40 Things Never Said by Rednecks

[YZ Joust]

40 Things Never Said by Rednecks

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.

39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrasslin's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who's Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?

12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

9. Checkmate.

8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

5. I don't have a favorite college team.

4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

 

[biglou]

LMAO! One of my all-time favorite chain Emails. :)

 

[326mx]

No. 9 Cracked me up

 

[dirty~d~]

A few more they should add to the list....

You can't leave that car on the front lawn.

Honey, I think you'll need to use Oxy clean on this shirt. I don't want this to stain.

I think I'd look good with a haircut like Clooney's, don't you think?

Potato guns are so unsafe.

The Dukes of Hazzard set such a bad example for my generation.

 

[Trail Boss]

#41 Junior, you better put on your helmet and riding gear before you get on that Q.u.a.d.

 

[Old CR goat]

uhhhhh, yuns makin fun of me, ya air ain'tcha. B'sides, Bobbie Jo won't even go in Tiffany's, sez a strip joint just ain't no place fur a lady. :)

 

[thermal]

Where did you learn to write like that?

 

[thermal]

Do you know how to say......did you eat yet......in AL?

jeet

 

[326mx]

42. Billy the party is almost over, no need to tap another keg.

 

[Rooster]

Do you want to = yawn2

 

[dirty~d~]

"yaityet?"
"fixinta. yaunto?"
"ait"

 

[WoodsRider]

The last thing every redneck says:

"Hold my beer and watch this!"

 

[Rooster]

Woods, that remind me....how do rednecks call for an ambulance..........."hey yall wachis"........it always involves beer and something highly dangerous.

Reminds me of the time my friends uncle got ahold of a jet engine (don't ask me how, it happened in Arkansas) and lit it up in the back yard and burned down a tree.

 

[326mx]

LOL

 

[bsmith]

Reminds me of the time my friends uncle got ahold of a jet engine (don't ask me how, it happened in Arkansas) and lit it up in the back yard and burned down a tree

Rooster, you must have been fairly young then, that was no jet engine, that was your buddies (AKA) ;) uncle trying to light the barbie after the county fairs all you can eat chili feast :) ARMAGEDON :D

 

[monkeybutt]

You anit makin' fun of my home town in Kintucky, are ya?

You know, they say if ya aint good enough for kin, you aint good enough for anyone. :)

 

[IrishEKU]

Duno....I live in KY and find it funny!

 

[The Josh]

#43 That ain't no way to treat a lady

 

[Todd Turner]

Now, I was raised in Arkansas and have lots of family and friends who live there. Many of them even wear shoes. But, my former in-laws live in Izzard County where the local fellas idea of fun on a Saturday night is to take a leak on an electric fence. They say it gives them quite a charge!

I have another friend who took algebra in college. He came home and told his father all about A plus B equalling C to which his father had the famous quote: Boy, you can't add letters.

No kidding.

Truth is stranger than fiction...

Todd

 

[WaltCMoto]

If your house has wheels and your car dont, you might be a redneck.
......... Jeff Foxworthy

 

[KelvinKDX]

This thread brings a tear to ones eye. Pretty funny. of course i have to agree "checkmate". It just ain't gonna happen.

 

[splatt]

#44 I`ll just have a salad.
#45 Who`s Jack Daniels and Jim Beam?
#46 What`s NASCAR?

 

[Milquetoast]

When I lived in Colorado, my friend always had get-togethers at his place cuz he was the envy of our group. He had a Double-wide! I was jealous too. :)

 

[motometal]

#846 "I'm tired of grilling out"
#598 "beer all tastes the same"
#328 "my harley is too loud, I think I'll buy some better mufflers"
#765 "real fishermen don't drink beer"
#903 "there's no way that General Lee could have REALLY jumped that train!"
#938 "garsh, I can't decide whether to get p-diddy, or the back street boys!"

 

[Rooster]

Rooster, you must have been fairly young then, that was no jet engine, that was your buddies (AKA) uncle trying to light the barbie after the county fairs all you can eat chili feast ARMAGEDON

Well, I guess that would explain the lack of jet fuel and why he had his pants down around his ankles........ppphhhhhhhhaaaaaaaawwhhwwwhooooooom! :) :) :eek: :scream: