Jokes that can be told in Church ....

Tony Eeds

Godspeed Tony.
N. Texas SP
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#1
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He said, "Call for backup."

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."
 

Grady

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#2
:laugh:

I take it that these were not from Sarge!
 
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#3
Originally posted by Tony Eeds
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Ha ha hahaha!
 
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#4
Mother Superior calls all the nuns together and says to them, "I must
tell
you something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent."
> >>
"Thank God," says an elderly nun in the back. "I am so tired of
Chardonnay."


Just a little joke you could tell in church....well.....maybe......hope it doth not offend. Some think it stupid....I like it.....
 

ktmboy

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#5
A terrible rainstorm strikes a small mid-western town, and the river over-flows its banks and floods the town very quickly and without warning. A man quickly swims out his window and makes his way to the roof, the whole time praying to God to miraculously save him. As the waters continue to rise he sees 2 guys in a rowboat floating by. "Hop in", they shout. "It's okay", the man shouts back, "I'm trusting God to save me!"

20 minutes later, and with the water still rising the man finds he now has to stand at the very peak of the roof to avoid the now swift moving water. He spots something in the distance moving towards him, and as it comes closer he realizes it's a motor-boat. There are 3 people in the boat, and they motion for him to come aboard, but once again he refuses, telling them, "I'm trusting God to save me!"

Within 10 minutes the water has risen to the point that the man is now standing on the peak of his chimney. Soon a helicopter appears above him and the crew lowers down a rope to the man and yells down to him to "grab the rope and we'll save you!" "That's okay, I'm trusting God to save me!" he shouts back.

Within 5 minutes the man is swept away by the rising waters and drowns. Soon he is in the very presence of God, and although happy to be there questions God about why he didn't save him.

God said:

"I sent 2 boats and a helicoptor, what more did you want!"  :laugh: :laugh: