- Jun 5, 2001
- 7,529
- 18
<< CARDS YOU WILL NEVER
SEE IN A HALLMARK STORE:
1. My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat. Sorry!
2. You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers,
and a box of Depends.
3. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.
4. Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me
5. Looking back over the years that we've
been together, I can't help but wonder:
What the HELL was I thinking?
6. Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife.
7. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
8. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
that you're not here to ruin it for me.
9. As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the
gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy...
10. Congratulations on your promotion. Before
you go, would you like to take this knife out
of my back? You'll probably need it again.
11. When we were together, you always said
you'd die for me. Now that we've broken
up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
12. You are such a good friend that if we were on
a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
13. Your friends and I wanted to do something
special for your birthday-so we're having you
put to sleep.
15. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!
(available only in
Mississippi and Arkansas)
SEE IN A HALLMARK STORE:
1. My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat. Sorry!
2. You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers,
and a box of Depends.
3. Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy.
4. Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me
5. Looking back over the years that we've
been together, I can't help but wonder:
What the HELL was I thinking?
6. Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your wife.
7. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.
8. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am
that you're not here to ruin it for me.
9. As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the
gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy...
10. Congratulations on your promotion. Before
you go, would you like to take this knife out
of my back? You'll probably need it again.
11. When we were together, you always said
you'd die for me. Now that we've broken
up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
12. You are such a good friend that if we were on
a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
13. Your friends and I wanted to do something
special for your birthday-so we're having you
put to sleep.
15. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!
(available only in
Mississippi and Arkansas)