Firday humor (may be offensive to blondes)

[RM_guy]

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to
kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a
kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, ''I've kidnapped you.'' She
then wrote a note saying,''I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put
$10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on
the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.'' The blonde pinned the
note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The
next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting
beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000
with a note that said, ''How could you do this to a fellow blonde?''

 

[Vic]

:) :) :)

I read this to my (blonde) wife and she didn't get it.:o

J/k, Honey.:eek:

 

[biglou]

Vic-Do you often find "White-Out" on your computer screen?!!:debil:

 

[oldguy]

My wife is also blond

This is how she copies documents from word or email

 

[bsmith]

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it very slow.”
:eek:

 

[Vic]

Originally posted by BigLou
Vic-Do you often find "White-Out" on your computer screen?!!:debil:

It's not quite that bad, but I am getting tired of the eraser smudges.:confused:

Guess where I'll be sleeping, tonight.:scream:

 

[Papakeith]

Q Why do Blones have TGIF written on their shoes?

A Toes Go In First

 

[LoriKTM]

Hey! Heeyyyy! Don't you guys have lawns to mow or something???

;)

P.S.-- I see a brunette on here can't even spell "FRIday" right!! :eek:

 

[Papakeith]

Hey! Heeyyyy! Don't you guys have lawns to mow or something???

My vote goes for something! :)

Q Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A You have to hollow out the head.

I R blonde 2. So I can say these jokes! :eek:

 

[VintageDirt]

Originally posted by Papakeith
Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?

I would have thought it was because you had to make yellow snow.:)
Hey, I think I used to be a blonde.:confused: I'll have to check my high school yearbook.( 8(|)

 

[RM_guy]

Originally posted by VintageDirt
...Hey, I think I used to be a blonde.:confused: I'll have to check my high school yearbook.( 8(|)

You mean you used artificial intelligence (you dyed your hair)?:p

 

[VintageDirt]

Originally posted by RM_guy

You mean you used artificial intelligence (you dyed your hair)?:p

Don't I wish! But man, it fell out all by itself.

Stop looking at me.:)

 

[Papakeith]

A brunette visits the Doctor.
"Doctor help me! Every part of my body that I touch hurts! My legs, my arms, my feet, even my head. What could be wrong?"

The doctor looks at the Brunette for a moment then asks, "Do you dye your hair?"

"Why yes I do! I'm naturally blonde."

"That explains it." replied the Doctor

"Explains what? Is it the dye causing the pain?"

"No, it's your finger. It's broken."

 

[VintageDirt]

Oh man, now I'm way jealous of that Homer, Homer.

 

[Strick]

"FIRDAY"

Who else is Blonde???

 

[biglou]

Re: Firday.

Man, it sucks because you can't change the subject when you start the thread!
OK, I qualify for a good blonde joke since I am turning blonde at an alarming rate (blonde, gray, what's the diff?).

Three working class ladies, a blonde, a brunnette and a redhead are sitting at a table in a restaurant discussing how difficult their everyday lives were. Suddenly a genie appears. He explains that he is the "practical genie" that grants reasonable wishes and tells them that they can each have one wish granted, providing they can tell the truth about why they deserve their wish. They must go into the bathroom and speak their wish into the magic mirror above the sink. If they were to lie, or exagerate, they would be cast into oblivion by the mirror. However, if they told the truth, and their request was deemed reasonable by the magic mirror, their wish would be granted.
The brunette, unhappy with her current salary, enters the bathroom and says "I think I am an honest, hard-working woman who deserves to be paid what she is worth." She closed her eyes and suddenly there was a pile of money before her. She loaded up her purse and rushed to tell the others of her fortune.
Next, the redhead said to the mirror, "I think I deserve a new car. I have been struggling to make ends meet and while I am doing OK, my car is just about to die on me and I have no means to replace it." She closed her eyes and suddenly keys to a brand new car appeared in her hand. She too rushed back to the table to tell the others.
Finally, the blonde enters the bathroom to face the magic mirror. She said "I think..." and she was never seen again.

*Groan*:silly: