You know you're Italian when....

Hey Elk, I need an official Irish to Italian conversion kit, I wanna fit in at DW :cool: Lou, heard the same deal offered on French and ARVN rifles, lets offend everyone equally. :eek:

Thanks guys. Those two comments on female body hair reminded me of an Italian girl I dated before my wife. Man am I ever glad I dumped her! :)

Long Story

While cutting my law teeth on Wall Street, I lived in just about the most Italian town in the world -- okay, at least in the US: Nutley, NJ (home of Joe Pesci, for example). Last edition that I saw, every single kid in the Nutley High School year book had a name that ended with a vowel. My wife grew up there. She and her family fit just about every one of those stereotypes Elk listed (except that she shaves), and a few more that Elk was kind enough to leave off, if you get my drift. We had five cousins on our block, etc.

Well, we had our second boy while there, and had him baptized there. About a week before baptism, the priest meets with all the parents with their children. It's really nice and comforting, and the priest gets to meet the babies he's about to baptize.

Well we had about seven children with their parents standing in a semi circle. Proud mamas stood holding their babies (facing outwards towards the circle), husbands at their sides, while the priest went from couple to couple and asked what Chris*tian name the child was going to be baptized as. The first couple smiled, and said "Vincent" (all the Italians -- meaning everyone but me -- of course hear "Vinnie"); the second couple says "Anthony" (all Italians hear "Ant'ny"). The third child is also Anthony. The fourth is Vincent. Then the priest comes to the fifth couple -- us. When my wife says "Bryan", it was just like one of those movie scenes: you hear the needle being pushed across the record as everyone immediately freezes and goes silent. There are several audible gasps as everyone's eyes grow wide. :scream: You could hear a pin drop. The priest, not knowing quite what to do, stared at this thing that dares to carry a Celtic name in his church (read: neighborhood), looks at the husband (me), who is easily discarded as not being Italian (too many freckles), then the wife, who clearly is a local girl of the proper heritage, and visibly wonders how she could have gone so wrong -- falling in love with a Mick is one thing -- but how could you name your child this way? :| .. . . .

Gradually, he gathered his composure, looked at the baby, realized it wasn't his fault, after all, and pronounced his name, with nary a sign of disdain: "Bryan". :silly:

All the other families exhaled, and, though never making eye contact with my wife or me, seemed visibly to relax.

Then, past the trauma, the priest visited the last two families, and their lovely children, Vincent and Anthony. :cool:

Anthony James Duchetti Santero checking in.

When I was in High School I drove a Chevy IROC Camero. :) Some of my friends claimed that IROC stood for: Italian Retard Out Crusin. :| Now that I think about it they may have been right. :o

LT - That's a great story. :) :)

That's pretty good, LT. I have an Irish buddy that I was in the Marines with and he is from Boston. You know that accent? He calls me "Louie", as opposed to my mom who calls me "weeji" (short for Luigi) or "Ant'ny", my middle name. Anyway, my friend, John Michael Ruddy, married Beatriz Yeppez when we were stationed in Yuma, AZ. They have worked out this deal wherreby they name all the girls with Spanish names and all the boys with Irish names. So they have Adriana, Michael Patrick, etc.

Interestingly enough (Thinking back to the movie "Goodfellas"), I don't have any Peteys or Paulies in my family. There are four Louis's, a Dominic, his brother Anthony ("Ant" for short), their father Dino (Yes, that's his given name), his father Giacinto, a couple of Sal's (Sally for short :D ), a couple of Franks (Uncle Frank, and cousin Frankie), a Gia, a Rudy, the list goes on... :)

At least never let it be said that we don't have a sense of humor!

My band directors name is Mike Arnold, he named his first son, Benjamin Richard. His nickname is....:moon:....Benny Dick Arnold.