Bike-Baby-Wife?

[rubbersidedown]

My priorities are a little out of wack.

I was hoping for some feedback from you parents out there on being a first time dad and how it altered your riding.

My wife is expecting our first baby late summer and I occasionally get the "stares" when I talk about riding this summer. I understand she needs me around and there's a lot to be done before then, but I don't see how it should change that much... :think:

I should mention she rides too, although her street bike is more her medicine, she definitely enjoys off-road especially since getting a new 06 crf150 which she's only ridden once.

I'm getting a little twitchy at the thought of cutting back, or not being able to do the over night rides we did last summer.
Don't get me wrong, I'm psyched to be a dad. I just wish I could put a human form of Miracle Grow in the kid's bottle so I can get him/her on a bike asap.

I guess I just wanted to hear from others who may have been through this either with a new baby, or just kids in general.

I have a good friend and brother-in-law who's kids are involved in nine different activities seven days a week and it seems these guys always have that glazed look on their face sometimes when I tell them I'm going riding and they "can't"

That's my rant/inquiry/worry...Be safe.

 

[ridejunky]

Don't sweat it. When that baby comes you will forget about the bike for a while (trust me it happens). After he/she starts eating and sleeping well, you will have some time, but not much. If you have grandparents near by and you aren't breast feeding, you are golden. Grandpa and Grandma will come over to help on occasion so that you and your wife can spend some quality time alone, when this happens, you need to carefully convince your
wife that riding together is one of the most unifying activities that(other than the baby) makes you realize just how lucky you are to to have married her, this must be done with the utmost skill so you don't come off as patronizing. Your riding time will be less, but you wont care because parenting happens naturally. Just keep looking forward!

 

[robwbright]

Don't sweat it. When that baby comes you will forget about the bike for a while (trust me it happens). Your riding time will be less, but you wont care because parenting happens naturally.

Yep. I didn't have a bike when Siena was born, but I was into other things like soccer. You'll be too amazed and in love (and probably too tired) to care about riding for awhile.

Eventually, you'll get back into it. Although, you will NEVER be as free as you were before. I try to get out to ride twice a week, but sometimes its only once.

It's hard to get any faster with so little seat time, but it's the price you pay, and it's worth it.

 

[duke]

You are already ahead of the game by virtue of your wife having a fondness for dirt bikes. Nonetheless, as a dad of a three year old, do yourself a favor and put the bike up for a brief storage. Your wife will be wanting and deserving of your complete attention for a while. The time will arise when she will can calm down, catch her breath and recognize that you also need a little R and R (read a trail ride). As time passes, you will renew some of your lost riding time, but not at the level it once was due to the rigors and demands of parenting. However, when you ride, it will be sweeter then ever. Learn the art of time management, it will serve you well in all endeavors. Oh, BTW, that little one will someday be your riding buddy, be it a girl or boy. Occasionally make reference to this much anticipated fact and it will set the stage for an endorsement of more riding time by the wife

 

[G. Gearloose]

Well admition is half the cure...things will change but then you won't imagine life any other way.
Right now she doesn't want to hear about it. Her mind is whilring about things we can't fathom. Think of how much her life (and body) is changing. Just show some fortitude by being patient. The more you obsess, the worse it will be. Your hapiness will find a new normal.

Show your wife family is #1, not riding, and pretty soon I bet she'll be aranging 'play dates' so you can have a break and go riding..

In a year arrange a sitter and take her riding for a day, just the two of you, no buddies. Pack a picnic in a daypack.

You will survive, and congrats, its a fun ride.

 

[kmccune]

I understand she needs me around and there's a lot to be done before then, but I don't see how it should change that much.

Sorry Bud your live is about to take a 180 for awhile, but not to worry it turns back around sooner or latter. But like said above the next years in your life are about the best you'll ever have. ( sorry trying not to get mushy but damn what can I say I really miss those first year of their lives when I didn't have a bike :whoa: ) Then later you get to teach them to ride and read and math and try to make them hate boys a little while longer(for girls of course :laugh: ) ( PS hating boys ploy didn't work :bang: ) But you know now that they like boys I get to ride more... mixed blessing to be sure but then when life serves up lemons ... make lemon beer! :nod:

 

[rubbersidedown]

Thanks for the replys. You guys have oviously seen your way through the hardest part of this and have given me some much needed insight and hope into what to expect.

