Monday Humor!

[a454elk]

Hope this doesn't offend anyone, I haven't had the best of luck with Kingriz!

This is for the Pred man!

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple
decided that was enough, as they could not afford a
larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and
told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any
more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called
a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was
expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor,
was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal
in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold
the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabaman said to the doctor, "I may not be the
smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a
cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to
help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in
a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to
count:

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between
his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Kentucky, Mississippi,
and West Virginia.

 

[KiDX]

LOL!!:)

 

[ADS]

What 'bout down (spit,scratch) here in Tannassee.

 

[taraker]

20 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN By Dave Barry

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Never lick a steak knife.

Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails)

Your friends love you anyway

Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.