telling me which way to go and letting me know when I miss a turn. She also has a few features that the little black box doesn’t have. She not only tells me where to drive but how to drive. Usually if I’m going too fast to make a turn she will alert me by omitting a signal. Normally, a loud scream preceded by squawking noises.

Now, I have to wonder why I need two of these voices telling me how to drive and where to go when I already have one. Of course, being a member of the male species, I never get lost. And when I do, I never admit to it, or ask for directions.

I guess my lovely wife just wants me to feel like she is there even when she isn’t. I have decided that my wife is version 1.0 and the lady in the box is version 2.0. They left out many features on version 2.0 that version 1.0 came with. If I miss a turn, version 2.0 will get angry and tell me to hang a U-turn and then in this annoying little voice will say, “Recalculating.” Version 1.0 will do the same thing but has a much larger vocabulary.

Last week we all went for a ride up to the little mountain town of Julian. When we turned off of the freeway, there was some new construction and they had made some changes in the road. Of course, being a member of the male species, I automatically knew which way to go but version 2.0 told me to turn right. Version 1.0 said, “That’s wrong, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” So now, much to my amusement, version 1.0 and version 2.0 were arguing with each other. I smiled and kept my mouth shut. I’ve been married long enough to know when to keep my mouth shut and know when I’m outnumbered. I think version 1.0 won the argument because version 2.0 finally stopped saying, “recalculating”. I could’ve told her who was going to win that argument and of course, like I knew all a long, we were going in the right direction.

I was going to discard version 2.0 until I noticed a very important feature that version 1.0 doesn’t have. It’s this little magic switch that makes her voice louder and also makes it quieter. You can even turn her off. Unfortunately, version 1.0 didn’t come with this feature.

I can’t wait for version 3.0 to hit the market. I suspect it will have some of the features that they left out of version 2.0. Like being able to tell me to slow down when going into a corner a little too fast. It may even have a little mechanical arm that comes out and sinks it’s sharp, brightly colored fingernails into my leg to further get my attention like version 1.0 sometimes does. I may even buy one. That is, as long as it comes with the magic switch. ;)

 

[biglou]

Julian! Best apple pie in the world! We drove there one day from El Centro after work, arrived just in time to get a couple pies to take back, a couple slices for right then along with some ice cold milk!

And we didn't have GPS. :)

 

[RM_guy]

Damn that was good :)

I have the hand held GPS that I use on my bike and sometimes use it in the car. Since there is no easy way to mount it and still see the small screen I just lay it between my legs and pick it up to check things from time to time. My wife is in no way a fan of all the new technology and can't see my fascination with the GPS. When I first got it I'd use it to go places that I already knew how to get to and she'd ask what the hell I was doing. After glancing down at the thing a few times she says, "Do you really need another reason to be amazed when you look between your legs?" ...ya know, she has a point:)

 

[VintageDirt]

Does 1.0 got any sisters?

 

[GETMETOCA]

Terry, that was awesome! I thought I'd learn a different language with my GPS and turned it to Japanese for a while, but then I couldn't understand it and got lost. I did learn how to say "Turn Right" and "Turn Left" in Polish though.

 

[SpDyKen]

A lady friend of mine (that works in the M/C business,) refers to her GPS as "The Bitch In The Box."

Another friend says his Acura GPS system is much more polite than his wife, saying things like "make a U-turn, if possible."

 

[Patman]

Awesome stuff Terry! My 1.0 got me a 2.0 last year as well. We listened to 2.0 on our summer 3,000 mile trek (how painful at the pump was that trip in a 4x4 Supercrew LOL!). The one problem was that 1.0 is not real good at technical stuff so her and 2.0 often got in to a disagreement when 1.0 was trying to tell 2.0 what she wanted.

 

[Ol'89r]

Does 1.0 got any sisters?

Yeah she does Wes. You wouldn't like her though. She's more of a 0.4 and definitely needs the magic switch. ;)

 

[nikki]

LOL nice write-up! :laugh:

 

[JPIVEY]

Hahahaha........I know how to shut down my 1.0, you rub your hand on the back of her head and when she say " what the heck ya doing " you say " looking for the off switch ".

Now be fore warned, this is NOT like shuting down AOL, you do get a two word sign off, but it's a far cry from " Good Bye " :yikes:

Also, restart is a little tuff sometimes too :whoa:

 

[2strok4fun]

I was able to turn off my version 1 with the act of marriage, this however does NOT limit the volume.