It's pretty cool that most of you expressed the same general idea that "not riding" for a bit of time was actually ok with you. It sounds like parenting does set your schedule into it's own natural direction whether you like it or not.
I guess with the stress of work and life in general, getting out there even if it's for a half day ride is the only thing now that helps me relax and forget the world even exists for that moment.

On the flip side of my own selfish worries, I've also been on rides with my young nephews and friends kids and have been there on occasions watching them set their kids upright and letting them go on those little bikes for the first time. I crack up watching their helmet bouncing around like a bobble head doll and wondering if they're gonna be able to stop. How can you beat that!?

Yeah, like I said I'm pretty excited whether it's to see them ride (or not) eventually, or just to see them walk to across the floor.

Sorry for the sentimental stuff, don't worry a new thread on fork spring size and premix ratios should be here any second.

Thanks again.

 

[jim f.]

I quit riding for 23 years till the kids grew up. Not saying you have to but mine was mainly a money problem, kids cost money.

 

[ridejunky]

Winning a race or riding hard with your buddies is always a blast but it pales in comparison to watching your kid make it up that steep hill for the first time. Those moments are perfect gold.

 

[matt-itude]

I like ridding with my boy (11 yr old) he dosent like the same ridding I do but watching him ride with his friends makes me remember riding when I was young. It is awesome. The kids all of a sudden one day just take off and start ridding (mine did). He went from so slow you had a hard time balancing behind him to cruising right along. Anyway like has been said you will be way excited to help them with their ambitions and yours will naturaly feel less important for a while. Dont miss a minute of it. It will go way too fast anyways.

 

[GS]

Ditto to all that has been said before.

Don't miss out on time with them when they are young...build relationships and become a good listener, not always offering advice. You will never regret time invested with kids. Probably best fun I ever had. AND... They grow up way too fast.
Sounds like you are the type of person who will soon see this for yourself.
Greg

 

[BSWIFT]

Not being a dad, I must say the advice given is good, sound advice. As you approach the arrival of your new child, you should really concentrate on your wife. Find someway to relax by making her feel special. I can only imagine that your true days of relaxation have retired for some years to come.
Congrats on becoming a dad.

 

[KTM Mike]

Everyone just gave you a ton of great advice!. Yep...your life is forever changed, but that does not have to mean you totally give up what you love to do. You just have to do it differently, and perhaps a bit less often. Early on with an infant, there is not much you can do that includes Mom, baby and you on a bike...so you will have a dry spell. You may miss it, but it WILL be well worth it! I think it is important for you to realize that you can and will have those good old times back...and from my personal experience, it is very much possible.

I have two sons, age 15 and 13. In years BC (Before Children) my wife and I did tons of cool stuff. Extensive back country back packing, Tons of street bike riding (long distance sport touring stuff - I had gotten out of dirt bikes not long before our oldest was born), tons of hiking, snow shoeing etc. etc. Believe it or not...none of that went away! Well, for a short while I guess it did...but not for long. In fact, now I can hardly imagine life with out kids...and would not want that to be the case

You gotta be creative, willing to adapt. You do need to be aware that you now have a kid depending on you, and if you do ride, you likely should back it off a notch or two.

By the time our oldest boy was 1 month old, we were out snowshoeing with him in a front infant carrier. By modifying our distances, by being creative with packing stuff (and me being dumb enough to carry some hellishly heavy packs!), we did week long back packing trips above treeline when he was 18 months old. We just had to get creative in how we did it. Yep...tons of extra work, but well worth it.

I had to find a way for us to keep riding on the street. So, a sidecar appeared in the garage. NOTHING like a solo bike...but it was a bike. When the oldest was 3, and youngest just 11 months old, they did their first side car ride - and eventually logged about 50,000 miles riding in that sidecar. By the time they were 6 and 8, we started riding off road together. We have had TONS of fun. Yep...i fouled lots of spark plugs putzing behind a 6 year old...my wife following along on the quad. But well worth it!

Then, as someone else pointed out...they seem all growed up! I did a race just today with my youngest son (Family Enduro Series) Neat thing is, you get to ride along with them to help them out keeping time. Had a BLAST teaching him how to keep time for enduros. Seeing the look on his face as we zeroed checks was worth 13 years of waiting!

