Not sure how to handle it

[firecracker22]

A very good friend of mine has cancer, and I don't really know what to do. He just found out in April. He's 30, and the biggest tumor is in his lungs. The one in his brain responded to treatment and shrank to a blood clot and I think it went away entirely. There are also some on his stomach and kidneys. But the one in his lungs is not responding to chemo, and it's not looking good. All the doctors know is that it might be linked to exposure to radon or asbestos at some point.

He is a good friend, and actually an ex boyfriend from a few years back but we're friends now. Since he got sick, we talk a lot more. He's bored since he can't go to work (electrician at a machinery plant). We usually go out for drinks or a movie once a week or so, and talk a couple times every week. Normally we don't discuss his cancer at all, and I think he likes that--I ask him how he is feeling once and that is it, instead of bugging him about how everything is going. But tonight we talked on the phone and he said that it's not looking good, and the CAT scan and MRI that he is going in for this week will kind of be the telling factor. I told him "you'll be okay, you're a fighter" but I don't know if I handled it well or not.

I guess I just needed to vent. I have two other friends who have serious illnesses, and it's WRONG for anyone to have to go through this, especially at such a young age. I'm sure some of you have been here . . . is there anything that helps? Things that don't?

 

[Chili]

FC I'm sorry to hear about your friend and I wish him all the best in his fight. I just recently lost my favorite Uncle to lung cancer and I know how you feel when you sit back and analyze your interactions after the fact. What I did with my Uncle was tell him if he ever wanted to talk about anything that I was available whether he wanted feedback or just an ear to listen. That being said there was still several conversations where I felt awkward and second guessed myself after the fact.

 

[Jeff Gilbert]

FC, I don't know that there's anything you can or could do to "make things better", after all, that's what we're talking about. I lost my mother and my grandmother, ther difference was my mother had heart problems. Though it was common knowledge my mother was not going to live forever, when her time came fortunantly it was fast. My grandmother had pancreatic cancer, it was discovered during a routine checkup. The doctor suggested that she discontinue her blood thining medicine and pray for a heart attack and that was a very hard thing to accept.

The only thing I can suggest is that you never stop being her you are, that'll enforce to your friend that he knows you and indeed has a friend. In the end the ones that are left here are the ones that have the harder time dealing with it all and you know that's not what your friend would want you to go through.

 

[squeaky]

FC...I am so sorry to hear about your friend, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and him. I beleive, just as everyone has said, that there isn't really anything you can do to "make things better." Just let your friend know that he has an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on to help him make the best of things.

 

[Tony Eeds]

FC, ditto above.

The best thing you can do is be available and be willing to listen. Many people that have friends and family experiencing terminal illness recoil from death and thereby cut themselves off from the process.

As sad as it is, death is the final step of life and love, support, comfort and companionship are all things that we seek in life. Continue to be a friend, you will both be blessed with enlightenment.

 

[rickyd]

Best thing i think you can do for your freind is too act normal.. Imm sure his immediate family is struggling w/the situation, so the best thing for you too try and do is keep things normal.. Still go too the movies, out for a drink (soda of course) talk..
God Bless too Your freind and you..
Rick

 

[firecracker22]

Originally posted by rickyd
Still go too the movies, out for a drink (soda of course) talk..

Oh he still drinks beer! It's just one or two now instead of 15 or 20.

Thanks guys for all your help. We try to chat like normal, it's just the few times he does mention how serious things are that I question what I say.

It really doesn't look good though. The next round of tests will tell for sure.

 

[rickyd]

Your freind sounds like he has a positive attitude, enjoying a beer or 2 :)

If he didn't like what you had too say, then he wouldn't feel comfortable in talking w/you, so keep being the way you are w/him :thumb:

Cancer is beatable too, a good freind of mine had it (all through his gut area) he has been in re-mission for about 7 years now :) Keep positive :thumb:

 

[bsmith]

Sorry to hear about your friend FC :ugg: