I think it is all about how you ride and how quickly you need the hit vrs importance of tractability. For casual trail riders, for riding with little kids, or for very gnarly slippery conditions then extra weight could help with less wheel spin. But with 3 KDXs I have never felt need for more flywheel. For the hot dogs who are regularly slipping clutch to get a quicker hit then less weight is often preferred.
The other factor in decision on flywheel weight is your motor mods. A stock KDX would probably never need more weight under any situation. For some riders with pipe, reeds, carb, and porting mods, then more weight could be good especially in very slow technical conditions without loosing all your gain when things open up.
I don't see any significant diff in amount of shifting or amount of wear.