- Jun 5, 2001
- 7,529
- 18
You Know You're Italian When...
** You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry
when your mother yells at you.
** Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76
Monte Carlo.
** You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000
Camaro or Firebird.
** Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all
blood relatives.
** You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.
** Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
** You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.
** Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing
your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.
** At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
** All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
** A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you
the title of "professor" among your aunts.
** You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
** If someone in your family grows beyond 5'6", it is presumed his mother had an
affair.
** There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
** You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
** At some point in your life, you were a D.J
** 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering
the phone.
** You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.
** Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.
** You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.
** You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.
** Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you.
** It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.
** Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his
big yap shut."
** You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry
when your mother yells at you.
** Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76
Monte Carlo.
** You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000
Camaro or Firebird.
** Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all
blood relatives.
** You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.
** Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
** You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.
** Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing
your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.
** At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
** All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
** A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you
the title of "professor" among your aunts.
** You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
** If someone in your family grows beyond 5'6", it is presumed his mother had an
affair.
** There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
** You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
** At some point in your life, you were a D.J
** 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering
the phone.
** You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.
** Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.
** You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.
** You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.
** Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you.
** It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.
** Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his
big yap shut."