Keep you focus on your wifes and babys immediate needs. Keep reminding your self, of the great times to come in the future. After things settle down a bit, and a "life with baby routine" develops - see if you can find some creative ways to include the whole family in some of the activities you enjoyed in the past. Cherish these times!

 

[rubbersidedown]

Thanks Mike and everyone else, you guys said a lot with few words.

 

[kelseybrent]

RSD,
First of all congratulations. I'm a new first time father of a beautiful 8 month old boy and as others have said, it's impossible to comprehend how much life changes. Must be a human defense mechanism to help propagate the species ;) You won't have time to think too much about riding for a while after the baby is born, but after the baby's sleeping through the night and the two of you are a little less sleep deprived, and the weather turns nice, and all your buddies are going riding for the weekend, and ... tread lightly.

I'm at that point right now and I can tell you, if Momma's not happy, then nobody's happy. I went for my first real offroad ride on Saturday since the boy was born and I (as a simple minded man) thought that everything would be fine with that. I told her I was going to ride over to her brother-in-laws for a ride around a beautifully rocky PATRA loop about 30 miles from my house and that I'd be back by supper time.

Let's just say that everything was not fine, and I don't want to jump on your thread and complain about not being able to ride whenever I want to. What I want to do is pass on some points of advice.
1-Think about things for her point of view when you get to the point of going riding again.
2-Discuss it with her beforehand and make sure she's going to be okay with it. Then discuss it again.
3-Try to include her and the baby as much as possible, or try to make sure they have something fun to do (Example - I could have easily taken them and trailered the bike to her sisters and let them visit while we were riding, but I did not put any thought into it other than that I wanted to go riding).
4-Let her know exactly when you are leaving and returning. An hour here or there didn't used to be a big deal, but an hour with a hungry baby and a worried Mom are a huge deal.
5-Again, communication. I'm communication-challenged, but it's what we need to do to keep things running smooth at home.

Good luck with everything. It's an icredible experience. Don't worry about when you can go riding with them, it will happen all too soon. And by the time they are ready to ride, we'll be able to get them used electric start 50's.

 

[darrylabrown]

Your new focus will be on SLEEP. When the kid is asleep you should both be resting. Eight pounds is nothing in the Gym; however, wrapped in a blanket and only one way to communicate, 8lbs is a monster. You will not have time to paint the fence let alone ride. Get some projects done around the house before the big day. Help with the kid so much that your wife wants you to go out with your friends. Take him/her when you get a haircut (after a 10min car ride they are asleep anyway). Take them shopping for groceries and let the wife rest. That half and hour buys lots of Brownie points. When you come home, Mom will be refreshed and happy. Warning this can lead to other immediate benefits that can lead to more 8 lbs problems.

My kid is 2 1/2 now. He loves working on "his" bike in the garage with me. He will now sit on it while it is running. I can't wait to buy him the KDX50. You can buy training wheels.

Good luck with everything, I hope it is twins!

 

[blackduc98]

With 2 kids of my own I can confirm all of the above. To expand on darrylabrown's point, you will score BIG points if you let your wife rest here and there. Try this after you recover from sleep deprivation and the baby is a few months old: give your wife a day off. Send her out of the house with her girlfriends and tell her that you don't want her to return until midnight, and you will take care of the baby. Yes, it must be you personally paying the dues, not your mother, and not the babysitter. Next weekend it will be your turn to go out and ride :-)

 

[43Duc748]

Great advise from all. I'm a father of 2 (6 yrs and 3 yrs). Here's what I have to say: I've bought at least 2 motorcycles that came from ads that started out "Baby coming, bike has to go".... great deals from SUCKERS!!!!! Seriously, kids are expensive and take lots of time and nurturing, but they are not the fun time enders that your mini-van driving neighbor who has a model train in his basement tells you they are. I used to ride every stinkin' weekend before my kids came, now I don't. It's no big deal, I just enjoy it that much more when I do get to go ride. But no matter what, don't sell your bike(s)... When you sell a bike, that moeny gets absorbed into your "general fund" and you will never see it again.

Lately, when I want to ride, I load up the gear the night before, then in the morning I take my son to school, drop him off and go ride. It takes me an hour to get to my spot, I ride a few hours, and the leave to go pick up my son at school. My wife doesn't mind because I'm taking care of the boy and my "silly hobby" at the same time... it's a win-win.

Good luck and congrats!

PS. Years ago I bought a Ducati from a guy who said his wife wanted him to get a hobby that the "whole family" could enjoy and so he planned to use the money from the bike to buy a boat. Great, good for him and me. I few years later that guy ended up doing some financial analysis for my company and I asked him how the boat was and he said, "yeah, that never really happened, my wife wanted a patio set..." SUCKER!!!!!

 

[Timr]

I'm a father of 2 (6 yrs and 3 yrs). Here's what I have to say: I've bought at least 2 motorcycles that came from ads that started out "Baby coming, bike has to go".... great deals from SUCKERS!!!!! Seriously, kids are expensive and take lots of time and nurturing, but they are not the fun time enders that your mini-van driving neighbor who has a model train in his basement tells you they are. I used to ride every stinkin' weekend before my kids came, now I don't. It's no big deal, I just enjoy it that much more when I do get to go ride. But no matter what, don't sell your bike(s)... When you sell a bike, that moeny gets absorbed into your "general fund" and you will never see it again.

This is very very true! I too am the dad of a 6 year old and a 3 year old. I've been consumed by everything from soccer coaching to swim lessons. My kids don't have bikes and maybe they will when the time is right. But, I never sold my bike! It's still in the garage.

Currently, i'm in a dry spell when I haven't ridden it in about a year. I know that sounds bad, but all I have to do is dust it off, clean it up, change the fluids and I'm back in biz. Before kids, I did 15 - 20 races a year, with half of them overnight trips to neighboring states. You'll be fine when you have to cut back. Now, I really appreciate it when I do get out. I pick and choose my opportunities.

I could force the issue, but I don't really feel the need to right now. My wife totally understands and I could get out more than I do, but I make the choice to spend the time with my kids on the weekends.

You'll find the balance that works for you. I'm looking to get a pop-up camper and get my kids into enjoying the outdoors. Mom will never be into this so it's something for me to do with my kids and allow her to have some down time. Down the road, hopefully, we can add some bikes to that equation, but if not, I'll be ok with that too.

Good luck.
Timr

 

[ridejunky]

Yeah, If you set things up right, soon you will riding with your kid. unfortunately they grow real fast.
I have a daughter who's 11 and a boy who's 8 and they both ride, it's a great family outing. I've been trying to get my wife to ride but its harder than dragging a mule thru a river. She loves when we go riding cause she gets the day to herself. Things could be much worse, no complaints!

 

[Green Hornet]

You will be too tired once the Baby comes. I would not do overnighters, but get a ride in once twice a week if you can. When her due date is closer, well, I think you know what you have to do. If family is around, try and schedule an outing when their with her, so she is not alone & you don't have to worry about how the couch will hurt your back. I've got 3 boys, 1 girl. The oldest rides with me when he can.

 

[43Duc748]

I didn't start doing overnighters again until both my kids were well out of diapers and the older one could give himself a shower... It's just less work for my wife to have to do while I'm gone. I don't do as many overnighters but when I do, I usally make them 2-3 nights and with a larger group so it's more fun since it's less frequent.

When my son gets older I'll get him into riding. I know that I could get him riding now as he fits a PW50 perfectly, but with the nearest riding about an hour away, I can't justify buying bike, driving that far to have him lose interest after an hour or so. When he's older and his attention span is longer I'll look into it. For now, I have a small street bike for him that he rides around the neighborhood... all the kids stare with stars in their eyes!

 

[John Harris]

Riding with your kids when they are older is great, but riding with your grand kids is just something else!

 

[WoodsRider]

I've got three kids, 4, 2 and 8 months. I've also got three bikes... coincidence? I have cut way back on riding/racing since the kids came along. Just ask any DYDR member. I raced 4 times last year and one hare scramble was three days before they induced labor on my wife.

The bikes and riding have always been a point of contention between my wife and I. Even more so now that we have three little ones, none of whom are self-sufficient. This year we agreed to some "concessions" and, so far, things are working out.

I enjoy riding and racing, but I also enjoy spending time with my family. I don't want to miss out on watching my children grow up. I also want to get my children involved in trail riding, as a family activity, when they are mature enough. Sometimes I take my oldest son with me, on the bike, when I go on an easy trail ride. He really enjoys it. This year I bought him a helmet, gloves and jersey for his birthday. My kids also have more toy motorcycles than you can shake a stick at and my two oldest kids shout out "Bultaco" whenever I give them the "thumbs up".