dang ole' german yellow jackets

[sfc crash]

so i'm out clearing some more brush at the ridge(it's a constant) . i'm on my knees whacking some sapling with my mullet axe and a couple of them big bitting horse flys start buzzing my head. no biggy, just swoosh'em away. well after swooshing they got busier. no prob, swoosh some more. NOW them couple of horse flys are getting really gutsy and one pops me on my kneck.DANG! them things can bite. so i smash it on my kneck and figure i'll get up and kill the other horse fly. i stand up and all hell breaks loose. these aint no dang ole' horse flys, these'er them dang ole yellow jackets. :eek: ok gentle reader, let me educate you to what i have learned about these lil beasts in the past day.1 these are your german yellow jackets that live in the ground and are more agressive than your average yellow jacket(dang germans)2 attempting to swoosh yellow jacketts gets them most agitated.3 smahing a yellow jacket gives off a "scent" that drives all other yellow jackets into an attack mode,especially were the first one was smashed, and last, but not least. them yellow jackets can sting multiple times. so now i'm standing up, these things are zooming out'a their nest and they are in full on attack mode,pop..pop..pop. i was taking hits to the head and back. hey, i know what to do...RUN! so i put my shirt up over my head and run up out'a the ravine, i get to the top and think i'm safe and..pop, pop..they are still on me. so i lift my shirt and take out across the back yard, stop,look at my shirt,those things are ON-IT. so i whip my shirt off and run into the front yard. there's the wife and i plop down next to her, panting.."dang ole stingers got me!".."what?"... "i just stirred up a nest of hornets and they popped me pretty good"..."are you alergic"..."nah..i'm cool" she,smiling now"lil richie, don't go bothering the bugs now". well she looked me over, shook her head and went back to pruning.me, i sat a bit,thinking. yeh baby! wanna play rough? i jump up and start laughing, the wife asks"what are you doing? you're having too much fun with this"...ha! says i"it's payback time" so i run into the garage, fire up the fogger then go back to my shirt. i open up the shirt and out come 5-7 mad stingers. yeh baby,"here's a lil something extra for ya" and i zapp'em with the fogger.there, the hot fog zapped em. now it's time to take it to em. so i go back to thier nest and they're still a buzzing. i fog, i mean FOG'em hard and long, they're coming at me, but being fogged their tracking system is buggerd. then i blow out them flame and shoot the fog oil all over the nest and light it on fire and go back to foggin"...yep..that fight was on, but i,being more technically advanced,was able to create :aj: havoc,mass hysteria and carnage on my foe. they had drawn first blood, but i was back, and was accepting no less than total anhilation of the colony of foes. yes children, in the valley of the ridge there was much death that day, much heroic action and much agony, but i did prevail. as i walked up out of the ravine, victorious, my wife asked my"did ya get'em"..get'em indeed.."i bet ya, those lil bastages, in thier lil pee brains,wayy back in there somewhere, were thinking, the wished the hadn't fudged with me...yeh"..so there it is, old faithful reader, another tale of brave adventure from ole' crash. just remember, ya gotta fight your own fights and it aint over untill you stand over them,all, the victor! :worship: this guy fears me because he just might be a bug too. if ya wanna kill a bug,...ya gotta think like a bug!

< ADMIN EDIT: Added for effect ... True Sarge>

 

[Papakeith]

yanno, there's probably one be left walking around the ridge with a bloody bee tire iron lodged in his thorax buzzing to himself, "What were we thinkin'!"

 

[a454elk]

Hot damn, I was waiting for a Sarge story and low an behold, here pops one in, POP POP POP!!!:):) Take the fight to them Sarge, next time, set up a pair of coveralls and a shirt and stand it out in the field. Now when those little buggers come a knocking, you can sneak up behind them, whisper in their ear "What were you thinkin", then bash them in the head with a tiny tire iron! Double pickles, stand proud and walk by yourself to the sammich shop.;)

 

[Person8]

Is there a place on DRN that Sarge's stories can be saved for posterity? Another classic...

Larry

 

[XRpredator]

Good one sarge! I'll tell my story in my best sfc style:

I must say, for some reason the ol' Yellowjackets are way more agressive this year. I was diggin in the ol' dirtpile (you know, the one you always have to move, then move again, and so on) with the #2 the other morning, and bap! something hits me in the back of the head. I look around to see if Predator2 is getting ornery with a peashooter, but nobody's there. So I get back after it with the ol' #2 and bap! bap! I get it again. I start looking around and just on the other side of the pile, there's a little swarm of the bastages with a nest hole in the pile. Well, I know Momma has some of the spray where you can hit 'em from 50 feet away, so I go looking for it. "Sorry," says she, "I bought the wrong kind. This is the close range stuff." Okay, so I go out there full commando (sarge, you'd be proud) and give 'em the juice. Well, it weren't a full can, so the ones I didn't kill just got torqued at me, so I high-tail it back to the garage to regroup. Then, I got to thinkin' "I got some old premix for the Poulan that if I tried to run in the saw and Rich R found out, he'd go into conniptions." So I went back out after the swarm had subsided a bit and poured a gallon down the hole. The accursed horde didn't like that one bit, but the fun had just begun. I then threw a match! YEEHAW! We got fire! Fire Good! Bugs Bad! Of course, a gallon of gasoline down a hole burns a while, and I looked a little strange dancing around the dirtpile like Lord of the Flies (especially since I live in town), but those Yellowjackets will think again before trying to build a nest at Pred Part-of-an-Acre!

