Southerners

Tony Eeds · Jan 12, 2003

Nobody but a true Southerner knows ...

Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption and that you don't "have" them, but "pitch" them.

Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up a mess.

A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly"is -- as in "Going to town, be back directly."

Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. (and NOBODY sez it like a girl from Mississippi, they can melt your heart with those words!!!!)

All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'.)

True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right fer piece." They know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20 miles.

True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

True Southerners know that fixin' can be used both as a noun, verb and adverb.

A true Southerner knows how to understand Southern: a booger can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive ("That ol' booger!") or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares the b'jezus out of you.

True Southerners make friends standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines." We stand IN them, not ON them. And when we're in line, we talk to everybody.

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, if only by marriage.

True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all".

True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; that fried green tomatoes are not breakfast food.

Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened; "sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 on the freeway -- you say, "Bless her heart" and go your way.

Okiewan · Jan 12, 2003

Good stuff Tony. :)

Moteaux · Jan 12, 2003

Tony,

Nice read while enjoying my Moon Pie and RC cola! :thumb:

WideOpen · Jan 12, 2003

I have so much to learn, i do about half of those though

True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

true that! :aj:

btw: it's Ya'll not y'all

JuliusPleaser · Jan 12, 2003

:) You left out a couple.

You know you're in the South when:

You ask someone for directions and hear "You can't get there from here."

You overhear a conversation in church that goes like this: "She's such a slut. Bless her heart." (The 'Bless her heart' part makes it a sympathetic observation rather than gossip.)

Tony Eeds · Jan 12, 2003

Originally posted by WideOpen
btw: it's Ya'll not y'all

in our neck of the woods it's ..
1 or 2 folks ... y'all
3 or more .... all y'all
:cool:

Papakeith · Jan 12, 2003

Originally posted by Julius Pleaser

You ask someone for directions and hear "You can't get there from here."

JP, that one is used up here in Maine all the time. All the main Higways run Noth and South. East and West seem to be mostly secondary roads

Tony Eeds · Jan 12, 2003

Originally posted by Papakeith

JP, that one is used up here in Maine all the time. All the main Higways run Noth and South. East and West seem to be mostly secondary roads

Isn't that because there is only one "main" road north/south in Maine? All the rest twist around lile a snake!

Sawblade · Jan 12, 2003

Originally posted by Tony Eeds
Nobody but a true Southerner knows ...

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, if only by marriage.

Tony, good stuff for sure! When I moved to Arkansas one of my new neighbors came over to welcome us to the neighborhood. The guy says I would like you to meet my wife and sister, and there was one girl standing there. :eek:

Jon K. · Jan 12, 2003

Originally posted by Julius Pleaser
:) You left out a couple.

You know you're in the South when:

You ask someone for directions and hear "You can't get there from here."

Sure you can;
"Just follow this here road east and turn right on the Old Dummyline Road. Go on down till you get to the fork with the tung-oil tree in the middle of it, and take it. Keep goin' a fair piece and turn right where the votin' precinct used to be. That's Firetower Road, but Betsy blew the firetower down in '65, and they ain't never put it back up. I'm startin' to think that they aint never going to put it back up! So where were we? Oh yeah, when you see the sign that says "fresh collards" you done went too far, turn around and cross back across Twelve-Mile Creek. They call it that 'cause it's twelve miles from the creek to the. . . Say feller; what you rollin' yo eyes for? Anyways; the first road on your left has a sign that says "bridge out". That's the road you want, dont pay no mind to that sign, it's just there to keep the revenuers out. Follow that road a purty good piece and look for the old house with the china-berry tree out front and a mirror on the porch. That's old Bob Wyre's house and the pipeline you're looking for is just a little ways on. Funny thing about them Wyres, no matter what they named their young-uns, they always end up gettin' called Bob. Even the girls is called. . . Hey! You don't have to run off in such an all-fire hurry!! Come in and sit a spell!!. . . Humph!! These young people just don't have no manners these days!?!"

jboomer · Jan 12, 2003

I thought you pitch a hissie, and throw a conniption? And "by and by" isn't a reference to time but a place?

I'm from Arkansas too! If you really want to see some toothless wonders, go about 40 miles west of Fayetteville! Here's a quote that sums it up nicely: "Two trailer park girls run round the outside, run round the outside!"

IrishEKU · Jan 13, 2003

Originally posted by Julius Pleaser

You ask someone for directions and hear "You can't get there from here."

I used that one a few times. :)

Originally posted by Papakeith

JP, that one is used up here in Maine all the time. All the main Higways run Noth and South. East and West seem to be mostly secondary roads

You are sooo right PK! As a kid I used to sell strawberries on RR1 in Woolwich and though it was alot of fun when the tourists would stop and not buy anythig but ask for directions on how to get back to the costal route. All they got was, " You can't get there from heyah, ayuh." ;)

Originally posted by Tony Eeds

Isn't that because there is only one "main" road north/south in Maine? All the rest twist around lile a snake!

True enough Tony. I-95 is the only "true N-S" road. But think of the rest as round about ways to get there. :confused:

biglou · Jan 13, 2003

Boomer-You should search out CRswade's ride report from White Rock last year, well, 2001. He said something about, "I was surprised to find such a nice bathroom facility there at the Mill Creek trailhead. I was even more surprised to find that nobody was living in it!" Funny stuff!

