Need advice on how to handle a relationship
- Thread starter MXTex
- Start date
Timr
LIFETIME SPONSOR
- Jul 26, 1999
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BSWIFT said:
I remember your crash in the whoops in Casey, IL. I ran immediately to get Firemedic, Tim to see what your situation was. Fortunately, you were just banged up and Tim was able to determine your condition. We all look out for each other. You gave us a real scare, and that was on the first or the second day of the event.
darringer
LIFETIME SPONSOR
- Dec 2, 2001
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As I re-read the first post, MXTex, the inescapable conclusion I draw from it is that you ARE thinking clearly. This person has been drawing on your good nature for too long. The Unspoken Rule between my riding buddies and myself has always been "Safety First". Making sure that an injured person is taken care of comes first. Always! It is time in this relationship to let this person know exactly how you feel about everything. From the consrant free wrenching to the crash. Maybe this person will see the light and change, but I doubt it. Good luck and good health.
MikeT
~SPONSOR~
- Jan 17, 2001
- 4,095
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High Lord Gomer said:
That is totally true about a real friend. As silly as Gomer can be, when a serious situation comes up, I've seen him push past people to help out. I wish you could see him in action just once. If you want to see how someone should act in a serious situation (especially an injury) just watch Gomer because he does the right thing. :cool:
BTW, this can also be said of Lori, Ivan, Jenny, Vince, and others I know who have helped me personally in the past.
oldguy said:
I think there were quite a few folks at DW04 that learned a very valuable lesson that day. That one is burned in my memory for a long time. I am really happy that worked out.
By the way Ginster is doing better and is no longer in pain.
- Aug 2, 2000
- 13,504
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No, but a brother would. ;)Vampyrz said:
I almost have the same situation as you, Tex, with my brother. I and my cousin have been his "freebie mechanic" for years, basically to keep him out of trouble. We've also been the ones to have to haul him off to the horsepistol after he concussed himself and broke some ribs.
Anyhow, I have to agree with everyone on here that maybe you need to step back from the friendship and let him figure out how to do it on his own for a while, then maybe you'll be appreciated.
Earlier this year my husband crashed & broke his back. None of us knew how bad it was as he told us he was fine & just winded. Friends helped him up, walked him back to the road, another friend went back, got his ute & we headed back to the cars. We were five minutes into our day (if that). We had a lot to do to organise an upcoming enduro.
A friend then loaded both mine & Henk's bikes, another friend drove about 10 minutes to get cellphone coverage to call an ambulance (Henk had worked out he couldn't sit long enough for us to go to a doctor). Yes, we had plenty of laughs at Henk's expense in the meantime, but we were still under the impression he was badly winded. A couple of other friends carried on riding while we were waiting for the ambulance as Henk wanted them to go look at a couple of things and didn't want everyone's day ruined.
When we were finally at the hospital, we kept getting phone calls to see how the patient was faring and so had to make umpteen phone calls when we finally had the diagnosis (unbelief was an understatement).
We all know what Henk's like & knew it must be pretty bad for him to be complaining & saying he couldn't walk/sit whatever. He'd broken his hand earlier in the year & had carried on riding for a bit before deciding to go & get some ice on it - we also went riding the next day. He finally figured it out when he went to the doctors a couple of days later.
We'll all cut our riding day short to help a friend out - what's important? You can always (hopefully) go riding another day, but you can't always find a good friend. I still remember a person we'd met one day crashing & saying he was sore. He didn't want us to stop riding (he'd broken his collarbone we found out later - hey, we're not doctors & don't always know what's wrong) and as we didn't really know him (we'd met him for all of five minutes) didn't argue the point. I still feel a bit guilty about that & it's been 5-6 years.
Our friends all mock each other continuously and possibly if you listened you'd think we all hate each other but that's just the way we are. If any one of them phoned up asking for help with something, we'd drop whatever we were doing & go help. We also know it works both ways.
Only one of these friends we've had since before we started riding, the rest are all guys/gals we've met through riding. It's fine to joke about injuries once they're over & done with & while you're helping someone out, but not to just let them get on with everything on their own - that sux.
There are plenty of really neat people out there just waiting to find a good friend they can rely on for help & it won't be a one way street. As someone said, talk to him but in all honesty, I don't think he'd really give a damn & will just be upset at losing his mechanic rather than losing a friend.
Good luck & it'll work out for you :)
A friend then loaded both mine & Henk's bikes, another friend drove about 10 minutes to get cellphone coverage to call an ambulance (Henk had worked out he couldn't sit long enough for us to go to a doctor). Yes, we had plenty of laughs at Henk's expense in the meantime, but we were still under the impression he was badly winded. A couple of other friends carried on riding while we were waiting for the ambulance as Henk wanted them to go look at a couple of things and didn't want everyone's day ruined.
When we were finally at the hospital, we kept getting phone calls to see how the patient was faring and so had to make umpteen phone calls when we finally had the diagnosis (unbelief was an understatement).
We all know what Henk's like & knew it must be pretty bad for him to be complaining & saying he couldn't walk/sit whatever. He'd broken his hand earlier in the year & had carried on riding for a bit before deciding to go & get some ice on it - we also went riding the next day. He finally figured it out when he went to the doctors a couple of days later.
We'll all cut our riding day short to help a friend out - what's important? You can always (hopefully) go riding another day, but you can't always find a good friend. I still remember a person we'd met one day crashing & saying he was sore. He didn't want us to stop riding (he'd broken his collarbone we found out later - hey, we're not doctors & don't always know what's wrong) and as we didn't really know him (we'd met him for all of five minutes) didn't argue the point. I still feel a bit guilty about that & it's been 5-6 years.
Our friends all mock each other continuously and possibly if you listened you'd think we all hate each other but that's just the way we are. If any one of them phoned up asking for help with something, we'd drop whatever we were doing & go help. We also know it works both ways.
Only one of these friends we've had since before we started riding, the rest are all guys/gals we've met through riding. It's fine to joke about injuries once they're over & done with & while you're helping someone out, but not to just let them get on with everything on their own - that sux.
There are plenty of really neat people out there just waiting to find a good friend they can rely on for help & it won't be a one way street. As someone said, talk to him but in all honesty, I don't think he'd really give a damn & will just be upset at losing his mechanic rather than losing a friend.
Good luck & it'll work out for you :)
WaltCMoto
Sponsoring Member
- Jan 1, 2001
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This guy let you drive,
that was crazy. Common sense and maturity would not let anouther adult drive even if they were not a friend. I took a spill on one occation, whacked my head apperantly, but thought I felt fine 15 minutes later. My friends didnt let me drive home, and I didnt argue their desision, because friends trust each other without hesitation.
on a serious note: Its only funny till someone gets hurt, then its hillarious!
that was crazy. Common sense and maturity would not let anouther adult drive even if they were not a friend. I took a spill on one occation, whacked my head apperantly, but thought I felt fine 15 minutes later. My friends didnt let me drive home, and I didnt argue their desision, because friends trust each other without hesitation.
on a serious note: Its only funny till someone gets hurt, then its hillarious!
MXTex... I have a friend like you who is always offering to work on my bike... he has a mechanical skill level that I can never even aspire to attain. He's helped me with my jetting and showed me how to clean my powervalve (though he did it so fast I couldn't keep up mentally). Absolutely great guy.
I don't know how to "repay" him... obviously I've thanked him profusely, had him and his girlfriend over to the house for eats and drinks... but it doesn't seem to balance IMO.
Any advice... I'm kinda shy to keep in TOO much contact as he'll want to do something else to the bike. Stupid eh? I just don't want him thinking that I'm abusing the relationship.
I don't know how to "repay" him... obviously I've thanked him profusely, had him and his girlfriend over to the house for eats and drinks... but it doesn't seem to balance IMO.
Any advice... I'm kinda shy to keep in TOO much contact as he'll want to do something else to the bike. Stupid eh? I just don't want him thinking that I'm abusing the relationship.
- Dec 26, 1999
- 19,765
- 1
Bruce what are you good at? Maybe it's something your friend could use help with?
It's not about keeping score, just being a good friend is a lot different than being somebody that abuses a friendship and sometimes if your not good at anythuing but being a good friend that's more than enough.
I love you guys! ;)
It's not about keeping score, just being a good friend is a lot different than being somebody that abuses a friendship and sometimes if your not good at anythuing but being a good friend that's more than enough.
I love you guys! ;)
Hmmm, what am I good at???
I'd say business and business relationships. When the fellow I am referring to was trying to get back into Canada he asked for my advice on his approach to the company he was interviewing with, and I also offered to put in a good word with their CEO, VP and HR person. He asked me to hold off and ended up landing it on his own without any "selling" from me.
I think I should make it a point of getting involved with him on things other than biking too.
Thanks Pat.
I'd say business and business relationships. When the fellow I am referring to was trying to get back into Canada he asked for my advice on his approach to the company he was interviewing with, and I also offered to put in a good word with their CEO, VP and HR person. He asked me to hold off and ended up landing it on his own without any "selling" from me.
I think I should make it a point of getting involved with him on things other than biking too.
Thanks Pat.
- Feb 9, 2004
- 286
- 0
Tex, this has been a great thread because many people have been or are in the very same situation as you, If you don't mind can you please post an update no matter what the out come.
Thanks
Rich
Thanks
Rich
- Thread starter
- #42
Sure. First off, I want to thank everyone for their heartfelt responses.
At this point, my plan is to just let the relationship cool. I’m not going to do anything else on his bike, ever, and I’m not going to be calling him to go riding anymore. I’m basically just going to let the relationship go.
It’s unfortunate that things got to this point. Neither one of us managed the relationship correctly. I should have said something or done much less long ago when I received the first signs of his intentions and motives. But I didn’t; probably out of insecurity. So I let it fester to the point of no return. On the flip side, he shouldn’t have taken advantage of the situation. But he did and he’s shown his true colors to me very clearly now; so I know what I need to do.
Maybe my pulling back will initiate some introspection on his part and lead to some sort of damage control; but I don’t expect it.
So I walk away from this situation with another lesson learned. Good friends are very hard to come by. Cherish the ones you have and work smart to develop more. Sometimes they won’t work out, but keep trying. Because the one that do make it all worth it.
With a new helmet, new bars and Dr’s release I should be back on the track soon. Things happen for a reason. That bump on the head literally knocked some sense into me.
Thanks again to everyone. Who needs Dr. Phil when you’ve got DRN?
At this point, my plan is to just let the relationship cool. I’m not going to do anything else on his bike, ever, and I’m not going to be calling him to go riding anymore. I’m basically just going to let the relationship go.
It’s unfortunate that things got to this point. Neither one of us managed the relationship correctly. I should have said something or done much less long ago when I received the first signs of his intentions and motives. But I didn’t; probably out of insecurity. So I let it fester to the point of no return. On the flip side, he shouldn’t have taken advantage of the situation. But he did and he’s shown his true colors to me very clearly now; so I know what I need to do.
Maybe my pulling back will initiate some introspection on his part and lead to some sort of damage control; but I don’t expect it.
So I walk away from this situation with another lesson learned. Good friends are very hard to come by. Cherish the ones you have and work smart to develop more. Sometimes they won’t work out, but keep trying. Because the one that do make it all worth it.
With a new helmet, new bars and Dr’s release I should be back on the track soon. Things happen for a reason. That bump on the head literally knocked some sense into me.
Thanks again to everyone. Who needs Dr. Phil when you’ve got DRN?
- Feb 9, 2004
- 286
- 0
You definitely are a man with his priorities set correctly, I don't think you could of looked at the situation any better and dealt with it in a more mature way.
Good Luck
Richard.
Good Luck
Richard.
High Lord Gomer
Poked with Sticks
- Sep 26, 1999
- 11,788
- 35
I have a friend who has shown me how to do almost everything related to working on bikes. He won't let me pay him, si I always fill up the fridge in his shop whenever I come over.Bruce said:
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