 

[biglou]

One word: "Deisel Fuel in a pump fertilizer sprayer". Environment be damned!

 

[MX-727]

Here is a perfect example of exclusive content: Sarge's Storytime :yeehaw:

 

[a454elk]

Todd, you hit the nail on the head. "It's storytime with Uncle Sarge" :)

 

[sfc crash]

all right pred.ya gotta get right-on-top-of-them-and-bashbashbash. yep, i'm suited up, silver tabs and my longjon shirt,gonna go see who's who.btw, lil side bar. are you fellas familiar with the rat snake. ok, i can see some of ya grinning. for you less edumacated city boys. our good friend the rat snake is a constrictor, but it shares a strong likeness to a ratler, and to make matters worse, or better ,depending on you per-spective, it whips it's tail and coils like a ratler when excited. so i see my new ole' buddy the rat snake next to the garrage (oh yeh, very agressive lil wanks too) so i go running to the other side, get a stick and yell to the wife...."SNAKE" (best to be the first to panick,eh carlo) so she comes running around and i've got Mr ratsnake all worked up so he'sa coilin' and a whippin' his tail,rattle like and the wife screeches"rattle-snake" and working on her emotion i yell"stand back, i'll get him" and i'm dancing around for effect and the wife is screeching wifely thingys like"my god, leave it alone...where's the cats?....watch out!" so i whack down with the stick, pin the head and grab up mr ratsnake on the end of the stick(thought i was gonna hand grab it, didn'tchya) and start swinging it around, yelling"look out"...ah,...yes, my friends the wife was so worked up now she couldn't move,let alone run, she just let out some type of high pitched groan/scream, "we're all gonna die because of you..you idiot" noise and i started laughing and set the snake back down in the bushes, looked at her and said" that's our friend the rat snake, sometimes confused with the rattler-snake, " i grin " he's our friend,eats mice and voles" and walk away.ha! yep, don't need TV out here'ta the ridge, ol crash is a one man show, or as my new ole' bud the mxbundy would say..the "crashter" :aj:

 

[VintageDirt]

Got-Toe-My-Dee! Sarge, that there is some good stuff right there, tell you wut, know wutta mean. We should be payin' you for that verbage. :)

 

[biglou]

Holy crap, sarge! I think I'll go pop a cold one and read that again! :thumb: Better yet, I'll grab a twelver and head your way! :)

 

[Moose95]

There was Sarge....knee deep in hand greandes, the whole Chinese horde comin' over the ridge thinkin' to himself...."Damn, one of 'em might get away...."
-Have one on me Sarge, BTW I'm gonna need a first shirt, you interested?

 

[thumbs]

"Escalation and Domination"

 

[Person8]

Thought I’d share the story of my recent yellow jacket encounter.

I had some antennas to install at our mountaintop receive site, so me and my buddy climbed aboard the chopper and strapped in. The landing pad on top of the ridge is too small for a Blackhawk (affectionately referred to as a Crashhawk) to land, so we were taking up an AStar. It was a bit gusty that day, and the little bird we were in isn’t known for awesome amounts of power, but we were doing OK. The approach to the pad was fairly smooth as the mountain was deflecting the wind above us, but when we crested the ridge we started bouncing around a bit. The pilot did a decent job of it, and we touched down in one piece. We unloaded ourselves and our gear, and prepared for the trek along the ridge.

The landing pad is about 150 yards from the radio shack, and the only way there is to hike along the ridge, carrying whatever equipment you’re going to need. I’ve learned to bring only the bare essentials for tools and such, and each time up there have left behind a few things just so I won’t have to carry them out. Now in some places this ridge is no wider than a two by four (you’d think it’d be 4 inches wide, wouldn’t you? Nope, three and three quarters of an inch – go figure) and drops off on either side a couple hundred feet to very jaggedy looking rocks below. That’s why you can’t just climb up there – very treacherous terrain. I suppose you could if you were part mountain goat, but me and my worn out knees would never make it.

Well we got there finally after having to stop and take a breather several times. There’s quite a bit of difference in oxygen content of the air when you go up two thousand feet. I got my partner started on drilling some holes to anchor guy wires and I headed over to the tower. It’s a forty footer. Not that imposing, but it’s been there since the dark ages, and is covered with old antennas and coax and heliax and all kinds of crap that makes it a challenge to climb. This is the same tower where, only months ago, I had a CCTV camera fall about twenty feet onto the top of my head. Ended up with five staples in my scalp and a nice concussion. I’m still suffering the affects of that one. The tower itself is guyed to stakes imbedded in the rock below, but time and weather have stretched them a bit. This gives the tower a little room to sway, and the 30 mile an hour gusts were making it an interesting climb for me today. I got my safety belt on, and the antennas staged on the ground, ready to be pulled up once I ascended.

It took me several minutes to get to the top, dodging all the obstacles on the way up, but I made it. The first antenna was easy. Just a small 16Db yagi for a 900 MHz RS-232 link. The second was a bit more of a challenge. It’s a two foot parabolic dish to be used for a 1.8 GHz video downlink. It probably weighed thirty pounds with it's feedhorn and all of it’s mounting hardware, and I had to pull it up to the top of the tower. I took my time and eased it up there without any problem. Now comes the hard part. It had to be mounted at the very top of the tower, and there wasn’t anyone up there to help me wrestle it into place. I was up as high as I could go and had to really stretch to lift that baby into place. That’s when it happened.

Imagine – you are on top of a forty foot tower located at the peak of a two thousand foot high hunk of granite. A thick leather safety harness strapped around your waist and secured at the highest point possible is the only thing keeping you from plunging to certain death on the rocks below. You are stretching and straining to lift a heavy object well above your head, and you feel a creepy crawly on the side of your neck.

I didn’t like it much, but I had more pressing matters to attend to so I tried to ignore it. With great effort I finally got the antenna’s U bolts around the top spire of the tower and was able to turn my attention to the unwanted guest I had crawling around on my person. By this time he had walked around a bit to the front, and was nearly to my throat. Enough of this crap thought I, and tried to brush it away with my now free hand. I got him off my neck allright, and right down the front of my shirt! I was trying to pull my shirt out of my waistband so the little sucker could fall out, and had nearly gotten it when BAM! He hit me. It hurt like heck, and made me a bit angry, so I smucked him. Squished him right against my big gut. Hah! Sting me, will ya? I showed him. Problem was he must have sent out a mayday call right before I sent him to meet his maker. Perhaps beat out a little morse code message with his wings (… --- …). BAM! Another one hits me in the back of the neck. BAM! Another one on the arm. BAM! BAM! BAM! They’re all over me now. The hits from these little buggers kind of reminded me of getting peppered with shrapnel from a FMJ .223 round fired from a Steyr Aug at a steel target ten yards downrange. Ouch.

I don’t know what the record for the fastest descent from a forty foot tower is, but if I didn’t break it that day I had to have come mighty close. Straight into the shack I ran, where I happened to have a can of wasp and hornet spray, and quickly dispatched any remaining enemy that had followed me into the bunker. I was really mad now. Spray can in hand, I ventured forth to seek and destroy. They must have seen me coming and had taken evasive maneuvers. Not a yellow and black striped demon from hell in sight. I did a recon of the immediate area and came up empty. My thoughts of ultimate revenge slowly turned to thoughts of getting the job done before the chopper came back to get us.

I never did find their lair, and never did kill but a few of them. But I’ll be back, and I’ll be watching out for them. I have a big time grudge against those little beasts with wings, and in the end I will be victorious.



Larry

 

[fremontguy]

Good story there. Wonder if Home Depot carries napalm.

 

[Okiewan]

Sorry ... had to put a face to the carnage :p

 

[Thump]

Sorry I had to put carnage with the face. :p

 

[Senior KX Rider]

This is a classic :thumb: LMAO.........Take no prisoners sarge :aj:

 

[biglou]

Here's a little-known super-secret surveillance spy photo of the event in question:

 

[IrishEKU]

Hey Serge,

Moose95 is in serious need of a first shirt. He got promoted to Captain last week. I would be honored to have you as my Platoon SFC, but I know my brother need's you more...If you ever want to return to active duty, there are two officers that are prior service that would really like to have your experience and help. :thumb: :worship:


Phillip

 

[KTMKyd]

Originally posted by fremontguy
Good story there. Wonder if Home Depot carries napalm.

Home Depot!? Buddddddy it's easier than that... heard of styrofoam? time for some bug killin' havoc friends... :flame:

 

[Rich Rohrich]

Originally posted by BigLou
Here's a little-known super-secret surveillance spy photo of the event in question:

:) :) :)

You guys are killin me, and I ain't even a BUG :scream:

 

[Person8]

An aerosol can and a lighter makes a pretty good flame thrower. I bet that would take care of those flying vermin.

Larry

 

[TwinSpar]

Berryman B12 Chemtool (aerosol) is the best wasp killer you will find. Kills those pesky bugs, kills weeds (or any other foliage), and cleans parts all at the same time.

I started out my wasp battles at the young age of 9. Got the bright idea that Off just might work against the nasty buggers. I sat down with a full can of Off, a cotton ball, and my youthful exuberance. Soaked the cotton ball, sprayed my hand, and proceeded to shove the insect resistant cotton ball within an inch of a wasp nest the size of my head. You can probably figure out the end result of this brilliant science experiment..... I, like many others, have devoted my life to tormenting, torturing, and eradicating these winged devils. Perhaps some clarification is in order... ALL bugs are on the official hit list....

Did you know that gunpowder down an ant hill can produce an impressive explosion!!! :) :) :thumb:

 

[dave186]

Sarge, you crazy bugger! those stories are great, keep em coming!