life is a dog...and I am it's chew toy

Thunder, my original post with the 'toon in it still stands dude, as for the troubles with the wife I totally understand. I wen't through one heck of an emotional roller coaster when I got divorced. It's been 5 1/2 blissfull years since then and I'm glad I got out. Your situation is a little different with the child in the scenario.

Short back round on my divorce was that she was a fruit of the first order, she didn't want to work and basicly wanted a "father figure" to allow her to do what she wanted and to support her. After I found out about her indiscreations while I was deployed in Bosnia I had had enough. My Christmas preasent to my self in '96 was a one way non-refundable ticket for her to get the hell out off my life. What followed was 4 1/2 gut wrenching months of late night phone calls of begging to allow her to come home and allegations that she was pregnant. This was probably the hardest part of my life up untill that point in time because I was second guessing my every move. I soldiered on and it all payed off with me getting everything but the 3 bags of cloths she left with. As for being pregnant she was, she moved in with the guy she had cheated on me with and in short she showed up to the divorce hearing 3 months along.

Everybody goes throught the ringer Big Guy, you ain't alone and you won't be, everybody here is your friend and are here for you. I hope things start to improve for you and that you and the Frau can work something out.

Good Luck,

Thunder !!! , What a testimony to the Therapeutic value and the support of DRN and it members; coming in to this thread late and reading it from the start,you can tell the change in your attitude in just a few pages, Man you have the biggest family and some of the best friends in the world just inches away from you, How cool is that.

All I can say is, look at life like your in a race, focus on your course ahead and never look back, because whats behind you don't matter :thumb:

Women... was it a mistake, or did he do it to us on purpose?

---Jack Nicholson from Witches of Eastwick

cripes! you people..get out'a the way and for gods sake quit baby talking him!your wife might be srcewed up, so what, you married her! let me give you the number to my first wife and a bag of tissues. got issues, here's a tissue.life sucks, but guess what, it's life baby....nobody, and i mean nobody, makes it out alive.ya don't drink? then what's with all the weepy weepy, jeez, it takes me at least a 6er to start feeling sorry for myself. and what's up with big lou, he's earning butt kicking points like watching a gas pump roll over pumping C-12, cha-chinga louiey. your bro's all broken and has no place to stay and you're talking to him by e-mail. well E-X-C-U-S-E M-E! with friends like that who needs indifrent strangers! first thing my buddy said to me as i took him in my house 'cause his wife kicked him out"man, you're being a great friend through this, sorry i abandond you went you went through your divorce"..yeh, oh well! and don't start this good guys finish last appathetic fatalistic crap. i make all my problems in life, i'm convinced, otherwise you have no control over your life and ya might as well find a crack dealer, pick out some prime realestate under the bridge and count on spending you life with hobos and loosers! jeez---ya-us, ride baby ride, do what used to make ya happy. don't sweat it either, i found chronic self gratifacation works really well, since ya aint the drinking type, i wouldn't start. drinking never solved any of my problems. life might get better, might not, you might find a lump in the sac and find out ya got grape cancer, or get small pox via alcada. who knows, is life gonna be here tomorow? i don't know, but i'll tell ya this. i could fall of the face of the earth tomorow and the sun would still shine, little kids would start thier first days of school and some one would fall in love. you're a good guy barnes, there's always something..always. tell ya what ,i don't know how religous you are, but i find the church never left me. i left the church and it's always been back there when i showed up. that's no lie. god is always watching, and he'll never give ya more than you can handle so don't poos out. dude, you , you, it's up to you. OKI people save your vitrial towards me, use your energies more productively. ...BIG LOU.....fauker, i'm watching you.

I remember the feelings I had when I was in the middle of trouble with my former ball-n-chain. I thought there was no way things could be worse. I had all the classic feelings of being Turd-boy no matter what I did.

14 years later and I can't even imagine how I could have let those former thoughts into my head. For former nightmare is still as much, if not twice as, miserable as she ever was (God IS good). And I am happier in my current situation than I could have ever hoped to be with my first try at bliss.
When I sat back and recapped...I realised that most every time I got the "Turd-boy" syndrome going, it was simply me feeling sorry for myself.
I took stock and also realised that for a change to effectuate, there had to be change. I also relalised that we can't change others, not really. We can only change ourselves.
We can change for the better or for the worse.
Each, in theory, should require the same energy.

Dr. Crash has spoken :worship: :cool: :thumb:

I think Sarge missed his calling for a second career.  I think Sarge should get set up with his own nationally syndicated call-in radio show!

"This is Sarge!  You're on the air" :)

Sarge could make Dr. Phil cry!

I'd say ya' took the words outa' my mouth Sarge but that would be a lie, saying my sentiments EXACTLY would be more like it. T33 you may not be able to control everything that happens to you but ya' sure can control how you react and deal with it. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself is just as bad as trying to drink or drug the problems away, it just ain't gona' happen. There is ALWAYS a choice and there is ALWAYS a way to make each situation better on some level. Heck my little brother would trade places with you in a heart beat, I am certian of that but since that's not an option he's making the necessary changes in his life to go down the new path he's been put on, you need to do the same. Working nights isn't so bad I've done it, the dealerships are open durning the day so you should be able to get the parts and or service the Bob bike needs with no time issues right? Instead of sitting on your butt watching TV at 2am go to the gym and work out. Instead of staying up go to bed when you get home and then wake up when "normal" folks do and have the day to accomplish things. Take a class at a local community college in welding, physics, cookie baking whatever works for ya'!

it's a damn shame some of us don't live closer to old jamie. we could'a got all liqoured up and went over and had a sopranos type intervention! :aj: god, this makes me long for those military compassion sessions we'd show each other periodcly. want some fun, go out drinking with the first sergeant and the other 3 platoon sergeants and start looking for sympathy about your upcoming divorce. :eek:

Go ahead and put aside the next year (two if you're like me) for healing. I've never met your wife, but if she's as devious, conniving, hateful, and vindictive as mine is, you're in for a tough haul.

I had to have my ex surgically removed from my ass.

I hope you find DRN as helpful in the recovery process as I did. I get all moist when I think about all the people who propped me up over the last 2 years.

Now, if you'll all excuse me, I have to go clean the bathroom. Got company coming. :cool:

Originally posted by sfc crash
it's a damn shame some of us don't live closer to old jamie. we could'a got all liqoured up and went over and had a sopranos type intervention! :aj: god, this makes me long for those military compassion sessions we'd show each other periodcly. want some fun, go out drinking with the first sergeant and the other 3 platoon sergeants and start looking for sympathy about your upcoming divorce. :eek:

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Again, there is my Platoon Daddy, eloquent as a 2X4!

 

Thunder33 I really do wish we lived closer togeather, Sarge speaks the truth, after a night of haming it up with a bunch of NCO's you would have a plan of action that would fit just right!

Wow Sarge, I'm impressed. :thumb:

You got balls my friend...big ole balls! :worship:

Thunder33 -
You know my story, but the rest of DRN doesn't except for a select few....
Not that I do things right all the time, but If I can do it you too can recover from your trials. My divorce was final July 12, 2002. This came after some 9 months of living in hell. It came down to a situation much like yours where my wife basically said to me that I had to leave after 12 years of faithful marriage. She was no longer "happy" and the cure to that illness was getting me out of her life. Long and short of it - she kept the house and most of the crap inside of it. I pay a HUGE amount of child support plus pay additional funds on top (like Carlo said I'd die for my kids). But do you know what???? I am happier now. They make more crap every day so I ain't too worried about the stuff I left behind. I got joint custody of my kids and I am very active in their lives. I got close to God. I found out that there are good folks out there. I stopped blaming myself. I stopped blaming her. It is just the way things turned out. Was it painful? Hell yes. Am I better off now from it? I'd like to say that I am and I am striving to become a better man and father every day that the good Lord grants me. I also found out that I am worthy of being loved and also capable of loving again.

The key to recovery is ACTION. This applies to the situation no matter what the goal. If you want to repair your marriage go get counseling, talk to a minister. If you know that there is no hope - then save yourself. Go to a divorce recovery class, join a singles group at church, for heaven's sake go ride your motorcycle! Just don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Look backwards only to learn how to move forwards. Learn from your past, but don't dwell in it.

-jeffd

^^^^^^very true^^^^^^, as they say, "been there, done that"(BTDT)

Originally posted by CAL


You don't change squat, you pansy.  You pay someone to change your tires. :| :moon:

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Fred Sanford voice on: "It's the artherr-itis in mah hand, you know?" Hey, $10 to change a tire? Money well spent in my book! :thumb:

Originally posted by BigLou
Fred Sanford voice on: "It's the artherr-itis in mah hand, you know?" Hey, $10 to change a tire? Money well spent in my book! :thumb:

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Just pokin' at ya.  If I could get a tire changed for $10, I'd be doing it too(especially a Maxxis<--they're stiff)  Around here, $22 is the cheapest mount fee.  :scream:

Originally posted by CAL
Wow Sarge, I'm impressed. :thumb:

You got balls my friend...big ole balls! :worship:

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One brass. One stainless steel. U.S. Government issue. :thumb:

Originally posted by BigLou
One brass. One stainless steel. U.S. Government issue. :thumb:

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Klick klacks!

Jamie -

I just returned to earth from Beaumont Texas (where getting the internet is at best a crap shoot) and found your thread.  I know we have never met, but after reading your comments in the thread, I feel we have walked the same path.  I will not share the gore, but I have been walked on many times myself.

I resolved to change my outlook following my divorce in 1999.  Since that time, I have reconnected with many members of my family that I had for various reasons kept at arms length and tried to address core issues that affect my day to day happiness.  I have also reached back into my past to reconnect to things that have brought pleasure and laughter into my life.  Dirtbikes were a large part of my 20s and 30s and finding DRN, and getting a new pumpkin bike, have been a real cool events in my life.

Reading the thread and feeling the outpouring of support is really neat and my hat is off to you for trusting us with your pain and everyone that preceeds me in this thread for reaching out in support.

Tony

Well said Teeds