triumphrider
Member
- Jul 11, 2004
- 3
- 0
It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the United
States. The Lord
>>>speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going
to make it rain
>>>and cover the whole earth with water until all
is destroyed. But I
>>>want you to save the righteous people and two of
every kind of
>>>living thing on the earth.
>>>
>>>Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of
>>>lightning, God delivered the specifications for
an Ark. Fearful
>>>and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to
build the Ark.
>>>"Remember", said the Lord, "You must complete
the Ark and
>>>bring everything aboard in one year."
>>>
>>>Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud
covered the earth and
>>>all the seas of the earth went into a tumult.
The Lord saw Noah
>>>sitting in his front yard weeping.
>>>
>>>"Noah" He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
>>>
>>>"Lord please forgive me." cried Noah. "I did my
best, but there
>>>were big problems. First, I had to get a permit
for the construction
>>>and your plans did not comply with the codes. I
had to hire an
>>>engineering firm and redraw the plans.
>>>
>>>Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether
or not the Ark needed
>>>a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor
>>>objected, claiming I was violating zoning
ordinances by building
>>>the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a
variance from the city
>>>planning commission.
>>>
>>>I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there
>>>was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
Spotted Owl. I finally
>>>convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed
the wood to save
>>>the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife
Service won't let me catch
>>>any owls. So, no owls.
>>>
>>>The carpenters formed a union and went out on
strike. I had to
>negotiate
>>a
>>>settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I
have
>>>16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
>>>
>>>When I started rounding up the other animals, I
got sued by an animal
>>rights
>>>group. They objected to me only taking two of
each kind aboard. Just
>>when I
>>>got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that
I could not complete
>the
>>Ark
>>>without filing an environmental impact statement
on your proposed
flood.
>>They
>>>didn't take very kindly to the idea that they
had no jurisdiction over
>the
>>>conduct of the Creator of the universe.
>>>
>>>Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map
of the proposed
>>>new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
>>>
>>>Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
filed with the Equal
>>>Employment Opportunity Commission that I am
practicing discrimination
by
>>not
>>>taking godless, unbelieving people aboard.
>>>
>>>The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that
I'm building the Ark
>>>in preparation to flee the country to avoid
paying taxes. I just got a
>>>notice from the state that I owe some kind of
use tax and failed
>>>to register the Ark as a recreational water
craft.
>>>
>>>Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an
injunction against
further
>>>construction of the Ark, saying that since God
is flooding the earth,
>>>it is a religious event, therefore
unconstitutional. I really don't
>think
>>>I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years"
Noah wailed.
>>>
>>>The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine
and the seas began
>>>to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah
looked up hopefully.
>>>"You mean you are not going to destroy the
earth, Lord?" "No," the
>>>Lord said sadly, "The government already has."
>>>
AMEN
States. The Lord
>>>speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going
to make it rain
>>>and cover the whole earth with water until all
is destroyed. But I
>>>want you to save the righteous people and two of
every kind of
>>>living thing on the earth.
>>>
>>>Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of
>>>lightning, God delivered the specifications for
an Ark. Fearful
>>>and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to
build the Ark.
>>>"Remember", said the Lord, "You must complete
the Ark and
>>>bring everything aboard in one year."
>>>
>>>Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud
covered the earth and
>>>all the seas of the earth went into a tumult.
The Lord saw Noah
>>>sitting in his front yard weeping.
>>>
>>>"Noah" He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
>>>
>>>"Lord please forgive me." cried Noah. "I did my
best, but there
>>>were big problems. First, I had to get a permit
for the construction
>>>and your plans did not comply with the codes. I
had to hire an
>>>engineering firm and redraw the plans.
>>>
>>>Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether
or not the Ark needed
>>>a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.
Then my neighbor
>>>objected, claiming I was violating zoning
ordinances by building
>>>the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a
variance from the city
>>>planning commission.
>>>
>>>I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there
>>>was a ban on cutting trees to protect the
Spotted Owl. I finally
>>>convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed
the wood to save
>>>the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife
Service won't let me catch
>>>any owls. So, no owls.
>>>
>>>The carpenters formed a union and went out on
strike. I had to
>negotiate
>>a
>>>settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I
have
>>>16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.
>>>
>>>When I started rounding up the other animals, I
got sued by an animal
>>rights
>>>group. They objected to me only taking two of
each kind aboard. Just
>>when I
>>>got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that
I could not complete
>the
>>Ark
>>>without filing an environmental impact statement
on your proposed
flood.
>>They
>>>didn't take very kindly to the idea that they
had no jurisdiction over
>the
>>>conduct of the Creator of the universe.
>>>
>>>Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map
of the proposed
>>>new flood plain. I sent them a globe.
>>>
>>>Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
filed with the Equal
>>>Employment Opportunity Commission that I am
practicing discrimination
by
>>not
>>>taking godless, unbelieving people aboard.
>>>
>>>The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that
I'm building the Ark
>>>in preparation to flee the country to avoid
paying taxes. I just got a
>>>notice from the state that I owe some kind of
use tax and failed
>>>to register the Ark as a recreational water
craft.
>>>
>>>Finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an
injunction against
further
>>>construction of the Ark, saying that since God
is flooding the earth,
>>>it is a religious event, therefore
unconstitutional. I really don't
>think
>>>I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years"
Noah wailed.
>>>
>>>The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine
and the seas began
>>>to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah
looked up hopefully.
>>>"You mean you are not going to destroy the
earth, Lord?" "No," the
>>>Lord said sadly, "The government already has."
>>>
AMEN