MikeT · Jan 13, 2003

Tony, that is great!!!

PS, don't try to forward this with your spellchecker on, it'll "pitch" a hissie fit!

yzguy15 · Jan 13, 2003

Originally posted by Tony Eeds
Nobody but a true Southerner knows ...

the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'.)

My grandma truly makes the best frickin potato salad you'll ever try. It ain't that crap with the mustard or whatever they put inthe stuff at the store to make it yellow either. German potato salad I think she calls it (she's fullblooded, though 100% Texan). Her banana puddin' is pretty dang good too. :thumb:

Originally posted by Tony Eeds
Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; that fried green tomatoes are not breakfast food.

Now add some sausage to that, and switch grits with biscuits and gravy and you've got a real winner. Not a big fan of grits. I tell you what, Cracker Barrel makes the best breakfast and best "home cooking" ever. I'd highly recommend it.

That reminds me of one: Every true Southerner knows...

"I tell you what" can be a precursor to a sentence, or just a complete sentence all by itself. (Listen to Bill Engval's "Here's your sign", good stuff)

biglou · Jan 13, 2003

"I tell you what" is akin to the Italian, "Hey, fuggeddaboudit". ;)

jboomer · Jan 13, 2003

I hear ya Lou! Hahahaha! If you look at some of the residences coming into the Mill Creek trailhead, you would notice that living in that bathroom would be a step up for some of those people!

BEEF706 · Jan 13, 2003

Ya'll sure 'nuff know how to make a body homesick. I'll tell you what! Fried chicken, cole slaw and nanner puddin' good stuff.
Maybe this one was only from GA but the highest complement you could give something was "that'll make ya talk bad about your momma!" example, how do you like your new CR, man that thing'll make ya talk bad about aour momma. (BTW, actually talking bad about a southern guy's momma will usually get you a whuppin")
:p

gwcrim · Jan 13, 2003

Q: Do you know the difference between northern girls and southern girls?

A: Northern girls say "Yes you can." Southern girls say "Yes, y'all can"! :thumb:

zio · Jan 13, 2003

Wow, I wish I was Southern like ]i]y'all[/i]!!! Maybe I'll build a new house so I'll have a porch & start from there. I was thinking of going French Colonial, but zia doesn't care for that style too much. Spanish style is sort of overdone here, maybe I'll just do a traditional split level.

So should I go with a leather couch for the porch, or stick with a fabric? What do you guys prefer? And when I'm "sittin for a spell", do I drink cola, or iced tea? What about Countrytime Lemonade? Is that cool?

Gosh, this is tough. I don't even know what kind of oddball animal parts to eat. Is it pig snouts? Where would one procure such a delicacy? I think I've seen someone eat chicken feet, or was it ostrich? And what color gravy do I dip them in? Can I substitute ranch dressing instead?

Finally, who/what is it not okay to have "relations" with? I was thinking of maybe starting with animals (my sister lives too far away). I don't have any sheep or pigs, but what about my cat?

yzguy15 · Jan 13, 2003

Originally posted by zio
Wow, I wish I was Southern like ]i]y'all[/i]!!! Maybe I'll build a new house so I'll have a porch & start from there. I was thinking of going French Colonial, but zia doesn't care for that style too much. Spanish style is sort of overdone here, maybe I'll just do a traditional split level.

So should I go with a leather couch for the porch, or stick with a fabric? What do you guys prefer? And when I'm "sittin for a spell", do I drink cola, or iced tea? What about Countrytime Lemonade? Is that cool?

Gosh, this is tough. I don't even know what kind of oddball animal parts to eat. Is it pig snouts? Where would one procure such a delicacy? I think I've seen someone eat chicken feet, or was it ostrich? And what color gravy do I dip them in? Can I substitute ranch dressing instead?

Finally, who/what is it not okay to have "relations" with? I was thinking of maybe starting with animals (my sister lives too far away). I don't have any sheep or pigs, but what about my cat?

Are ya kiddin me?

Jon K. · Jan 13, 2003

This could turn ugly "right quick".

BEEF706 · Jan 13, 2003

ZIO, I don't know if eyetalin boys livin in the granola state (see Bob Hannah's recent comments on CA) have too much room to be casting aspersions. That said evrey idjit knows its a swing, not a couch on the porch. And when ya get that new house, we'll all come over and help take the wheels off. :flame:

JuliusPleaser · Jan 13, 2003

The couch goes in the front yard, and it should be Herculon fabric in a gold/green plaid pattern. Placement is entirely at your discretion, but normal Billy Bobs center their couches between the washing machine and Gramps' 57 Buick.

Eric, you needn't be disrespectin' your elders. Your momma didn't raise ya right. :think:

gwcrim · Jan 13, 2003

And when I'm "sittin for a spell", do I drink cola, or iced tea?

Funny thing is down there all sody pop is a "Coke".

I.E.: What kinda coke y'all want?

Of course I should talk..... I live right across the river from West By Gawd Virginny. Where men are men and their mom is also their sister.

Know what the most popular pick up line in a WVa bar is?

"Nice tooth!"

OK......... I'll stop.

Southerners

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